almost august --

almost time to move back to lethbridge!

aaaaaaaaaaaah...

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

not sure how i feel about that. good. but i'll miss this coastal land.

what else?

i was @ physio this morning, with peter, who moved to west germany from east germany in 1958 (with his parents). if they hadn't moved, he would've been in east germany until 1989 -- 29 years after his family moved to canada. we were talking about how the decisions your parents make have such huge implications for your own life.

for instance...i could've been a prairie girl my whole life, living in a small town, 200 friends and nosy neighbours...but my parents moved out here when i was six. what would my life have been like? what is it like now? what is life?

bah.

happy..july 29.

new day.

I woke up this morning.
TOo hot.
Too allergic.
Too frustrated.
Too still.

Thus, I am going to the beach.

YAY coastal living!

not so intimate.

MAN.

I AM SO FRUSTRATED.

AND ANGRY.

AND FEELING HURT.

and trusting God. slowly. moment by moment. inbetween FREAKING OUT about WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY LIFE!?

I went to physio today. That was cool. Peter is fixing up my ankle and, more importantly, my left knee. It's a little out of sorts, what with having been sprained at all. So physio was fun. I'll go again on Thursday and Saturday.

I had a new job @ a london drugs call center, but it fell through, so I am again unemployed. The good thing about the tempagency is that Jenna is finding jobs for me -- I might go in and retest for my office skills, because I was nervous and definitely sucked at the windows test.

*sighs*.

Had a good, good hangoutwalkchat with amanda last night, but definitely brought up some feelings and memories and awkwardness that I hadn't expected to share. Those are all hanging out just below the surface of my skin.

I think I need to spend some serious time with Mikael because I miss her and love her and she's such a constant "I have not, will not, never fear, reject you" in my life. I guess that's what best mates are for. Unconditional. Even when I am lame at keeping in touch.

Anyway.

Here's a picture/art from Amanda's computer.

anxiety hinders search for true romantic love.

I read an article in the Richmond News today -- something I rarely do, because it's mostly a crappy paper, but this one was interesting.

Dr. Terry Estrin was writing about people my age who want to be married, and how we shouldn't stress about it!

Here are his tips:
- expect emotional discomfort.
- relax.
- take chances.
- be selective.
- consider your own needs.
- trust your instincts.

He expanded on all those things, but I'll let you find all that out for yourselves.

WOODSONG...was great. Really good time with good friends, for whom I am very thankful. Rosie Thomas made me cry, and the imr boys are in good form, sounding and looking and putting out good vibes better than ever.

[images to come. uploading is taking too long. grr dialup].

woodsong.

it's 11.48pm.

the alarms will go @ 4.00am, to start our day, our roadtrip...nay, our epic adventure to...woodsong!



imr is playing on saturday night, along with rosie thomas!!

i'm pretty amazed and frustrated that i'm still awake -- but it's been that kind of week. the knee/ankle sprains aren't really much better, which is maybe what i should have (but didn't) expected. anyway...

i went into work today (pavilion) to say goodbye -- it was a fond farewell, with many reassurances of how welcome i am to come back...and how much i plan on doing so.

random post, lame post? lame me...lamed...can't walk...get it?

ehhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

bed time.

america -- prepared to be roadtripped.

new day.

I bought "the places you have come to fear the most" by dashboard the other day. On Monday, I believe.

Wow.

Great album.

Glad to report that the emotional impact it once had is gone, although I still enjoy it. Glad because...that was way too intense.

In other news, I got a new job -- I'm catapulting into the wacky world of office work. I think that "Office Space" and "the office" will take on WHOLE NEW MEANINGS.

What else? HMmm...My left ankle and knee are both still sprained...I'll be icing them soon...and then abusing them when I go up to Keats tomorrow. Aiiiee. Maybe Theo will be my chauffeur.

wow.

back from camp 2.

here's what i brought home:

3 aweful dolls (1 original, 2 tortoises).
1 torn knee ligament.
1 sprained ankle.
1 cold.
1 sunburn.
1 heartful of new friends...straight outta the blue and into my life.
2 new (well, my first 2) voice students. yeeeah!

a whole bunch of insight.
humility.
understanding.
a renewed hope in the possibilities of camp ministry.
an excitement for my future -- to be a dangerous dreamer; one who dreams in the daylight, and can see dreams become reality with open eyes.

a year of plans with campers, staff friends, and alberta girls.

woot woot.


