hmmm...
I wish we didn't keep having this conversation...ONLINE. Because I am more adept at speaking when in the moment. Not at the keyboard.
Anyway...
The drinking stories really disturbed me on Monday because I realized that they have become a pattern.
Really cool friends who I know are frustrated at God n'stuff, and are sickeningly nostaglic about getting drunk.
That I have a problem with.
And please note, that while I feel cut off, I don't cut myself off. I've hung out with most of the people referred to or thought of in the original post, this week. And I've been able to say, "Hey...I was choked about this on Monday."
Except to the youth pastor. Aaaand that's really more an issue of...I have a problem with leaders in the church acting that way. At least when with the ones they are leading.
The comments about me being, "too this or too that", are based on the words and reactions of people close to me...not of my own creative genius. (Such as the times when people have told me, flat out, "you can't understand what it feels like to be in a bad place with God", "you're too joyful, I don't want to hang out with you", and, "you're too spiritual...I can't be friends with you anymore").
So....
In terms of this getting too serious, here's the thing...I'm really struggling with this. Yes, this is just a stupid blog where I write in fits of fury and passion at late hours, but the emotions are real. (Ugh, that was very Dashboard-y). Anyway, Matt. or "Anonymous" (assuming ye aren't one and the same), if you really care, or have insights, or would be willing to help me wade through some of this mud, I'd appreciate it...in a less internet-y setting.
What it comes down to is this....please, help me.
(or since I'm from Canada and I've probably had my tongue stuck to a frozen pole, "pweeze, sumbubby hawlp meee").
You know where to find me.