peeps. all around me.

This morning, I was all ready for church, so I headed outside to jump in the car, and drive to church.
Pretty standard stuff.
My family was already gone, which is also pretty standard. They'd left me the van to drive, because it was first in the driveway, hence, last to leave.
So I'm walking out to the van, I see it....I see my keychain...I recall giving my little brother the key when I moved to Lethbridge...
I sighed and stomped and walked back into the house.

I called EVERYONE to try and alert them to my predicament.

Joanna came to get me.

Hollerrrrrr.

Air Canada loves me.

Dear Melinda Appenheimer

I saw the season’s first southbound geese this morning and it gave me pause: Maybe our feathered friends have it all figured out. What better time to pack a bag and check out Bogotá’s burgeoning cuisine scene or zip over to Vegas? With myriad new ways to earn Bonus Aeroplan® Miles and a wealth of route expansions, now’s the perfect time to head south.

See you in the skies,

Lauren Wells, Editor
onAir, the Air Canada e-zine for people on the go.

look outside.

SNOW!

oowww...my stomach lining...

I had kfc for dinner tonight. the glorious greasiness was more than I was expecting, perhaps more than I can handle.

there was a reason why I got into salads and whole grain breads. this feeling was it.

ugh.


tunes: jonathan inc.
thoughts: school of rock is a pretty sweet movie.

this is Lethbridge.

Today, I went out for breakfast with the girls from 325 Ojibwa.
Then, I came home, called Lynnae, and she came to pick me up for our run.
We ran in the coulees, which are the hills that lead down to the river. I guess the coulees are made up of the trails, trees, spaces between the hills...hmm...any geography majors?
ANYWAY, they are beautiful. These pictures don't do justice, but they give it a start.
Now I'm sore but happy, eating some chocolate...heh...and waiting for the shower. My first shower-use conflict in a month, and I live with 7 girls, 2 full bathrooms. Not bad.

peace out.




tunes: tobymac "welcome to diverse city"
luke says: "your little bro is one serious dude."

new friends.

I headed out for a run around 5.12pm today. I called my new friend Deanna on the way out the door, just to see what she was up to tonight. She, and some other friends, were going to a concert tonight, so she invited me.
I thought about it on my run, and even though $10 is a bit steep for one with no cash, I decided to go. I decided it would be good for me to go!

SO...I went! With Deanna, Mary-Ann, Mel and Andrew (who is my blume = flower...that's another story). It was sweet. First off, Mary-Ann paid for all of us...wow. Blessings.

The girl we went to see, amanda falk, was so good. I was really impressed, and moved, by her. She finished her show with worship (it was at a church), and it was the best worship I've been in since I moved here. I was just on my knees, weeping. Crying out everything that's been stuck inside. Wow.

After the show, we talked with her for probably half an hour, hugs all 'round (my first hugs in 27 days were tonight! From Deanna and Amanada -- more amazing a blessing than I can tell you. Except maybe you'll understand when I say that the last person to hug me was my mom on Sept.3/05 when she left Lethbridge). So yeah. Amanda said we totally blessed her in the worship time...we were in the front, just givin'er, plus we're all voice majors, just letting go to our Father. We're gonna keep in touch with her, which I think is rad. And to be honest, if I were her, travelling around, and I met some girls who I actually connected with, however briefly, I would totally want them to email me, and keep in touch.

THAT WAS MY NIGHT!!!

Deanna and some other girls live a few doors down, actually 2. We went there after the show, and hung out, and Deanna played with my hair, and we listened to Amanda's cd, and I cried some more...man.

I'm supposed to run with Lynnae in a few hours (@ 7.30am or so), and then I'm going out with the neighbour girls for breakfast. Also, my roomies are awesome, Jenessa's boyfriend Kyle is here, he's really fun. We're ordering KFC tomorrow -- so greasy and gross.

I'm checking out some new churches this weekend -- for sure sunday morning @ River of Life Community Church, with Deanna and crew.

So that's my update. Weird to tell you guys about new friends, but also rad...my heart is expanding and filling with more love. Wow.

peace...

"It's been so long since I have met you here, since I have said these words or cried these tears. And like a child would come I run into our secret place. And s the music fades, the tears are rolling down my face.
I am alive in this moment, in this moment I am found. I belong."

-- starfield.

cry in my heart

what do i have if i don't have you Jesus? what in this life could mean any more? you are my rock, you are my glory, you are the lifter of my head.

-- starfield.

seems like...

The weekend always seems so loooooooooooong and full of promise. This week I took so much comfort in knowing that I could do my orchestration homework, my theory homework, my studio (singing) homework -- not to mention reading several chapters for sociology -- this weekend. And of course, being the organized, motivated, early to bed girl I am...

I stayed up late, watched tv all afternoon (after doing a workshop at school all morning), and now am blogging.

Heh.

yeeeaaaaaaah homework.

iceland is icy.

I just watched 2 Sigur Ros videos.
One had children marching through a somewhat desert-esque countryside, and then jumping off a cliff and flying....
and the other had children playing in ashes falling like snow.

I think a child died, or was near death, in each video.

yeah.


have fun on tuesday...big city jerks-- I mean beneficiaries.

You read it on Zoe's blog first...