[and also, a word of reminding for all us bloggers -- just because someone doesn't comment, doesn't mean that he or she doesn't read your blog. so be discerning in what you write -- it may be private when you type it, but once its on the web, it's open to interpretation and reading by anyone...that's how misunderstandings occur.

and when you're already awkward (like me), increasing awkwardness or awkwardness potentiality via the internet is a BAD idea.]
:)

blog on.

Krysta Lowe and Amanda Dorst come to town.

actually, it's more like "Melinda Appenheimer comes to Krysta Lowe's house and posts a blog".

here's a picture...



and Krysta's website...

done.

goals have been accomplished today, friends.

i biked home from work.

that is, i rode my bike from the stanley park dining pavilion to my home in richmond, bc.

my chain fell off once when i tried to change gears to an impossible gear -- but we survived that.

vancouver is a mountain city -- my bike and i are mountain riders.

SO HARDCORE!

happy birthday lovers and friends.

hey.

it's canada day tomorrow.

happy day.

i'll be biking to work.

yep.

and then i'll watch KING KONG in andrew chong's backyard.

i'm looking forward to the day.

and 200 sandwiches. maybe more. 18 salads. 76 naninmo bars, 52 day squares. 24 yogourts. lots of yelling and laughter.

happy canada day.

note of interest.

my posts are recorded in alberta time.

oh, i almost forgot...

at work, we get vegetables from bc hothouses.
they say "hydroponically grown" on the labels.

haha.

no kidding.

the end of tuesday.

i rode my bike.

i got a maaaaaad sunburn. (my skin hates me).

i recorded with andrew and andrew. my harmonies were a little bit wack.

i recorded with zoe and adam. pouring out my soul.

i had the best bubble tea in vancouver, and chinese food that was a rip-off, but so grand.

i wore the wrong shoes.

i figured out why i'm tongue-tied. zoe is wise.

the shoes are outfit shoes, for standing or sitting, not for walking.

seriously.

good day.

lazy tuesday.

last night (monday) i did some on-the-spot recording with chonger, andy and t.hags. i just went to pick up cd's for ben, and they needed some girl vocals -- pretty much, rad.

me.

today...oi. i have errands, and i want to ride my bike, and it's pissing hot out -- i was gonna do pilates too, but i dunno if that'll happen or not. also, i'm record with zoe and adam at 2pm because he scheduled another session in the am.

aiiya, is life hard, or what.

i'm so caught up.

This is not a post about usher.

yeah, yeah, sure, close the browser, surf elsewhere.

I believe that I've been experiencing SOCIAL CULTURE SHOCK.

It's true, it's true, lemme explain. In Lethbridge, I had a few friends. Not just a few close friends, and then a larger network, but just a few friends. These friends are rad, and I enjoyed hours upon wonderful hours in their company, but it made for a fairly uncomplicated social life.

Where am I going to hang out? Oh, @ andrew's with the girls.
Where am I going tonight? Oh, to the girls'.
Where are we going tomorrow? Oh, to mma's, house. Rad.

I knew some other people through school, and we hung out sometimes, and some people through other churches, but I mostly was with my roomies, or "the dames". So like...15 people, let's say, on regular rotation in my social calendar.

FLASH FORWARD TO VANCOUVER -- I'm going crazy. Way overbooking myself, trying to stretch into 5 cities, including Victoria...meanwhile, pretty much ditching my family all the time, because I suck at scheduling hang out time with the people I live with...

