I don't remember if I told you this, but....

on (Monday) February 3, when I went to work (@ 6:50 am IN THE MORNING...ugh) the sun was up, or coming up! It was light outside!
Through all of January, I'd been driving to work in the dark.
But as soon as Februray came...BAM! SUNSHINE!

I wonder what March 3 will bring...?

*ahem*
today, I began a new phase in life.
that phase which some catapult themselves into straight after high school like "the hare", and some meander into it like "the tortoise".
well, here I am.
*drum roll please*
i have been accepted to capilano college of north vancouver as a university transfer student.
(note: I have not yet auditioned for or been accepted into the bachelor of music transfer program...YET! I can just take classes beginning in September...which is a huge step for me. being able to take anything at a post-secondary institution...i'm a successful applicant. that's kind of exciting. so even if you're feeling cynical and smart, stuff it and be happy for me).

thanks.

ahhh!
Julianne just punched me in the face!

can I get a what-what, all ye club members!?
(does it count if somebody else punches you in the face!?)

I'm at work with the amazing ymca kids, and we're in the computer lab.
So..true to pattern, I decided to hit the blogs, check out the comments (really...what kind of modern woman actually talks to her friends face to face, when it's so easy to communicate via haloscan.com's blogger.com comments!?)
Anyway...
the blog comment isn't so much up and running, as NOT up and running.

So much for plan 'A'.

as we songwriters tend to do, I've made a minor change...perhaps 2.
near the end...

now we have these shirts and while--
silences roll on for miles--

it just fits better in terms of the groove.

I'm also looking @ re-vamping the last line...

i just wanted to finish this on the chorus...won't you sing along?

any thoughts?

hey...i wrote a new song.
these are the words.

pen in hand, guitar in arms
i sit down to write a song
'bout the night when you came 'round,
i thought we'd be friends for now.

waltzing in so unannounced, and I notice your shirt matches mine.

best friends- you think they're pretend
when will this mystery end
they all think i'm in a dream
nightmare...wake up, as i scream...

waltzing in so unannounced, and I notice...hey, you cut your hair.

by the look of what i see, this mistake was meant to be
now we have a history...i hope no one remembers.
it's like that White Stripes song I heard Jack Johnson cover once...
(hey, isn't he great? I just wanna dance when I hear his "la da da da da da...")
oh wait...i've got this pen, it needs to write words again in blue.
it's how i think.

i'm so distracted, i think the point was
i can tell that we are gonna be friends
i can tell that we are gonna be friends.

waltzing in so unannounced, you stole my heart and then I ran as far as I could carry me
i'm so tired.
then i noticed (the sign that gave me hope) your eyes match mine.

now we have these shirts and while--
silence rolling on for miles--
in this moment we are fine
listening to Over the Rhine

waltzing in so unannounced you took my hand beneath starlight

i just wanted to finish this on the chorus...won't you sing along?

abbedy-abbedy---that's all folks.

So I had this gig tonight, and me and the frickin appeneheimer band played...and it was a decent set. Some people definitely dug it. Ryan of MWL said he enjoyed it (I think)...
not that I stop long enough to accept any such compliments.

anyway, my point was this...
who does a show with an up and coming band...then neglects to meet the members!?

*looks around shyly*
that'll be me.

matt just wished me a "mexelent" night.

typos rule.

so I've got a show on Friday...one of these nifty coffee house things...at Kitsilano Christian Community (1708 W.16th, I believe. Fo shizzo, it's on W.16th, about 2 blocks west of Granville, and if you hit Burrard you've gone too far).

whatthestink is a coffee house anyway? who came up with the idea? what did he/she really have in mind at the beginning of the idea?
what does that person think of the current incarnation of their precious jewel of inspiration?

it's @ 7pm, and it costs....
$5 if you want 1 dessert
$7 if you want 2 desserts
$10 if you just wanna chow down without giving a thought to counting.

you also get unlimited tea and coffee and other beverages.

other acts include...
Maplewood Lane
Hejira
Melinda 'frickin' Appenheimer *and band*,
Dave & Ted's Excellent Adventure...

and 100% FUN!

So come on out!
All proceeds to to IPODERAC (institution for the reintegration of street kids in mexico).

YEAH BABY!

argh!
I always forget the fun things...
I need a "things to blog" notebook.

For instance, when I was with the elderly woman I hang out with, I noticed sign on the door to the stairs for her floor.
On neon green paper...

"Bob" you live on
this floor.
room 321.

I thought it was awesome. But it would have been so much cooler to remember the exact wording...!!!
*kicks the dust*
stupid short-term non-memory.

The blog rounds are much less fun when the haloscan comment feature is defunct.