"But what man, in his natural condition, has not got, is Spiritual life- the higher and different sort of life that exists in God. We use the same word life for both: but if you thought that both must therefore be the same sort of thing, that would be like thinking that the "greatness" of space and the "greatness" of God were the same sort of greatness. In reality, the difference between biological life and Spiritual life is so important that I'm going to give them two distinct names. The Biological sort which comes to us through Nature, and which (like everything else in Nature) is always tending to run down and decay so that it can only be kept up by incessant subsidies from Nature in the form of air, water, food, etc, is Bios. The Spiritual life which is in God from all eternity, and which made the whole natural universe, is Zoë. Bios has, to be sure, a certain shadowy or symbolic resemblance to Zoë: but only the sort of resemblance there is between a photo and a place, or a statue and a man. A man who changed from having Bios to having Zoë would have gone through as big a change as a statue which changed from being a carved stone to being a real man.

And that is precisely what Christianity is about. This world is a great sculptor's shop. We are the statues and there is a rumour going round the shop that some of us are some day going to come to life."

-C.S. Lewis.


Props to Zoe "the best-named girl I know" Biggs for posting this quotation on her blog first. I post it here because it shook my heart.

to all daughters and sons.

well, well, another week begins.
I did a lot of my homework...theory and studio (that's my voice lessons), but I still have lots of reading for sociology. And I have to figure out what the heck is going on in orchestration...
to that end, I will now be going to bed.

peace out.

lethbridge...word.

because the Holy Spirit over the bent world broods...

and because I steal gold from comments.

The loss of joy does not make the world better -- and, conversely, refusing joy for the sake of suffering does not help those who suffer. The contrary is true. The world needs people who discover the good, who rejoice in it and thereby derive the courage and impetus to do good.

We have a new need for that primordial trust which ultimately faith can give. That the world is basically good, that God is there and is good. That it is good to live and be a human being. This results, then, in the courage to rejoice, which in turn becomes commitment to makng sure that other people, too, can rejoice and recieve good news.

Cardinal Ratzinger, Salt of the Earth, pp. 36-37.

props to thea for posting comments that contain more than my midnight ramblings.

I gotta start reading more stuff.

pace (that means peace).

ice, ICE...baby.

robert van winkle...

better known as VANILLA ICE (ice, baby) shook the walls of the DA Electric Barn @ lethbridge community college with his bad-ass beats tonight.

yeaaaaah.

housemate theresa won 2 tickets, and took me along as her lucky guest.

could have been the dousing us with water, or the effin' eff this and eff your mother effin shite eff you eff the effin mother effin shite eff this eff man effin effshiteyeah, OR the masturbatory use of a mic stand...but at some point, i decided i wanted to leave. theresa agreed.

LUCKY for theresa and i, the fifth song was the old skool klassik -- "stop! collaborate and listen....", so we stayed (this was, after all, the moment we'd been waiting for), and then he pulled the hoochie-mamas up on stage, and somewhere in the grinding and water throwing and fog machine effin glory, theresa and i found the motivation to heave...i mean, leave.

hollerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

leth-bri-dge!

let loose your inner pirate!!!

LET'S BE PIRATES!

Monday, September 19, 2005.

International TALK LIKE A PIRATE day.

Get excited.

Get pirate.

heh...

I locked myself out of my room this morning.
After some worth group-effort attempts at breaking into my room, I called Wendy (landlady #1), to let me into my room.
Heh.

sttronger..........

first voice lesson of the year!
it was really good!
only 30 min long, but i get 2/week, so that's good.
anyway...two thumbs up (so far) for anthony radford.
yeah.
so today is club day. frats. sororities. lots of other clubs.

join it up.

it's real.

encouragement!
i went to church today -- that was good.
went to a young adults kick-off tonight -- also good.
i even made some acquaintances which i think could be friends.
got a ride home with 4 nice boys from saskatchewan...one of them asked me to be praying for his car.
a joke, but also not. so i will.

so things are looking up. i came home with a wok (!), and a feeling that i could be at home here. that's weird to say, because in so many ways, nowhere will be home like a hug from zoe or a rock garden banquet, or a north shore sunset. it won't be the same to drive with nice boys from saskatchewan as it is to drive with my favorite ones -- ben and dad. no other scientists love ballet, nobody else will mend my jeans and make me a skirt, and no one sings like the littlest sister who could.

BUT...this will be good, and these people will make their way into my heart and i will hold them dear, finding that my heart can hold more than i thought possible. it will burst again with joy.

the best part is...

well...i think it's that God is amazing, and he knows me, and as he says, "trust me", and i do so with much fear and trembling and tears, he gently, so gently shows me that my trust and my hope will not be let down.

anyway.

LOVE. no matter who i meet that is new and neat and exciting, never forget that you are always in my heart.

desperate times.

Today, I almost wanted to run down the hall shouting, "I do have friends!! I do!! Good looking, talented, kind, generous people like me!! SO COME OOOOOOOOOON!!! Give me a freakin' chance here!"

But I didn't.

I just kept walking along, pretending to be oblivious to stares which constitute a choice to ignore me.

Introduction to Post-Tonal Life.

Walking to school was pretty much 30min from my door to my class room.

beeaaaaaam!

Lots of cute boys with blue eyes....hooray for Alberta.

I look pretty good today. Wore light blue to show off my tan (much of which has come from walking around Lethbridge the last couple days).

All my roommates are at the house now. 7 girls...almost like ywam.

HMm...I've had Theory V so far -- Introduction to Post-Tonal Theory. Basically, everything I've learned so far is good, but when it comes to 20th and 21st century music, calling something its tonal name doesn't make sense anymore. You see, up until now, everything in a piece of music was named according to its function. NOW, most of those functions, based as they are on a tonal system, have no place anymore, as the music is POST-tonal.

