Another thing I'm trying to wrap myself around is this: my job is nothing I love. With it in my life, yes, I have money, but other than that...it just serves to make my days hectic, frazzled, stressful, busy...leaving no room for the things I love: music, art, relaxing (not just lazily sleeping, but going to a place I love with a good book, a discman and some excellent tunes, a wonderful friend, my Bible, or just a thousands prayers on my tongue, and just being, discovering, relishing every moment). It's so bizarre to be living my life outside a large part of what consumes it (at least during the weekdays).
What I miss are those moments, like standing in a field when it's snowing...the moon is radiating a brilliant, beautiful light, and the earth is still (or so it seems), all is quiet, as this softly falling snow gently covers the earth in (what feels like) peace.
Or sitting on a beach for hours, just listening to the waves crash onto the reef. What a wonderful lullaby to close one's eyes to.
It's sad, really. And I hope that a life of this just barely catching up so I can continue to fall behind is not what I'm destined for.



For the record, I don't, can't, and won't believe it is.