cry in my heart

what do i have if i don't have you Jesus? what in this life could mean any more? you are my rock, you are my glory, you are the lifter of my head.

-- starfield.

seems like...

The weekend always seems so loooooooooooong and full of promise. This week I took so much comfort in knowing that I could do my orchestration homework, my theory homework, my studio (singing) homework -- not to mention reading several chapters for sociology -- this weekend. And of course, being the organized, motivated, early to bed girl I am...

I stayed up late, watched tv all afternoon (after doing a workshop at school all morning), and now am blogging.

Heh.

yeeeaaaaaaah homework.

iceland is icy.

I just watched 2 Sigur Ros videos.
One had children marching through a somewhat desert-esque countryside, and then jumping off a cliff and flying....
and the other had children playing in ashes falling like snow.

I think a child died, or was near death, in each video.

yeah.


have fun on tuesday...big city jerks-- I mean beneficiaries.

You read it on Zoe's blog first...

"But what man, in his natural condition, has not got, is Spiritual life- the higher and different sort of life that exists in God. We use the same word life for both: but if you thought that both must therefore be the same sort of thing, that would be like thinking that the "greatness" of space and the "greatness" of God were the same sort of greatness. In reality, the difference between biological life and Spiritual life is so important that I'm going to give them two distinct names. The Biological sort which comes to us through Nature, and which (like everything else in Nature) is always tending to run down and decay so that it can only be kept up by incessant subsidies from Nature in the form of air, water, food, etc, is Bios. The Spiritual life which is in God from all eternity, and which made the whole natural universe, is Zoë. Bios has, to be sure, a certain shadowy or symbolic resemblance to Zoë: but only the sort of resemblance there is between a photo and a place, or a statue and a man. A man who changed from having Bios to having Zoë would have gone through as big a change as a statue which changed from being a carved stone to being a real man.

And that is precisely what Christianity is about. This world is a great sculptor's shop. We are the statues and there is a rumour going round the shop that some of us are some day going to come to life."

-C.S. Lewis.


Props to Zoe "the best-named girl I know" Biggs for posting this quotation on her blog first. I post it here because it shook my heart.

to all daughters and sons.

well, well, another week begins.
I did a lot of my homework...theory and studio (that's my voice lessons), but I still have lots of reading for sociology. And I have to figure out what the heck is going on in orchestration...
to that end, I will now be going to bed.

peace out.

lethbridge...word.

because the Holy Spirit over the bent world broods...

and because I steal gold from comments.

The loss of joy does not make the world better -- and, conversely, refusing joy for the sake of suffering does not help those who suffer. The contrary is true. The world needs people who discover the good, who rejoice in it and thereby derive the courage and impetus to do good.

We have a new need for that primordial trust which ultimately faith can give. That the world is basically good, that God is there and is good. That it is good to live and be a human being. This results, then, in the courage to rejoice, which in turn becomes commitment to makng sure that other people, too, can rejoice and recieve good news.

Cardinal Ratzinger, Salt of the Earth, pp. 36-37.

props to thea for posting comments that contain more than my midnight ramblings.

I gotta start reading more stuff.

pace (that means peace).

ice, ICE...baby.

robert van winkle...

better known as VANILLA ICE (ice, baby) shook the walls of the DA Electric Barn @ lethbridge community college with his bad-ass beats tonight.

yeaaaaah.

housemate theresa won 2 tickets, and took me along as her lucky guest.

could have been the dousing us with water, or the effin' eff this and eff your mother effin shite eff you eff the effin mother effin shite eff this eff man effin effshiteyeah, OR the masturbatory use of a mic stand...but at some point, i decided i wanted to leave. theresa agreed.

LUCKY for theresa and i, the fifth song was the old skool klassik -- "stop! collaborate and listen....", so we stayed (this was, after all, the moment we'd been waiting for), and then he pulled the hoochie-mamas up on stage, and somewhere in the grinding and water throwing and fog machine effin glory, theresa and i found the motivation to heave...i mean, leave.

hollerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

leth-bri-dge!

let loose your inner pirate!!!

LET'S BE PIRATES!

Monday, September 19, 2005.

International TALK LIKE A PIRATE day.

Get excited.

Get pirate.

heh...