PHew.

So that's good times, eh?

derek webb says...and i say...

don't give me medication
i want the real sensation
even when living feels just like death to me.

i've got a reputation with everyone, but i don't want one with you.

today, i walked to school with kayleigh. i got a bunch of stuff done, then headed home, buying squirrely bread, canola oil, and stoned wheat thins on the way.
before i got home, i stopped to check out nicholas sheran (i think) park, which is about 15 mins from home, and is huge!!! it has a small lake in the middle, and the whole park is really an ultimate (disc) golf course.
i lay under a tree in sun and shade and read for several hours.

perfection.

solutions.

I stuck a magnet against the switch in the air vent to block the AC flow ... TOO COLD.
I soaked little bits of paper towel with windex and shoved them in the tiny holes at the bottom of my window frame -- that seems to have cut down on the flies.
I'm going to try and get SKYPE.com for my compy, so I can talk on the phone without talking on the phone.
I got 2,000 flushes for my toilet, so it will stay clean.
I got drugs for my sick and food for my pantry so I can be healthy.

A lot of things are getting fixed.

There's a little sadness and loneliness in my heart, but that I can live with. It reminds me of you.

Shout out to rachel -- beautiful english maiden.

unwanted guests.

So I'm here in Lethbridge, a little overwhelmed at the hugeness of this all, but I'm trying to take some calm time before bed....
BUT...
the left side of my desk is being INVADED by TINY FLIES!!!

I think they're attracted to the lamp so I turned it off, but a few foolish ones still dared to land...so I killed them.

What is it with insects and light? Well, I guess it's heat.


note: saw part of "gangs of new york" on tv tonight. GORY.

ps. a fly just tried to land on my compy...so I killed it.


anyway. it's time for bed.

help.

in lethbridge.

i'm here.
i'm kinda sick. *cough, cough*
i can't find my cell phone charger.
i talked to jessica today.
my mom is here and great.
my landlords are nice -- they mow the lawn and buy cleaning supplies, and want to have us a bbq.
i have grapes, apples, oranges, pears, water, dq pop and allergy serum in the fridge.
my stuff is here, i am here....life is here?

i loveyou.

all things new.

New computer. New outlook. New hope. New vision. New music. Newly clean clothes. New confidence.

because you came, we have victory.
it's only by your blood, we can be set free.
so i will give my life and abandon shame,
for i know i'm yours -- because you came.
-jon bentall

first post of new.


many more to come.

carryeachother.

burning things.

so august 31 is the day that i leave.
leaving on august 31.


august thirty-first. i'll be gone. some of you i won't see again until Christmas, and with the way things sometimes go, perhaps not even then.


woah.

so...that's life.

love.liberty.disco (worst newboys album ever).

did you ever...

did you ever notice that in order to post on one's blog, the direction or title on the webpage is "create a post"?
I never say, "I'm going to create a post now." I always say, "I'm gonna blog....".

Just a little something to whet the appetites. Recording my new hit single tomorrow. Spur of the moment sort of thing. Singing partner moving back home to England sort of thing.

love.

mmmmmmmmmmm[blech]mmmmuffins...

today I was in the kitchen for 15 hours. Ooookay, maybe 14.

BUT STILL.


3 of those hours were on making FREAKIN' muffins.


arrrrrgh.









I am frusteraterated.


but i love you. especially zoe.

weary

i cast all my cares upon You
i lay all of my burdens down at your feet
and anytime i don't know what to do
i will cast all my cares upon You.

stars.

"ask friends about the people and places that shaped them, and summer springs up quickly when they tell their story: their first kiss, first beer, first job that changed everything."
-- nancy gibbs


i miss eating asparagus whenever i want to. but i do love summertime.
write to me:

keats camps
box 284 gibsons bc v0n 1v0

today i shall go to a wedding.

today is the day for nate + leah.

Whooopeeee!

it's also the first day of Anvil camp 2.

a quasi-devastating coinciding of events.

today is also a day for me to have cramps, and want to sleep aaaaaaaaaall day, but instead, i must rushrushrushrushrush around because that's what days down in "the city" are all about.

more later.

(hi leigh)

for the peace of leigh.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!


ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!


hello.

I'm back from keats for a day, and hence...a post! yay.

It's an...interesting...time so far. My dexterity with a vegetable peeler is increasing, and I'm getting up early early early every morning.

I need to go shopping today.
- jersey sheets
- big fluffy duvet
- chocolate
- nothing else.

Well. That's all for now. I guess I'll write again soon. I certainly have more to say, so I'll write some extra posts to tide you over.

love, melinda

pondiferous.

WHO NEEDS shelter FROM THE STORM?

NOT ME!!!
no.


not anyone.

there's no 'C' in billie holiday! (holliday?)

I organize my cd's like my inside organizer would like to organize my whole life. Or, inner compulsiveness shows on the outside.

ANYWAY...

CD's are alphabetical, then chronological.

SO THEN what was 'billie' doing in amongst the 'c' cd's?


HMMMMMMM!?!?!?!


WHO HAS TAMPERED NOW MUST PAY!!!!

mmmmmm....swiss army hemp bracelet.