Here I've got the North Van crew, Pat in Burnaby (who I still haven't seen), Leah & Nate in E.Van, Darcy who is hard to get hold of, mybestfriends Mikael, Zoe, Jessica, beloved Katrina, asap crew, girls' group on Monday nights, Richmond boys, Tsawassen Jeff (going to anvil), Keats crew (already gone!), Jenny B (going to Europe)...ahhhh!!!!!!! Nevermind random school friends, surprise good friends in Victoria, Dave & Anna briefly here while travelling around the world..Malcolm, who I'm sure still exists in the flesh, but I can't guarantee it..

It's madness, friends, madness.

And in the midst of trying to stretch myself and see everyone, and HAVE QUALITY TIME NOW, I work full time, I'm poor because of gas and VISA, I just want to stay home and read, get up early and rundrinkteareadbible, going to anvil in a couple weeks, harsh need to call my co-counsellor, and our campers...

I need to slow down, but I'm afraid to. Lethbridge return is looming, which is great but deafening and I don't know how much my heart can handle it.

a million little pieces.

here's a piece:

My Mother speaks. As she does, her eyes start to tear.
Thank you, Joanne.
Certainly, Lynne.
My Mother walks around her desk and Joanne stands. They hug each other strong and true in the way that only women can hug each other. There is no hesitation between them and there is no distance. No emotional distance, no physical distance, no distance of any kind.

end.

I get along without you very well?

Of course I don't.

and I don't even know who you are.

Tonight, I played @ a friend's fundraiser/show. It was a great atmosphere, lots of talented people, lots of talented jazz musicians.

May I say that if you want to date a musician, I must recommend a young, talented jazz musician. They are just intrinsically hotter than the rest of us.

Moving on.

I got up to sing/play, and my guitar sounded tinny or something, and the whole sound was too loud, which is always slightly embarassing to hear, and I felt so awkward, and like I'd never performed before...ARGUGHGAGAH!!!

*sighs*

I also spent the day driving like crazy, for reasons unbeknownst even to me, really...chasing after something or someone, not realizing just how crazy I was being.

Anyway, on the way home, I wanted to talk to someone, to be held, to cry, and to feel comforted. To tell the stupidness of previous few hours, and have someone just not judge that, but understand it, and love me, and laugh!!! Because it was so ridiculous. Classic me.

However, no "one" was there, and I drove home alone, tired and carrying the weight of my day, and the knowing that I am moving back to Lethbridge in the fall, when my social network shrinks, and my family is gone, and that makes me hungry and ravenous for all the "time with" and "time doing" I can get...

I am working tomorrow. Or rather, today. Yippeee...sandwiches.



I was talking to Ben (BEN!?) about relationships, and he said something andrew lee said...andrew is excited to be with heidi, not with a girl, or a girlfriend, but with heidi.
Ben said that's how he feels about Ashleigh.

I thought, that makes sense. I don't feel that way about anyone -- or no one in particular. I'm just wanting to be with someone, anyone, and yes I want him to be amazing, but Ben sort of articulated this thought I've been having -- when I date someone (sooN!?), I want it to be like...he supercedes the other crushes I've had or do have...I think he has to be attractive or "it" above them, at least for my heart...

I fall in love too easily...I fall in love too fast.

beautiful self

.

i'm going to victoria today.

i have no confirmed place to stay...

i do have friends to hang out with, but i think they're all about real hospitality, and girls from bcalberta sleeping on their couches is not an option.

c'est un peu bizarre, oui? mais, c'est la vie.

i'll keep you posted.

love

m.

something new.

at church this year, I was prayed for/prophesied over a few times...and the words have stuck in my head.

particularly one about me being created as a wildflower...

still working out what that means. on days like today, I get a glimpse of the picture...and I like it.

what-what.

birthday:



june 3. delayed celebration.

me & a bbq, keeping happy theo ash brett jeff steve chong jon ben neal ash.

steve ben and chong making beautiful music in the basement.

darcy tyler mary jo! emily jonathon. come to hang out.

milkshakes @ denny's with les boys. birthdays bring out the generosity. love it.

near death driving experience with jesse b.

latelatelate night walk with ryan f.


way smaller partaaay than i expected, and some no-shows that were a shocker (zoe playing badminton for 3 hours...not at my house), but pretty much awesome. i will never be a chef for life, but cooking for people i love is great.



ok.