I locked myself out of my room this morning.
After some worth group-effort attempts at breaking into my room, I called Wendy (landlady #1), to let me into my room.
Heh.

sttronger..........

first voice lesson of the year!
it was really good!
only 30 min long, but i get 2/week, so that's good.
anyway...two thumbs up (so far) for anthony radford.
yeah.
so today is club day. frats. sororities. lots of other clubs.

join it up.

it's real.

encouragement!
i went to church today -- that was good.
went to a young adults kick-off tonight -- also good.
i even made some acquaintances which i think could be friends.
got a ride home with 4 nice boys from saskatchewan...one of them asked me to be praying for his car.
a joke, but also not. so i will.

so things are looking up. i came home with a wok (!), and a feeling that i could be at home here. that's weird to say, because in so many ways, nowhere will be home like a hug from zoe or a rock garden banquet, or a north shore sunset. it won't be the same to drive with nice boys from saskatchewan as it is to drive with my favorite ones -- ben and dad. no other scientists love ballet, nobody else will mend my jeans and make me a skirt, and no one sings like the littlest sister who could.

BUT...this will be good, and these people will make their way into my heart and i will hold them dear, finding that my heart can hold more than i thought possible. it will burst again with joy.

the best part is...

well...i think it's that God is amazing, and he knows me, and as he says, "trust me", and i do so with much fear and trembling and tears, he gently, so gently shows me that my trust and my hope will not be let down.

anyway.

LOVE. no matter who i meet that is new and neat and exciting, never forget that you are always in my heart.

desperate times.

Today, I almost wanted to run down the hall shouting, "I do have friends!! I do!! Good looking, talented, kind, generous people like me!! SO COME OOOOOOOOOON!!! Give me a freakin' chance here!"

But I didn't.

I just kept walking along, pretending to be oblivious to stares which constitute a choice to ignore me.

Introduction to Post-Tonal Life.

Walking to school was pretty much 30min from my door to my class room.

beeaaaaaam!

Lots of cute boys with blue eyes....hooray for Alberta.

I look pretty good today. Wore light blue to show off my tan (much of which has come from walking around Lethbridge the last couple days).

All my roommates are at the house now. 7 girls...almost like ywam.

HMm...I've had Theory V so far -- Introduction to Post-Tonal Theory. Basically, everything I've learned so far is good, but when it comes to 20th and 21st century music, calling something its tonal name doesn't make sense anymore. You see, up until now, everything in a piece of music was named according to its function. NOW, most of those functions, based as they are on a tonal system, have no place anymore, as the music is POST-tonal.

PHew.

So that's good times, eh?

derek webb says...and i say...

don't give me medication
i want the real sensation
even when living feels just like death to me.

i've got a reputation with everyone, but i don't want one with you.

today, i walked to school with kayleigh. i got a bunch of stuff done, then headed home, buying squirrely bread, canola oil, and stoned wheat thins on the way.
before i got home, i stopped to check out nicholas sheran (i think) park, which is about 15 mins from home, and is huge!!! it has a small lake in the middle, and the whole park is really an ultimate (disc) golf course.
i lay under a tree in sun and shade and read for several hours.

perfection.

solutions.

I stuck a magnet against the switch in the air vent to block the AC flow ... TOO COLD.
I soaked little bits of paper towel with windex and shoved them in the tiny holes at the bottom of my window frame -- that seems to have cut down on the flies.
I'm going to try and get SKYPE.com for my compy, so I can talk on the phone without talking on the phone.
I got 2,000 flushes for my toilet, so it will stay clean.
I got drugs for my sick and food for my pantry so I can be healthy.

A lot of things are getting fixed.

There's a little sadness and loneliness in my heart, but that I can live with. It reminds me of you.

Shout out to rachel -- beautiful english maiden.

unwanted guests.

So I'm here in Lethbridge, a little overwhelmed at the hugeness of this all, but I'm trying to take some calm time before bed....
BUT...
the left side of my desk is being INVADED by TINY FLIES!!!

I think they're attracted to the lamp so I turned it off, but a few foolish ones still dared to land...so I killed them.

What is it with insects and light? Well, I guess it's heat.


note: saw part of "gangs of new york" on tv tonight. GORY.

ps. a fly just tried to land on my compy...so I killed it.


anyway. it's time for bed.

help.

in lethbridge.

i'm here.
i'm kinda sick. *cough, cough*
i can't find my cell phone charger.
i talked to jessica today.
my mom is here and great.
my landlords are nice -- they mow the lawn and buy cleaning supplies, and want to have us a bbq.
i have grapes, apples, oranges, pears, water, dq pop and allergy serum in the fridge.
my stuff is here, i am here....life is here?

i loveyou.