IS THERE ANYTHING CUTER IN THE WORLD THAT A ONE-AND-A-HALF YEAR OLD GIRL WITH RED HAIR AND BIIIIIIIIIG BLUE EYES...ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE IS WEARING A FIREMAN HELMET????












no?
good.
i didn't think so.

of endless hidden treasures.

my heart broke when i heard this story.

i will definitely be adopting a child one day. there's a point to go on "the list" of things my future husband should be or have or whatever. i want my husband to also have his heart broken for abandoned children.

that's today.
forget my problems.
PROBLEMS!? what problems.

kids are born with AIDS in thailand (and everywhere else...) every single day. if i can love one of them in my lifetime, that will be...

beyond...words.

it's a ywam thing.

Oh goodness, goodness, goodness me.

I'm mostly posting right now because my friend JESSICA is going to start reading my blog...which will be most exciting.

MOST EXCITING.

Well now it's T-minus 6 days. T-minus? Does that mean Time-minus? I'm not really sure...but what I do mean is that I'm leaving for Keats on June 20. That's in 6 days.

Jess, I feel funny writing this now, but I will anyway because I love you.
I've got this Lethbridge thing happening...and when I was there for my audition, and at other points along the way I've totally felt peace about going there...and then last weekend I was thinking about it, and God definitely spoke to me about getting other folks to be praying with me about it, and just to...to not default to going there just because it seems the right and wise decision. I mean...hmm...
I have to give this computer back and don't have lots of time to finish this post...so I'll get back to you.

love. do it.

s-a-t-i-s-f-i-e-d.

I just won a game of (computer) solitaire...with a score of 700. Not my highest ever, but such a clean number...I've been aiming for it for a while now. Heh.

ALSO just won a game of FreeCell...good times, good times.

But what's really on my mind is this "where to go to school" business. I went to my brother's high school valedictory ceremony last night. McNair's 32nd annual...
This one talented, bright, motivated young man (martin, is his name) walked out with probably $50,000 in awards and schlarships (assuming the governor general's bronze medallion is about $20,000).
And there were all these kids, the other scholarship winners, who have career goals -- chartered accountanting, dentistry, pharmacology, business, commerce, entrepreneurial pursuis...
I finished high school 5 years ago, and I have a Diploma in Music...

So that's not too impressive.

But in thinking through the last 5 years of my life, I have to conclude that I don't really care who is or isn't impressed. I can't even pump myself up enough to impress anyone.

In the end, however, I'm not trying to impress anyone. When I talk about going to Australia, I try and make it sound so cool, but in light of other adventures you can have there, my time with YWAM pales frightfully. At least when you're looking at it the way the world does. In another sense, it was rich beyond comparison.
I went there to find God, because I needed to. I couldn't force myself into anything else, I had to find him. When I thought about school, my mind and heart went blank -- no program, no "field of study", nothing about it appealed to me. There was just this dull, pulsing ache, the need to know the one whose fingerprints I supposedly bore.

So I went, I sought, I listened, I fought, cried, prayed, danced, sang...and found. Or was found? The language of intimacy doesn't often become words, but I can try. All that stuff about softly spoken words in the secret place...in a rush and a tumble it all began to make sense, in ways I wasn't even aware of.
And now -- now it just continues. Closer, and closer, and closer. Sin more painful, grace more deeply received, repentance quickly over with, wisdom more secure in my heart, hands more easily thrown open in surrender -- and all of it, just this incredible adventure that I get to live each day.

I'll be more bold, and make more mistakes. No doubt I'll continue to offend, and be forgiven by, those closest to me. My words will fumble out in broken sentences, and my hands will fail to serve. But also, I will grow. I will sing louder, and stronger, I will chase after what I want, running hard and fast when my legs have given out, giving a shout as I cross the immediate finish line.

So there it is. The question still remains, where to go to school? The worries are there...friends, money, stuff, blah...
but the truth is that my Father knows me, he said so himself. And he has my heart, more and more each day. I turn away sometimes, but that stings so much, because I'm looking at his face. He renews a right spirit in me everytime I feel that anguish of distance, and then we walk on, one step at a time.

Anyway. I should go.

tear my ribs apart and let the sun inside.

"I sometimes have a queer feeling with regard to you-especially when you are near me,
as now:
it is as if I had a string somewhere
under my
left ribs, tightly and inextricably knotted to
a similar string situated in the
corresponding quarter of your
little frame.
And if that boisterous channel, and
two hundred miles or so of land come broad between us,
I am afraid
that cord of communication wil be


snapt;
and then I've a
nervous notion I should take to bleeding
inwardly.

As for you,-









you'd forget me."

- jane eyre (spacing by me)

sooooooooooooo DIS-oriented.

june 20 --> to keats.
september --> to alberta.

unless we hang out soon, i might not see you until christmas.

no seriously.

it's...mmm...huge?

woah. numbness. yes.

I went for a run on the sea wall today. My friend Katie lives downtown, so I met her there and we ran together.

WOAH!

We fully kept each other at a way faster pace than either of us usually go...which was totally good. I haven't really been pushed to run THAT hard because I run alone mostly.

Anyway...now I have to go to work, but I'm totally spent.

Also...I took some asthma meds before I ran (read: inhaler), and...I don't know that they have a terribly positive effect. Affect? Effect?

Whatevs.

Love.

donchanoooooooh.

This morning, I was driving home from Surrey, and I reeeeeeeally had to pee. And I found that, I could hardly think about anything else. The full bladder was so distracting.

Even now I have to pee again, and I'm typing extra fast, and just trying to get this over with so I can go!

ah!
bye.

