i hate technology.

soimbiddingonaipodminionebay.

tears of...

phew.

home.

what!?

today:
woke up @ uncle roy's. ate breakfast, showered, left around noon.30.
drove to pike lake. packed up my stuff, ate some eats, locked up the house.
drove to granda dan's. unchained the gates, drove up to the house. hugs and near tears with grandpa dan and grandma joanne.
packed bread (homemade, love g.pa), drove to airport.
checked in, said good bye, aced security.
called to check that my ride back to lethbridge was a-ok.
right?
right.!?

...

right .... ?

oh.

wrong.

10 minutes to take-off, and I have no idea how I will get home from calgary.
send 10 text messages.

board plane.
read german poetry (for school -- so much for "Reading week").
----


It only gets worse and better from there. Dawn Turnbull and her boyfriend picked me up from the airport. I know her from keats. I joined her family for her birthday dinner, and am spending the night with her sister Nancy, at the condo where Nancy will soon live with her husband, Brent (after they are married).
AND...theresa will drive me home.

SO.
That's it.




I'm going to bed.

incidentally...

my grandparents have been divorced for almost 40 years.

they both use 'incidentally...' as the lead-in to many of their 'new topic/question' sentences.

they have similar dishes for eating (g-ma has a set made by a potter friend in calgary; g-pa has also pottery-style).

they drink tea a lot (well, that's not just them).

they both have this maaaad interest in everything in the lives of the ones they care about.

they both have a few chromosones in my mom.

they both have amazing blue eyes.

incidentally...

we're online!

I am in Saskatoon.
I've drafted a few blog posts, but they are maybe not for the public. They'll stay in the privacy of my computer for now.



Family is good. Complicated. Sad. Joyful. Talented. Loving. Hilarious. Familiar. Accepting. Expecting. Witholding. Giving. Generous. Petty. Forgiving. Outrageous. Political. Involved. Opinionated. Irrational.

etc.

My uncle roy is a brilliant percussionist. He's married, with 2 great kids (and also, a great wife). It's so different to actually be around him -- different from hearing about him. I always thought he was so cool, and brag about his percussive abilities whenever I can.

Anyway. It's been a trip to remember. Drove into Saskatoon by myself last night, and cried over my family. Good to do. I recommend it.

Meanwhile at home, tragedy strikes for a good friend. I am torn -- wishing I could be there. I don't know what I'd do...but you know how that is.

love to you.

worship (got this from chongkid.blogspot.com)

Manley Beasley - "A glimpse of God will save you. To gaze at Him will sanctify you."

ponderings.

apparently, I've had a post by this same name before. Huh.

I was driving to Calgary with my friend Mel today (well, she drove, I passengered), and we were talking, and she asked me a little bit about my life. We're still getting to know each other...imagine that.

Anyway, I was wondering how my parents or siblings would have answered the same questions. What does my life story look like in their memories?



Deanna.
Mike.
Mel (the one I drove with today).

good night.

i will type the whole article, eventually.

"To the usually breathtaking question,"If there is calamity in a city, will not the LORD have done it?" (Amos 3.6) we're only allowed to whisper a resolute, pietistic "no."

Here God is dangerous, wild, and unpredictable. He is dynamite and a kidnapper. That's the God of Abraham.

quoting Anne Dillard:

"On the whole I do not find Christians, outside of the catacombs,
sufficiently sensible of conditions.

DOES ANYONE HAVE THE FOGGIEST IDEA WHAT SORT OF POWER WE SO BLITHELY INVOKE?

Or, as I suspect, does no one believe a word of it?

The churches are children playing on the floor with the chemistry sets,
mixing up a batch of TNT to kill a Sunday morning.

It is madness to wear ladies' straw hats and velvet hats to church;
we should all be wearing crash helmets.
Ushers should issue life preservers and signal flares; they should lash us to our pews.

For the sleeping god may wake someday and take offense, or the waking god may draw us out to where we can never return."

from an article called "playing with knives: God the dangerous" by douglas jones.

"In our pietism, though, we tend to insist that God is primarily Nice. Period.

God is Nice and Nicer and Nicest.

The chief end of God is to be Nice. I believe in God the Nice. Maker of Niceness. In heaven, we'll all be Nice. Pilate wasn't Nice. He was mean and "mean people suck."

