We (single folk) got to talking about the predicament that is presented when another single friend, of the opposite sex, gets engaged, then married, and the friendship is OVER. Or that would seem to be the pattern.
I can think of...5 guy friends who I have really lost contact with since they got married. Not from a lack of seeing them around, but more from a lack of knowing how to continue being friends..
The other night I started to realize, to wonder, if continuing those friendships would be the right thing to do. Obviously, things naturally change -- it's weird for a single girl and a married guy to spend a lot of time hanging out -- but do they have to end completely? Is that one of the sacrifices a married person makes -- letting go of friendships that would seem in appropriate, in the eyes of their spouse & other people?
It's heartwrenching for me, because this summer a very dear friend of mine is getting married, and I am dreading his disappearance from my life. It's not as though our friendship has been especially intimate, but it has been very precious to me, and I'm afraid of how much it will hurt to lose that entirely.
How do I even approach that? Can I talk to him about it? Can I say, "hey, I'm scared to say good bye to you -- is there a way for us to still be friends? Do you still care about me? Does you wife want to be friends with me too?" And what if she doesn't? Well, it's just...goodbye.
In a friendship where, "I love you" has been exchanged, how do you will yourself to accept the end? (when I say love, think...not eros. Maybe agape? Although that expects nothing in return...)
I'm sure there's and etiquette that I'm supposed to know, but I'm sure all ye blog readers are well aware that emotional stoic-ness isn't my forte -- this is something that has happened now too often for me to give a simple shrug of my shoulders as I heave a woeful sigh -- I need to know what to do with this.
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