UBC says...

Dear Ms. Appenheimer,

Congratulations and welcome to UBC! We are pleased to offer you admission to your second choice, the Bachelor of Arts program at UBC Vancouver for the 2005-2006 Winter Session, beginning September.

The University is pleased to offer you the TREK Excellence Scholarship starting in September. It includes a $2000 scholarship and an early registration date.

...

Once again, welcome to UBC. We wish you every success in your studies and hope that you enjoy the many opportunites UBC has to offer.

Sincerely,

UBC.




(and no, this is not a joke. I fully received this letter in the mail this morning...In the words of new Canadian hall of fame inductee, Alanis Morisette, "isn't it ironic?")

my hometown.

I'm all wrapped up in my mother's face,
with a touch of my father, just up around the eyes.
And the sound of my brother's laugh...
more wrapped up in what binds our ever-destined lives.

the management

I talked to the dean of admissions for music, and he said that my audition today was more about studio (private lesson placement) than acceptance. So basically...I'm in. The official word will come in a week, so I'll post the definitelynotchanginghereitisthefuture word then, but for now..

FOR NOW...


FOR NOW!!

word on the street is = I'm moving to Lethbridge.

detour

highway 97 north
highway 24 east
highway 5 south

2 hours later, back on track.

just outside banff, "following too close" ticket, and an rcmp who taught me a lesson by taking 30mins to ticket me up.

goooooooooooood greek food at night.

good times all round.

home soon.

[ l o v e ]

sometimes, you just know.

Sometimes, you just know you're being talked about...usually in a bad way.

Sometimes, you just know your manager isn't pleased with you, and that now would be a good time to find another job (or move to alberta).

Sometimes, you know just your SIN number, but not being able to find the card makes you rather nervous.

Sometimes, you just know you should be at peace, but you're nervous like a chicken in a fox's lair.

Sometimes, well...sometimes, you just know.

back on track. uh huh.

I haven't been running regularily for about 2 weeks now. I had a cold, some bronchial issues...oy vey, it just couldn't be done.

TONIGHT, I decided, was the night I would re-gain the ground once lost to minor cold symptoms. Ta daaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....

I started out around 9.30pm (after much earnest procrastination), and it didn't look good. 2 minutes in, I thought, "aiiiiiiiiiya....maybe I SHOULD just give up and gain 300 pounds...", but instead, I kept running.

I completed the 8 min run, and found a neighborhood street route in the process. I was going to head home, but I thought, "hey, let's try the next 8 min...or maybe just 5."

So, I took my 1 min walking break, then began to run again. And I ran. and ran. and ran some more. My legs started kicking into "autorun", where they just went...and went...and finished the second 8 min run!

I couldn't believe it! I ran the last minute gasping and praising God. Faithfulness...I love it. Encourages me to trust in all the other things I'm so close to giving up on.

To bed. One thing I always perservere in...sleeping.

[ h e a r t ]

far away.

my voice is far away.

i haven't really sung much in the last month or so.

heh.

i mean, i've sung, but not opera style, not to the Bb's that were the top of my range...

*sighs*

feeling a little panicky about that right now....what with this audition coming on Friday and all.

do it chicken. squawk.

Get a FREE iPOD.

oh...but...no, sure...that's...uh huh. okay. ta.

teaguy finds his teagirl...
yay...

but also...

huh?!

but also..

of course! finally!

and then...

where does it leave me? standing...sitting...still close, but not as...
still welcome, but with a point of wearing out...

mmmmmmmmmmmm....

sometimes life is so awkward on the phone, because not every conversation can be best said with words.

2 posts. yes. i wanted them to be separate.

I've had this killer cold/lung/nasal/overallcrappy thing going on for about a week. I haven't been running because it's not really...practical to run when you can't breathe.

The lack of physical activity was driving me crazy, so I decided to go for a run today.

My lungs aren't really happy about it...but they'll get over it.

The good news is that my running motion/rhythm felt sweet...totally refreshing, good speed, consistent speed...

That's all. I have to go get ready for work. Mmmm....ice cream....

[heart].

oh no. don't start that again.

We have 2 phone lines @ my house...line 1 (the orginal) and line 2 (the addition).
The line 2 number used to be safeway pharmacy or something, so when we first got it a few years ago, there were lots of early saturday morning phone calls, asking for the safeway pharmacy.

Eventually, those calls stopped.

So imagine my surprise when I got a call for Safeway this morning!

Yeah. Shocking, I know.

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....gnnnnnnnnnnn.

hi everyone.

tonight, i wanted to see laura brook, but instead i slipped a card through her mailslot.
tonight, i wanted to cuddle with somebody warm, but instead i hung out with bro and his girl. (still wonderful...)
tonight, i wanted 200looseleafteas from steeps, but it was closed early...
so we went to tim horton's instead.

blaghalghalalalalalahghla.

i need to get to lethbridge. anybody wanna come? no seriously...let's do this.

help!
i need somebody....
help!
not just anybody
help!
you know i need someone...
help...

i hate letters.

"We are sorry to....I regret to inform you that....With so many applicants.....The standards for application were very high this year....Sure you understand...Try again...."

crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap.

Okay, so none of my plans have worked out so far, and now when I need to be focussed and ready, I'm sick. Throbbing, fever, throat, nose, lungs, ugh, gungh, blech, blaaaaaaaaaah.

