love is...

anna and jessica.

these girls are 2 of my lifelines -- i'm so excited to see them again. maybe it's the (few) years of friendship, the history of conversations and tea, or just who we are, but with them i feel known.

just a quick introduction. for you, the blog readers.

soon to come (if i can get a picture!): you get to meet mikael bingham, another half of me.

sur l'autobus

hey.










on the bus:

remember the drew carey show? I saw a girl on the bus who totally looked like kate.

I also saw...something else that was funny....but now I forget!

I almost missed my stop, which is always amusing. Well, I did miss my stop, but there's another one close-by, so I was alright.

I guess that's it.

EXCITEMENT YES YES YES.

ahhhhhhhhhhh i'm hiding in my room

my roomies are cleaning -- with a vengeance.



freezer burn? we're throwing you away!

i'm hiding in a slight panic -- how can they throw so much food away, when i am rationing mine like a crazy person!

!?!?!?!!!!

Food is such a huge deal to me lately -- watching what i eat, watching myself eat what i shouldn't, being aware of me not losing the weight i want to...

gah.

i told them not to throw any of my food away -- some pesto-flavoured wraps almost met their doom.

close call.

phew.

rejoice!

I just hd the best voice lesson of my career! (so far).

no joke!

Sometimes, the people who teach you/surround you try and convince you of improvement, of having reached a goal...and sometimes you just know.

Today, I just know.

wahoooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



(ps for all the doubters, these flowers are the colours of my grade 12 grad dress -- gorgeous, like a sunrise).

words words words.

paul says:
g'nite melinda. i love you more than 34 1/2 road trains put together!

nelson mandela says:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

gracious and compassionate.

sometimes all you gotta say is "i need you". cuz this space is big and empty, and i can't fill it. and i fell while i was running. all my notes came out flat. my fingers hurt from strumming. i can't stay on track. grace and compassion -- i'll depend on you to be that. there's nowhere else that'll take me, and i couldn't get there if i tried. my legs are weak, my eyes are sore, my heart is broken, tired. i need you, i need you, i need you -- i've said it now.

he lifts his voice. the earth melts.

peace.

sometimes i do this

well, minus the boat.

see you soon.

I've forgotten you just like I should
of course I have
Except to hear your name
or someone's laugh that is the same.
But I've forgotten you just like I should.

I get along without you very well
Of course I do
Except perhaps in spring
But I should never think of spring for that should surely break my heart in two.

(note: this is jonathon and emily -- we all fell in love last spring. they were the strength i needed, the friends i chilled with, the voices that ring in my head, the memories on the shelf beside my heart, and the embrace my arms can't forget. i thought of them, and posted these jazz lyrics, because emily sing jazz).

resolutions presented resolutely. of course.

i just ate my last 2 cookies.

no more.

nuh-uh.

*sighs*

monkeys.

ben went through a phase where he always made monkey faces in pictures.

lizzy caught on.

here's proof.

you spoke my name, Lord. I was expecting shame, you spoke my name.

I was just chatting with my friend Natalie -- she's just over 8 months pregnant. It's amazing to me, and an honour to be involved in her life. She's trying to make decisions about this baby, without much support -- she's incredible. Stronger than I think I'd be. Well, who knows.

from psalm 139:
For you created my innermost being
as you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I will praise you, for you made me so wonderfully:
so wonderful are your works,
so perfect your knowledge.

I want to do that - praise God, because me made me so wonderfully. I can barely bring myself to think about it.



Lord, help my unbelief.

i hate technology.

soimbiddingonaipodminionebay.

tears of...

phew.

home.

what!?

today:
woke up @ uncle roy's. ate breakfast, showered, left around noon.30.
drove to pike lake. packed up my stuff, ate some eats, locked up the house.
drove to granda dan's. unchained the gates, drove up to the house. hugs and near tears with grandpa dan and grandma joanne.
packed bread (homemade, love g.pa), drove to airport.
checked in, said good bye, aced security.
called to check that my ride back to lethbridge was a-ok.
right?
right.!?

...

right .... ?

oh.

wrong.

10 minutes to take-off, and I have no idea how I will get home from calgary.
send 10 text messages.

board plane.
read german poetry (for school -- so much for "Reading week").
----


It only gets worse and better from there. Dawn Turnbull and her boyfriend picked me up from the airport. I know her from keats. I joined her family for her birthday dinner, and am spending the night with her sister Nancy, at the condo where Nancy will soon live with her husband, Brent (after they are married).
AND...theresa will drive me home.

SO.
That's it.




I'm going to bed.

incidentally...

my grandparents have been divorced for almost 40 years.

they both use 'incidentally...' as the lead-in to many of their 'new topic/question' sentences.

they have similar dishes for eating (g-ma has a set made by a potter friend in calgary; g-pa has also pottery-style).

they drink tea a lot (well, that's not just them).

they both have this maaaad interest in everything in the lives of the ones they care about.

they both have a few chromosones in my mom.

they both have amazing blue eyes.

incidentally...

we're online!

I am in Saskatoon.
I've drafted a few blog posts, but they are maybe not for the public. They'll stay in the privacy of my computer for now.



Family is good. Complicated. Sad. Joyful. Talented. Loving. Hilarious. Familiar. Accepting. Expecting. Witholding. Giving. Generous. Petty. Forgiving. Outrageous. Political. Involved. Opinionated. Irrational.

etc.

My uncle roy is a brilliant percussionist. He's married, with 2 great kids (and also, a great wife). It's so different to actually be around him -- different from hearing about him. I always thought he was so cool, and brag about his percussive abilities whenever I can.

Anyway. It's been a trip to remember. Drove into Saskatoon by myself last night, and cried over my family. Good to do. I recommend it.

Meanwhile at home, tragedy strikes for a good friend. I am torn -- wishing I could be there. I don't know what I'd do...but you know how that is.

love to you.

worship (got this from chongkid.blogspot.com)

Manley Beasley - "A glimpse of God will save you. To gaze at Him will sanctify you."

ponderings.

apparently, I've had a post by this same name before. Huh.

I was driving to Calgary with my friend Mel today (well, she drove, I passengered), and we were talking, and she asked me a little bit about my life. We're still getting to know each other...imagine that.

Anyway, I was wondering how my parents or siblings would have answered the same questions. What does my life story look like in their memories?



Deanna.
Mike.
Mel (the one I drove with today).

good night.

i will type the whole article, eventually.

"To the usually breathtaking question,"If there is calamity in a city, will not the LORD have done it?" (Amos 3.6) we're only allowed to whisper a resolute, pietistic "no."