This whole modern Christian litany is so tedious and tiny.

Of course, other people -- equally foolish -- think the solution is to be rude and mean. Yeah, God isn't nice; He's rude.

But Yahweh is neither Nice or Rude; He is dangerous and unpredictable.

He is Trinity. He is Fire, and fire is hard to contain.

Sometimes all the advanced firefighting technology gets overcome in a canyon by a storm of flames.
Sometimes people freeze next to a tiny flame.
Fire's edges won't stand still; its borders aren't easily traced.

"Our God is a consuming fire."

God's command for Abraham to sacrifice Issac came right from the center of flame. As H.A. Williams notes,

"Whatever God wants in our relationship with Him, it certainly isn't respectability."

sun kil moon is a band. so is modest mouse. sun kil moon has released an album of modest mouse covers. read on.

context.





a'ight kids. look around the website, maybe it'll make sense.






also...context part 2.

cover songs.

sun kil moon.

covers.

modest mouse.

tiny cities made of ashes.


absolute genius. i downloaded it because of aaron braun. that kid is money.


it is really windy in lethbridge today. especially at the school, walking to the parking lot, brutal wind flying straight across the coulees. my forehead almost fell off.

that was awkward.

announcement.

because He works in me, and works all things together for the good of those who love Him (and have been called according to his purpose), because His grace is sufficient, and His wisdom confounds mine, because mercy is flowing and love changes how you are...

I applied for keats this summer. Worship director. or Captain. preferrably, both.


And, I will need a job or benefactor in may/june.


so...heads up. like, keep yours up for me.

It's windy in lethbridge -- should be @ -28 or -19 for the rest of this week.

oh. goodie.

say, say it again.

my fingers are sore from lots of guitar playing.

if you knew today was your last day on earth, where would you want to be?

good things.

(picture credit: dave delnea, of jessica and a boy in peru.

I went to dinner at the home of my dear Jessica's godmother -- Jean, and her husband Bill.

WOW.

awesome.

So much good conversation, and food and warmth -- and they invited me back! That's always good news.

yeah. That's really all for now.

Did you know there's a L'arche community here? I didn't. Now I do.

hiya.

just wanted to introduce you to...LYNNAE!!!



Lynnae and I have the same voice teacher -- tony the great.

ANYWAY, this morning, I headed out to the bus stop, beginning my ridiculous journey downtown, a fifteen minute drive, one full hour before I had to be there.

oh, the bus.

I was waiting for the bus, and my mistake was here -- I'd neglected to familiarize myself with the saturday bus routes. Because in Lethbridge, they're very very very different from the weekday bus routes.

I thought the bus was impossibly late, so I started walking to school, and just when I'd reached the point of no return, the bus went by.

ducky.

So, I walked to school, and then discovered what a mess I was in, because of the 'saturday' bus routes.

:P

In desperation, I called Lynnae -- and she, fresh from the shower, not yet beautified, said she would come and get me. She arrived at the school, looking gorgeous as usual, and completely saved my day.

She came with me to get my ears stretched -- and I am now sporting a lovely 10-gage ring. Mhmmmmm. Before that, I was at electrolysis, so this has been an invasive day for my face and ears.

OK. peace out.

buenos dias.

new perspective with the sun's rising.

my friends.

hey all.

today was weird -- this week's been weird.

prayer breakfast was...i don't know. i'm not sure 'how' to prepare for those, but i know i need to.

i have this STRONG sense we need to be more active, speak against the enemy, proclaim God's truth -- pray in all the ways i've known to be powerful etc...but i don't know how to 'make' that happen...
can i start by just me praying that way, and then...the other kids can either jump on board, or jump off the wagon?

dunno.

but...yeah.. more to say, no time to think of how to say it. so i'll go to bed.

love.

umm, i guess if you know something...

leave a comment.

this is an email i got from a friend...

---
Ladies,

There are a number of women, most in their late teens and twenties who passed
away last year due to blood clots that are believed to be related to the use of
the Ortho Evra Birth Control Patch. Many more allegedly survived strokes and
other blood-clot related health issues.

My Uncle is a Lawyer who is initiating a law suit with respect
to this. He is looking for women in Alberta and British Columbia who may have
used this product and suffered similar health problems (the problems do not have
to be as severe as described above). You are likely to have come across effected
women. Please contact me ASAP if you have a plaintiff thay can be referred to my Uncle.
The case depends on women willing to come forward.