Good thing we've got so many tastefully decorated, strategically place kleenex boxes.

yeah. good thing.

towels. no, seriously, i'm talking about towels.

what the heck kind of family fights about towels!?

oh wait...mine.

resting...

I just got home from church.

WOW.

A man named John spoke to us today, about the church in China.

Wow. Just...wow.

My heart's all stirred up, again. This China thing keeps coming up for me...a vision, an opportunity to go...it's all there.

I'm off to sell ice cream now.

fabutan-a-licious.

I went tanning today...for one of the last times. I used this accelerator cream that totally makes your skin burn and turn red...heh...healthy?

ahem...

When I got to the tanning place, there were 2 guys waiting. I assumed they were waiting for girlfriends, and one of them was. One was totally waiting for another guy though...apparently it was "boys' tanning night out"...I laughed inside my head.

While I was waiting this couple came out looking TOTALLY lobster'd. I think they got the same deal as me...the regular brings a newbie, and you both tan free for a week. Thing is, I didn't go everday...no good for the un-sunned skin. But I think those 2 have been just soaking up the fake rays...and they look it.

Anyway....shout out to malcolm and frequency fall. And what the heck, shout out to second too. I haven't been to a show in sooooooo long...but I went to one tonight.

Okay, random post...I'm tired and hungry, but no eating, just bed. Mmm...bed.

hey there...don't steal my duck.

I have this plush duck that I sleep with, because it's softer and cuter than a pillow. Just now I was napping, and my youngest sister came in and stole it.

grr...but I was really too blissfully napp-y to mind.

So, NAPPING!
WOw!

I haven't had a good, refreshing, gloriously awakening nap like this is SO long. It was probably just over an hour-ish of sleeping, but I was so tired and sore and getting stiff when I crawled into bed, that I really had no other options but to sleep.
And sleep I did.

Shoooot. I feel fine. Mmmmmhmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

This "exercise" may actually be good for me after all.

zoe's purse holds the keys.

this week, i decided, i was hella fit.

check it:

monday: run
tuesday: (okay, i did nothing, but i did go to school and walk up and down the mountain all day).
wednesday: run
thursday: curves
friday: run & curves!
saturday: run & curves!

OH YES!! i am an athlete. or exhausted and crazy...who knows?

could it be...naaww....?

I...there's...you see...

This friend of mine, I've kind of liked him for, mmm.....6 years.
And for a while there, he was just into everything I wasn't, so that was fine, it couldn't work.
Then his heart started changing, and he's been becoming, and now is, this amazing man who does love God, and...it's just that much more we have in common.

He's had this girlfriend, beautiful, petite, sunshine-in-his-life girlfriend. So I knew I had no chance.

But they have recently broken up. And I think it's...over.

So I can't help but wonder...

naaaw...could never be.


?

milk makes me grumble.

I don't even know if I want to write about the thing in my head.
hmmm...

Yeah, I think I'll leave it for now.

green paper.

MINA WE ARE LEAVING AT 8:00AM NOT YOUR CRAZY 8:30AM And I know you think your [sic] right but I am boss tomorrow SO WAKE UP IN GOOD TIME!! IF YOU DON'T I'M JUST LEAVING!!! No argueing [sic] w/me tomorrow!! I am Boss!!! love ben.

(this is the note my brother left me on my bed re: getting up in time to go to his CapJazz audition tomorrow. suffice it to say, he knows me too well).

snap, crackle * achoooo*

The sounds I made this morning were...
*snap* & *crackle* care of my knees,
and *achoo* care of all the freakin' blossoms and junk outside.

I hate spring.

grr...

getting buff.

Today, I worked.
Yay.

One of our ice cream freezers was off all night (woot...), so the ice cream was fully UNservable.
But...these ladies came in, and they REALLY wanted Praline Caramel Crunch, which had melted, but...there was a new bucket stored in the other freezer, so I got it out for them.

HARDEST ICE CREAM SCOOPING EVER.

Well, maybe not ever...but it was pretty hard.

So that's my day.

rise...up.

So...prophets are cool.



That's about it for now.

calling all boys!

hey!
keats camps needs male counsellors for this summer!
skippers = get paid
first mates = volunteer
they need both.
so apply already.

in memory.

"We need the enthusiasm of the young. We need their joie de vivre. In it is reflected something of the original joy God had in creating man."
-- his holiness John Paul II.


"A professional soldier understands that war means killing people, war means maiming people, war means families left without fathers and mothers. All you have to do is hold your first dying soldier in your arms, and have that terribly futile feeling that his life is flowing out and you can't do anything about it. Then you understand the horror of war. Any soldier worth his salt should be antiwar. And still there are things with fighting for."
-- Gen. H. Norman Schwarzkopf.

collection.

On my way home from the cleaner's, I saw 2 ducklings crossing the street. Poor little guys...they looked so scared and unsure. I think they made it, amidst the roar and relentless power of rushing cars...

I hope they did.

FYI

Just so everybody knows...
"balling" and "bawling" do not mean the same thing.
bawling means CRYING.
balling means...whatever....I don't know. But not crying.

got it? good.

ooooh! so cuuuuuuuuuute!

don't crush the little ones.

reflections on moon over water.

on the ferry:
chai tea (venti): no real taste, but very real warmth. i burnt my tonsil scar.
funny couple from u.vic: ORANGERED SWEATER!!!!
percussion major: playing with mallets.
sleeping guy: muttering in his chair.
couple behind me: reading through a map of vancouver, "pacific center, cordova....cordova, robson, pender..."

at the audition:
lots of friends: jen t.rex andrei tex luke = not so alone.
first song: should've brought my repetoire list. porgi amor WAY TOO SLOW.
second song: better.
third song: oh no! not the purcell...oh well.

china town:
parking a mile away: tips on parallel respect.
chinese food: not so sketchy?
bubble tea: sour-style = no milk.