OOOOOHHHHHH MAAAAAAAN!!!
COLDPLAY!!!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH MELINDA! YOU'VE MADE MY WEEK!
i'm sooo excited now. it all seemed so out of reach, like it was too good to actually happen......... and now it has!! i have a seat! i'm totally going to that concert!
THANK YOU WITH ALL OF MY HEART.
zoe.

*I got this today...it was one of those really fun-to-receive emails. kind of like a hug...but not quite as good*

Things to Remember To Do (not necessarily in this order) List:
Give Ash the pedal! OK! (thanks jo).
Photocopy "sleep my baby".
Call Justin.
...
Do laundry.
Get up!
Go to singing lesson.
Pray. Read the Bible. Worship.
SLEEP! (this I must do now. bye)

I bought an electric toothbrush the other day.
It's great.
My teeth feel really clean.

I need to do laundry so I have clothes to wear tomorrow...but I'll do that in the morn---
well, later this morning.

i am waiting for my laundry to finish so i can hang it up to dry before someone else mistakenly puts it in the dryer and shrinks all my clothes.

i started reading Brennan Manning's "The Ragamuffin Gospel" this morning...and wow.
it's powerful stuff, this truth about grace.

Expect many quotations to come...although, I may keep it quiet too. Sometimes when God says stuff, you know it's just for you, not the whole world (wide web), or your blog readers.

laundry's done...time to get on with my day now.

...my daily quarter-life crisis, or just a stirring in my soul...

In other news....

*shuffles papers*

Oh wait...there is no other news...

OH WAIT!! THERE IS!!!
TODAY IS PAT'S BIRTHDAY!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAT!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!

good-night.

A 'thought of the day', c/o Miss Johanna Polkki, a genius for certain.

my thought of the day:
practice? it doesn't make perfect. I was reading up on this today. sure, it's an integral part of the music performing process, but practicing doesn't necessarily ensure a flawless performance. in fact, that over-used platidunal quote is in reality a misquote. yes, that's right. periander, the misquoted author, said 'practice is everything'.

so if practice equals everything, not practicing leaves you with nothing. it's the theorum of the practicing.

HI!

My Paul Frank mini-wallet is staring up @ me from the computer desk...
that monkey has a huge mouth.
it's kinda creepy.

Jo and I are trying to get Coldplay tickets...it's not too easy, let me tell you.

Last night, I almost held this boy's hand...or he almost held mine...
it was kind of a funny moment...
or maybe it wasn't.

I would have posted this next bit last night, but by the time I got home it was almost 2 am...IN THE MORNING!!!!
Gah.
Mikael and I went to see Sam Roberts (and special guests) @ the Commodore last night.
Doors were at 8, we got there about 8:15.
By 9:15, there was no sign of a show.
At some point though (perhaps around 9:20?) the curtains were open, so we ventured downstairs, just in time to catch the "special guest"; a band from Victoria who's name I didn't catch, but that's ok.
Lots to say about them, but if you want a real review you should ask steve watts...he's better at that sort of thing. All I can tell you is the bass player was fun to watch, the lead singer looked like a dorky surfer, and the whole band looked more emo than butt-rock...although the music would indicate otherwise.
They psyched up the crowd, which was great.

Then...we stood in the pit for half an hour, waiting...
waiting...
watching the couple in front of us be coupley (which we thought was going to make for a really lame show, but they ended up being cool crowd friends), and realizing that some of the audience had indeed come to see the opening band...
During that time, we were subject to most of an Eminem album...without the lyrics. That was fun.
BASS BASS BASS BASS DRUMS BASS BASS BASS PLINKY PIANO BASS BASS BASS DRUMS BASS BASS...
and so on.
And we found people we knew...well, Mikael knew them. They went to her high school...including that kid who got beat up really badly a couple years ago.
THEN FINALLY...the lights went out.
BASS BASS BASS...
And then...the band came onstage...HUZZAH! Only 10:50, and the band is here! Hooray!
(sarcasm, of course. Mikael and I were practically asleep. Yaaargh).

Taj Mahal (sp?) was Sam's first tune...then Eileen (or whatever it's called), and so on and so forth.
Many tunes from their forthcoming record...some funky stuff.
Sam Roberts is decidedly a stoner, but one with a social/spiritual/moral conscience, if only he were sober long enough to come to any conclusions...ah, but so cute. Even referred to himself as "little sam" when telling a story, about his dad waking him up for hockey practice.

