When poetry inspires...part two.

I love the dark hours of my being;
my mind deepens into them.

There I can find, as in old letters,
the days of my life, already lived and
held like a legend, and understood.

Then the knowing comes :
I can open to another life that's wide and timeless.

So I am sometimes like a
tree rustling
over a grave site and
making real the dream of the one
its living roots embrace :

a dream once lost
among sorrows

-- Rainer Maria Rilke

When poetry inspires...

No one lives his life.

Disguised since childhood,
haphazardly assembled
from voices and fears and little pleasures,

we come of age as masks.

Our true face never speaks.

Somewhere there must be storehouses where all these lives are laid away
like suits of armor or
old carriages or
clothes hanging limp on the walls.

Maybe all things lead there,
to the respository

-- Rainer Maria Rilke


a new era is upon us.


I am not even certain who reads this anymore, but for anyone who does, an announcement : I'm ready to start blogging again!

Why did this require readiness? I'll try and explain.

In the past, this blog has been largely narcissistic -- the odd thought of profundity or for the world outside myself, but the main idea was to write smart/cool/funny things, and then find out who was reading them...and then feel really good about my blog following.

I've been pondering a reform for many months now, uncertain as of how to go about it, but I'll just get started, and then figure it out as I go.

I want to write about the things I am learning, not in my intelligence, but under the weighty hand of God, my Father. I wouldn't mind a rediscovery of writing, of working things out while sitting before my keyboard, although I have many more opportunities for that sort of conversation these days.

The point is...buckle up. If you do read, we can do this seeking-revelation thing together. If you don't, well...you probably aren't here right now.

To start, check out my friend rob steele's blog. He and he wife and 2 beautiful children moved to Lethbridge recently -- I do not know them well, but I look forward to some years in this city, in this church, together. They stand out to me as being quite worth the wait to get to know.

Enjoy, friends.


why Taylor Swift is ruining my life...

I was listening to her sing on the way home...

She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers...

Can't you see, you belong with me...

Here's the thing Taylor: maybe he doesn't belong with you. At all.

For the guy you've grown up being best friends with to say that you are not the woman he desires to marry is far from an insult -- and it doesn't even mean that he's been leading you on, or building up false hope of romance...

Ladies, this is what we have done.

We have wagered our value against these friendships, not as what they are, but as what we imagine them to be. I do not receive that my guy-friend loves me simply because of who I am, but I imagine that his care for me will lead to romance, which will fulfill my heart's longings, and thus...I will know that all along he has cared for me just the way I hoped he did.

And if this does not unfold, I am devastated, heartbroken as if we had dated; my value is torn apart, or at least severely dented, and I find I do not trust so easily, and I bury even deeper the truest desires of my heart...but not in Christ do I hide them. No, I hide them in pain and sarcasm and self-sufficiency and ragging on the men who I believe have wronged me.

Meanwhile, he may reject me or push me away or pull himself far back, just to protect what he can see is my wounded heart, not really having any idea how to do so, because he knows that he has loved me for me.

Not all friendships are this way, and we are not always the ones at fault for creating false hope, this isn't what I mean. But...the idea is there that to be valued is to be kissed and romanced, and tonight I submit that this simply is not true.


C.S. Lewis considered this man to be a master...

"The kingdom of heaven is not come, even when God's will is our law : it is come when God's will is our will. While God's will is our law, we are but a kind of noble slaves ; when his will is our will, we are free children.". -- George MacDonald, in 'David Elginbrod'


new things.

well, i'm trying to figure out how to set up mobile blogging -- because, believe me, you want to know exactly what i am experiencing all day, everyday! let's be honest about that. :)


i think that's really it. i used to blog about all my feelings, but they don't really need to be online; and while work today was pretty blase, everything else that happened wasn't, but that still doesn't mean i need to talk about it.

oh, except that, brenna and i walked over to tyler & rachel's for a bbq, and walked home with our kabobs, cuz we ran out of time before our meeting, and it was great. it's just a delight to be making new friends, and deeper friends out of older ones -- i'm just so in my element here.


oooh. i see.

sometimes, you just have to support a friend who's trying something new, because your loving, genuine, 'i care more for you than how impressed i am by your work' support can mean that this friends has the means with which to grow in confidence, without fear.


winds of change?

he was patient.

he was quiet.

he wasn't rude, though under duress.

he was gracious.

and he said, 'thank you very much'.