2 days in victoria:
money spent. time spent. hugs given and received. a tin of tea. a rush of love. time to pray is peace.

arriving home: safe.
jonathon gets hit by a car...alive, and a little less well. my heart: pangs.

post: le fin.

spring is spree...

I went shopping today!
Oakridge....sucked me in.

Lots of new green and pink things...debuting soon.

one down, one to go.

I just got back from a run.

whooeee.

my weekly workout schedule is shaping up to be:
mon: run
tue: curves
wed: run
thu: curves
fri: run
sat: run/curves
sun: REST.

something like that. it's a little bit crazy, but for some reason, it's what I want to do.

sprnany

I...need something. Help?

There's a lot in my head. I need to talk to someone. I guess you'll do.

I hate it when I go to write an email to a friend, and I'm nervous. It takes me forever, because I want it to sound just write. Because I'm afraid that if I say the wrong thing, or I make my expectations known...I'll only be let down.

Then again, I called a friend today, left a message...and when he called back, all my fears were put to rest. He's a dear.

I think my period's coming. School's done, and I miss my friends. Running's going well, but tonight I stayed in and ate ice cream and napped and watched tv...and I can't even enjoy it. I feel so guilty. Like I'm letting somebody down, and I'm not being good enough.
I haven't been singing, and I've got an audition on Friday.
I'm afraid to love the people I care about most, because I hate getting hurt. I'm so hit by this fear that...

I don't know. I don't know where this is coming from. It's old stuff. And it's all in my head, just jumbling around.

I miss being in a Bible study, I miss weekly checking in. I miss knowing exactly who to call when tears are welling up, or fears, or sadness...or joy.

So that's me today. :)

even if i'm sunburned...

i just read that a teaspoon of moisturizer is a good amount to put on your face.

a teaspoon!?

oh wait...is that the really little spoons?

mmm...okay. well, maybe. but still...it seems like a lot. I just dip my finger in my moisturizer, then dab it on my face, then rub it in. nowhere NEAR a teaspoon.

huh.

today was awesome. afternoon in the sun by the water with emily & tea guy. sidewalk talk with ash & thea. love time with mikael & ben. tea time with mikael & ben & zoe & chonger & roger & ash. & tea guy (obviously!).

*sighs*

so much for feeling lonely!

argh.

I "worked" today. 7.30am-4.30pm, mostly spent reading old issues of Rolling Stone magazine.

Ugh.

I had a hazelnut latte, and some hot h2o with Irish Cream syrup...

pardon me if I feel slightly nauseated.

un bon vin blanc

shout out to LD and the nasalized vowels.

so i just got a new credit card...and i signed the back.
and i figure...it's like getting a new driver's license picture. you want it to look good, but inevitably, you look like an idiot.
same with signing cards. you think, "i can write! i can print! i've used a pen! this'll be easy"...but, once again, you inevitably look stoopid.

gah.

i wasn't joking.

oooooooh. Am I ever paying for yesterday's burst of exercise. Whoooeee. Ouch.

In other news, a quote from Zaboomafoo: "I've got it all figured out! A happy lemur day cake! Let's dance on it, and then eat it later!"

Also, a warm welcome to the new! pope, Benedict XVI.



I had a gross dream last night. Today will be spent, trying to remove it from my mind. Blech.

Oh yes, and a B+ in english is mine. woot?

here we go!

Saucony. That is my new running shoe brand. Something about a wiremeshgrid...
they were hella on sale. 5 points for discount stores.

That was really all I had to say. Today is run #1 of run 2, walk 1. Aiiiya. I gotta do it...or I never will.

Love melinda.

breathe in, breathe out.

well...
my ubc audition is in 12 hours and 45 minutes.

here we go...

gig?

well...well...well...
maybe a little opera chorus suminsumin?

i'll keep you posted.


joyful in hope. patient in affliction. faithful in prayer.

ack.

every muscle hurts.
no joke.
ow.

3 hours ago.

So this english paper I've been working on? It's the first paper I've written with PAPER AND PEN in years! Gosh...I just can't get it out when I type, but with blue pen in hand...beeaaam.

Okay, maybe not "beeaaaam", but it's a lot easier.

Qu'est-ce qu'il ce passe?

update!

things you should know:
- week 1 of running has gone well. I was still 'ahead of the pack' this morning...about a block ahead. Lots of talk about "stick to your own pace...". Oh well. I can't help it if I'm awesome. This week is run a minute, walk a minute x 10.
- option 3 is go! I am dr.love...or dr...how-to-sustain-a-friendship-when-what-you- think-you-want-is-love. *sighs*. Sometimes I miss bass-boy. He was a fun guy.
- love is in the air, though completely platonic. That's alright. It's good to be loved.
- zoe got out of the room...?
- I'm 22, almost 23, home alone on a Saturday night with chicken strips & fries and a semi-written paper. Ugh.
- I'm exhausted, but pretty happy.
- I'm going to end this post.

...


now.

champion!

FREE CELL # 24602.

No chance when I am on the loose.