Part way through his set, Mikael spotted the famed steve watts, and I then spotted the equally famed jenn lush. how fun!
(they spotted us later on. which was funny, because I'd just been saying to Mikael that I wish people spotted me, and tried to get my attention more often...you know?).
Soo...by the end of the show, we were right next to those 2 crazy kids, and steve did something which summed up my feelings exactly...
during the encore, the band played a song called "hot metal"...which seemed to go on forever...
I looked over at steve, and he was rubbing his forehead, like most people do when they're tired...
It was time for the song to end.
It soon did. And we left.

My shoes didn't remain stuck to the floor *phew*...and I didn't wreak of beer (despite being sprayed by the guitarist).
All in all, a fun show, not bad for $20, but I don't think I'd go see them at a larger venue.

To sum it up...S-O-C-I-A-L-I-S-M is here to stay. It's the only way.

good morning one and all!
praise God, from whom all blessing flow!
praise Him, ALL creatures here below!
Praise Him above, ye heavenly hosts!
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost!

Can I get an amen?!
or rather an "AMEN!"

"Do not lay a hand on the boy, " he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son."
Genesis 22:12

*wow*
Isn't God amazing!?

"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching." ~ Hebrews 10:24-5
Katrina, Andrew, Erin, Jenny, Jason, Mikael, James, Liz, Roger, Zoe...
Be blessed, be protected...you are so loved.
Sat. Feb.15...7pm...my house...remember to bring a friend.

hmmm...
I wish we didn't keep having this conversation...ONLINE. Because I am more adept at speaking when in the moment. Not at the keyboard.
Anyway...
The drinking stories really disturbed me on Monday because I realized that they have become a pattern.
Really cool friends who I know are frustrated at God n'stuff, and are sickeningly nostaglic about getting drunk.
That I have a problem with.
And please note, that while I feel cut off, I don't cut myself off. I've hung out with most of the people referred to or thought of in the original post, this week. And I've been able to say, "Hey...I was choked about this on Monday."
Except to the youth pastor. Aaaand that's really more an issue of...I have a problem with leaders in the church acting that way. At least when with the ones they are leading.
The comments about me being, "too this or too that", are based on the words and reactions of people close to me...not of my own creative genius. (Such as the times when people have told me, flat out, "you can't understand what it feels like to be in a bad place with God", "you're too joyful, I don't want to hang out with you", and, "you're too spiritual...I can't be friends with you anymore").
So....
In terms of this getting too serious, here's the thing...I'm really struggling with this. Yes, this is just a stupid blog where I write in fits of fury and passion at late hours, but the emotions are real. (Ugh, that was very Dashboard-y). Anyway, Matt. or "Anonymous" (assuming ye aren't one and the same), if you really care, or have insights, or would be willing to help me wade through some of this mud, I'd appreciate it...in a less internet-y setting.
What it comes down to is this....please, help me.
(or since I'm from Canada and I've probably had my tongue stuck to a frozen pole, "pweeze, sumbubby hawlp meee").
You know where to find me.

Ah, "Anonymous", ye and your invisible pen strike again.
Well, I know you're not a grammar freak (the English Prof. wouldn't be impressed).
I am still intrigued as to who you are.
And I agree, hugs are good. Excellent, even.
As to my original post sounding like, "self-imposed alienation", I'd have to disagree, but I suppose it's a mute point. (Or is it moot point?).
Although, I can see your point, but perhaps in a different light. I have made the choice to love God the way I do. That has been my decision. Though, I never really understood just how "captive to the gospel" I would become. It's unreal. I have had a life-shattering experience with Jesus Christ, and that has changed the way I see certain things. Well, everything.
Self-imposed alienation.
But from what? A world where Christians can get hosed and say it's ok? A world where the body of Christs allows its leaders to support underage drinking? Drunkeness? A world where, as long as we're with our own kind, we can act in ways which grieve the Holy Spirit...but it's ok, because we're all Christians?
That, my friend, is what can be called a circle of sin, and it may be one of the most underhanded tricks the devil has. And he doesn't even have to try that hard.
It's this stupid human complusion to keep one another down. Don't rise above, or you'll be sneered at...
Don't dare let Christ influence the way you live outside the 4 walls of a "holy place", or you'll be a freak and a radical...

Please, do comment again.

So, my friend "Anonymous" may be interested to read this post.
I was talking with Ash this evening...and I had a bit of a revelation.

What saddens me most, when I look at my friends, is how little they know about God. Not in the sense that they aren't as smart as me (not that I think I'm so brilliant, but I want to assert that I'm not all, "I've done a dts, so I know all...", on the contrary), but in the sense that they don't know the depth of God's love for them. Neither do I, for that matter. As my friend Steve said today, if we're on the bottom rung of the ladder...to knowing the fullness of God...