Teresa
---


so, if this applies, let me know. k. good deeds, out.

just look at him!

K-Os.




He's just so dang cool.

is that really you, Lord?

fasting for a week.

what do you know about it?

tips?

this had to be separate.

i think south beach is working.
i'm about...7 pounds lighter than the last time i jumped on the scale, and about 10 or 15 pounds lighter than at christmas.

so.

hope.

hope.

hope...

something i often forget about. even though i can be passionate and mature and strong in this faith of mine, it is hard to live on hope. honestly.

today, i went for a run/walk, against the wind! it was to get out, and to force some time with my Abba. i rarely talk on those runs, i more just run, or walk, and think, and occasionally say stuff out loud, but it's more like, "i'm here. you're here. ok."

scintillating. ?

it was really good, though. something about the wind blowing fiercly -- the bite of it, the cold, the freshness on the air. reminds me of the ocean, where i love to go and sit, and not think anything in particular, just be.

be.

Safeway Savings.

It was either Ben or Elizabeth who, as a young'un, used to love pointing out 'the big S for Safeway.'

I bought groceries at Safeway the other day, and I gave my BC home phone number to the clerk, in lieu of a Safeway Club card.

The points went to RAJINDER RANA. 4446 points. To Rajinder Rana.

?

Burning to Shine.

a song by K-os, with the CBC Radio orchestra -- the last of its kind in North America.

I just watched a short doc. about it on CBC...and k-os (kevin bereton) said something that hit me..."something can't be truly creative if it's planned out."

That is something that's a real struggle for me, in music, and also in leading worship. That something can't be "real" if it's been planned out -- but I kind of think that's crap. Sure, something that's live and spontaneous and fresh -- there's a certain energy to that, but being able to take that, and work with it, and build upon it-- that's a part of the creative process as well.

I think he learned that.

I think I'm learning that. Or we both are. me and k-os.

he should hip-hop it up on my next album.

funny.

my friend Matthew wrote this when he...well, you'll get it.

Dear Friends,

The time has come. My resolve has weakened. My will has been shattered. I have crumbled before the collective cry of the telecommunication gods. I have forgone the highly charished privilage of an unreachable existance. It's true, somehow I have given in. I have become something new. My flesh has been forever united with plastic and metal to become a composite. No longer simply human, I am now cyborg-- a being equipt not only for the rigors of daily life, but also for the making and answering of phone calls at any and all times. No matter where i roam i will now be able to hear the ringing of mass communication within my fragile skull. I am a walking antenna. My voice is now but a small combination of numbers away.

(he got a cell phone).

ponderings.

I feel a little bit like a failure today.

Or maybe a lot.

I read a lot of textbook today at school, but it was psych 1000, and the scientific stuff doesn't stick as well as concepts and theories about human interaction (like in soc 1000).

I basically got home and ate a bunch of stuff I'm not supposed to while I'm on 'south beach'.

I have this hunger and thirst for God, for his righteousness, to know him more, for intimacy, for prayer -- but I don't really even know how to feed that a lot of the time. Or I feel like I don't...

And then I got an email from a friend today -- just an invitation to check out his blog/keep in touch while he's living out of the country.
In the year after grade 12, I basically had 2 friends who I spent almost all my time with, and he was one of them. Good times. Really good. For him, he was moving away from a lot of crap he'd been into with other friends -- recreational pharmaceuticals and the like.

Anyway, the pictures on his blog kind of sent me flying, and the tone of the writing too. Just a lot harder and more biting than I would've expected...and a lot more partying in the pics that I would've expected.

Just kind of shocked me. Maybe broke my heart a little.

There is so much more to this life -- this weekend renewed in me, reminded me...I will die for Christ, but I will also live for Christ. And I will absolutely fail in that. I will probably feel alone in it...and feel sorry for myself...

but I can see you again Lord.
I can see you on the horizon on my life...
I can see your sun, it's rising up...
and I don't have to be discouraged anymore.
I don't have to feel this loneliness anymore.
Cuz you're in my life, more than anyone could ever be.

-- jason upton. and me.

so. peace out.

words.

"my personal style is very stylish...i dress like i'm used to it."

--kanye west