Melindathegreat strikes again...

If only she could write a paper with her pen.

found.

hey bloggians.
I found this in some archives, and thought I'd throw it out again, because it hit me again when I re-read it.

Oh, and fire update: my hand hurts, but is healing nicely. It's a good feeling to be somebody's hero. ;)

"The contagious joy of Jesus (only carriers can pass it on) infected and freed His followers. The author of Hebrews says: "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever." (13:8)

If Jesus appeared at your dining room table tonight with knowledge of everything you are and are not, total comprehension of your life story and every skeleton hidden in your closet; if He laid out the real state of your present discipleship with the hidden agenda, the mixed motives, and the dark desires buried in your psyche, you would feel His acceptance and forgiveness.

For "experiencing God's love in Jesus Christ means experiencing that one has been unreservedly accepted, approved, and infinitely loved, that one can and should accept oneself and one's neighbour. Salvation is joy in God which expresses itself in joy in and with one's neighbour." "

-Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel.

i know you were wondering.

I just thought you should know that I look pretty damn good today.

hot hot hot.

Tonight, after our final performance of Carmina Burana, our history prof. invited us over for some eats and drinks and good times.
Sweet.
I stayed waaay the heck long that I meant to, and had everyone convinced that the hot first year boy who came as my "date" was really and truly my date...*sighs*.
THEN...as we were leaving, said first year boy's shirt CAUGHT ON FIRE! (candles...ill placed candles).
People were screaming, and he had no clue, but I saw the flames, and put them out with my hand!
Yes, yes, wise and cool under pressure (or flames) that's me.
The bad part is, a piece of his shirt stuck to my hand, and now I've got a crazy blister/burn on my right hand...
but...I'm a hero.

So...in the end...it's okay.

And if you're ever on fire, call me.

tripping up the stairs.

So, I'm trying to lose weight, right? I go to Curves (which I'm stepping up with some running and biking asap), I try and eat well, I sleep...sometimes. Anyway...
One thing I try not to do is eat late...bad for the metabolism and stuff.
So tonight, I come home to pizza. How can I resist? oh, pizza-ey goodness.
But there's always something, right? Maybe cake, or something innocent like chicken and rice...
But once it's started, why not eat a handful of mini-eggs and some ice cream?

*sighs*.

I'm signing up for a running clinic right now...right now I tell you.
Running will be better than pizza.

Love melinda.

that WAS fun. *phew*

Dark night. Pouring rain.
Granville Island to my house.
21 minutes.

OH yes. My hond-a-matic and I rock the...city streets.

finally!

"All that we can know about God is summed up in these words at once so compact and simple: he is; words that we do not understand except in flashes, in rare and brief illuminations..."
-- Olivier Messiaen

Geheimes Flustern hier und dort.

Was leise mich umschwebt, umklingt
Ich will es treu bewahren,
Und was mir tief zum Herzen dringt,
Will ich, vom Geist der Lef'beschwingt,
Im Liedern offenbaren!

-- Hermann Rollett


(what softly hovers and rings around me,
I will faithfully treasure,
and what touches me deep in the heart
will I, impelled by the spirit of Love,
reveal in songs).

little bitter culture.

Das weiss ich langst. Ich sah dich ja im Traume,
Und sah die Nacht in deines Herzens Raume,
Und sah die Schlang', die dir am Herzen frisst,
Ich sah, mein Leib, wie sehr du elend bist.

-- Heinrich Heine




For all you non-germans:

This have I long known. I saw you in a dream,
and I saw the darkness in your heart's hollow
and saw the serpent that feeds upon your heart.
I saw, my love, how very pitiful you are.



Yeah. Classical mUsic. What-what.

you're my hero.

a poem by Charlie Brown.

Some days you think maybe you know everything...
Some days you think maybe you don't know anything...
Some days you think you know a few things...
Some days you don't even know how old you are.

droppin' outta opera.

Hey...go listen to Kanye West. Do it. Yes, I mean now. GO.

today was a day of smelling roses.

I didn't put on any make up today, and I didn't have a shower until 5.30pm. I woke up at noon, and went for a long walk around the neighbourhood. It's good to see that families still play at parks on the weekend.

Friday night, I was at a music party. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I guess I can say that while I love my friends, being with them while they gorge themselves on all the substances available to modern twentysomethings, leaves me with nothing more than a profound sense of despair and sorrow.

On another note, here's a quotation from an article I just read about Pentecostals and Mainliners, and what we can learn from each other:

"Humility. Mainliners call their institutions denominations. Historically the term denotes, among other things, a group of Christians who see through a glass darkly. Each tradition, it suggests, must recover an aspect of the great body of Christian teachings and practices that others have underplayed or overlooked. (The sect, in contrast, assumes exclusive responsibility and privileged knowledge.)"

Here's the articule.

Have a good night.
Love...

stuffled.

My dad took us out to the white spot today after church.

Mmm..

The problem is...I always order waay more food than I can eat. Like...I got the grill & greens cuz I love the zoo sticks, but I can barely eat a burger, much less the fries and other stuff...

I think now's the time to start ordering the senior-size portions, because seriously...my stomach has shrunk.

IN other news....I want to avoid my paper SO MUCH that I'm thinking about cleaning my room.

confession

Sometimes I check my blog just to click the link to the taylor website so I can check out my guitar.

this phlegm ain't sexy.

boo hoo.

I'm sick.

Waaaaah.

*sighs*

Okay, that's all.