*Ok, not the bestest metaphor, but whatever...it works.*

Anyway, so that's what it all comes down to. With my closest friends, I'm not as much upset by their actions, as by what's behind those actions. The sadness and self-consciousness, the absence of....

It's the difference between being able to say with your brain, "yes, Jesus loves me", and being able to know that (if only for a shred of time), the creator of the universe, the humble servant, the Prince of peace...that He loves you...to know that with every fibre of your being, to have it influence the way you see yourself, feel about who you are, the way you live your life...

To be aware of the fact that the ones I love most in the world haven't known that love...

It breaks my heart, it makes me angry, it frustrates me, and it makes breathing very difficult...the overwhelming sense of desperation that comes upon me is indescribable.

To the Lord I say, I am yours, I am yours, I am yours.
My spirit is stirred.
May it never calm completely.

CD of today...via US mail...
Caedmon's Call: Back Home

all is well...with the technical side of the blog anyway.

and my archives are gone.
what's going on!?

hmm...post not posting...arghlllmegeroarefuff.
grr.
*sighs*

hey Anonymous...
what an excellent way to cover all your bases...throwing your condemning remarks in my face from behind a very nice veil.

What is conditional is not friendship; perhaps you have misunderstood.

Yeah, last night I wasn't too stoked to be with that crowd...which was devastating. It's realizing that the way I've been called to live is radical, even within Christian circles...that's not too easy. Perhaps if you knew me (or do you?), you'd know the deep love I have for my friends, and what I wrote has more to do with being heartbroken than "holier than thou".

The conditions lie in my perception of those around me. Friendships are about growing and changing, learning new things about each other...that's a given. I'm down with that. For the most part.

What's devastating is to learn...to learn that the ones you think are your soul mates perhaps aren't.

But hey, thanks for your compassion. Next time I need a hug, I'll be sure and come to you..."Anonymous".

*the previous post has been edited, as I realized that well...perhaps there were too many details or hints of details

thanks*

*ahem*
*cough, cough*

well...

something about being disillusioned.

last night, "good christian beer night"...I suppose that should've tipped me off right there...maybe I should've just stayed home and called Jess, or better yet, gone to bed (because I am literally sick and tired).
But Theo was in town, and how often is that...I mean, really.

One of the youth pastors I work with...when he started named kids in the youth group he'd like to see drunk, yeah...that was good times. Yeah, when he was encouraging the 18-year-olds to drink...provided they didn't get caught...now that's integrity?

And when they all started laughing at me, because I wasn't drinking, and because I...well, I was a little shocked...oh hey, that was great too.

I think my list of qualities has been expanded...
too joyful
too spiritual
too straightedge
too sheltered

something about losing....tu caara.

Yeah, hey thanks for that guys. That was great.

I just noticed that my letter from Cap's Music Dept. addresses me as "Melinda Joy".
That's kinda nice.

I wait in 4/4 time.
Count yellow highway lines
that you're relying on to lead you home
-the weakerthans


I gotta stop listening to heartbreak music...this emo stuff's gonna kill me.

Pontificating to: the Weakerthans (and the nagging thought that I should have been sleeping hours ago).

Another thing I'm trying to wrap myself around is this: my job is nothing I love. With it in my life, yes, I have money, but other than that...it just serves to make my days hectic, frazzled, stressful, busy...leaving no room for the things I love: music, art, relaxing (not just lazily sleeping, but going to a place I love with a good book, a discman and some excellent tunes, a wonderful friend, my Bible, or just a thousands prayers on my tongue, and just being, discovering, relishing every moment). It's so bizarre to be living my life outside a large part of what consumes it (at least during the weekdays).
What I miss are those moments, like standing in a field when it's snowing...the moon is radiating a brilliant, beautiful light, and the earth is still (or so it seems), all is quiet, as this softly falling snow gently covers the earth in (what feels like) peace.
Or sitting on a beach for hours, just listening to the waves crash onto the reef. What a wonderful lullaby to close one's eyes to.
It's sad, really. And I hope that a life of this just barely catching up so I can continue to fall behind is not what I'm destined for.



For the record, I don't, can't, and won't believe it is.

I'm doing well. I was thinking about that on the way home on the bus (it's good for that), and just now..
I'm like a camera, aimed at the picture I'd like to take, albeit slightly out of focus


Watch for this in a song.
You know you're pretty neat when the things you say in spur of the moment bursts of thought are poetic enough to be song lyrics.

CD's today....(in the order I picked them up at the store):
Billy Holiday: the best of
Rufus Wainwright: Rufus Wainwright
The Weakerthans: Left and Leaving


I know, I know, I know. Aren't I supposed to be saving to go to Mexico?