Back to that whole 'surrender' thing.
A few years back, I used to play baseball. I wasn't queen of the game, but I was pretty good. I could hit it out of the field when the connection was right, caught my share of high flies and grounders, and even pitched a no-hitter [inning].
However, my team was a group of insecure girls, and not unlike the cliched mean girls of tv and movies, they had a victim...me. They wouldn't play catch with me to warm-up, they rolled their eyes and snarled when I got up to pitch, they insulted me [whispers only], wouldn't let me sit on the bench while we were @ bat...all kinds of good stuff like that. I stuck with it for about 5 years, but then I had to get out.
Why?!
Because at one year-end party, my youngest sister became their victim when they chased her out of the diamond with handfulls of rocks. I think I quit the next year actually, because after than incident, MAN did they ever suck up to me.
*sighs*
Surrender.
Right now that means for me, giving up ALL the baseball stories. It means forgiving those things, and leaving them forgiven. Not trying to dredge up old emotions to get sympathy, or just to tell a story. It means leaving that behind, and allowing the wounds to heal. In recent months, I've wondered if that could even mean friendship or at least a conversation with one of the girls.
It's by grace we have been saved through faith, not from ourselves. It's a gift, not by works, so that nobody can brag about it. I think it's by grace that I can write this, and begin to understand this kind of surrender. Begin to grasp how wide, how long, how deep the love of God. Deep enough to forgive. Deep enough to heal. Deep enough to allow me to love my enemies.
Crazy, right?
Well. That's surrender for now.
9.5.04
8.5.04
I have a friend who's become well acquainted with Mr.Daniels and his friend Kahlua, since the dawn of his 19th birthday. That, combined with our radically different schedules, has led to a certain...distance.
But tonight, he arrived where I was, put his stuff down, walked over and hugged me. Huge. Bear-hug.
So...good. It's nice to be reminded why you love a person.
But tonight, he arrived where I was, put his stuff down, walked over and hugged me. Huge. Bear-hug.
So...good. It's nice to be reminded why you love a person.
7.5.04
There's a new email service open for blogger.com users...gmail!
Oooh...
I already have 4 email addy's though. I don't know that I need another one.
I'm going to get a new driver's license this morning. *ahem*...this afternoon. I haven't seen morning the light side of morning for a long while.
what does the word "surrender" mean to you? Beyond the hostage setting, I mean.
Go ahead. COMMENT! I'll give my answer in the next post.
Oooh...
I already have 4 email addy's though. I don't know that I need another one.
I'm going to get a new driver's license this morning. *ahem*...this afternoon. I haven't seen morning the light side of morning for a long while.
what does the word "surrender" mean to you? Beyond the hostage setting, I mean.
Go ahead. COMMENT! I'll give my answer in the next post.
snot stew
My birthday is coming. I'll soon be 22. party party party party coming...come on ride the train.
My aunt gives me strange presents. Hairbrushes, candles, long underwear...sometimes books. Sometimes weird books...weird books like SNOT STEW by ... oh, just kidding no author for ya. I guess I got rid of the book.
ANYWAY...Snot Stew is written with a kitten as the narrator. A farm kitten. This farm kitten ends up living in a house where there are 2 children. When the children fight,
"IS NOT!"
"IS TOO!"
"IS NOT!"
"IS TOO!"
"ISNOT!"
"ISTOO!"
"iSNOT!"
"iSTOO!"
.....
"S'NOT!"
"S'TOO!"
=
SNOT STEW!!!
So the cat hears the fighting at dinner, and thinks that the delicious aromas he's smelling must be...SNOT STEW!!!
gross.
Also, the cat gets his tail bitten off by a mean dog.
Iccchy.
As I said, it was a weird book. Especially for children.
tunes: DC Talk--Jesus Freak. (almost old skool).
My aunt gives me strange presents. Hairbrushes, candles, long underwear...sometimes books. Sometimes weird books...weird books like SNOT STEW by ... oh, just kidding no author for ya. I guess I got rid of the book.
ANYWAY...Snot Stew is written with a kitten as the narrator. A farm kitten. This farm kitten ends up living in a house where there are 2 children. When the children fight,
"IS NOT!"
"IS TOO!"
"IS NOT!"
"IS TOO!"
"ISNOT!"
"ISTOO!"
"iSNOT!"
"iSTOO!"
.....
"S'NOT!"
"S'TOO!"
=
SNOT STEW!!!
So the cat hears the fighting at dinner, and thinks that the delicious aromas he's smelling must be...SNOT STEW!!!
gross.
Also, the cat gets his tail bitten off by a mean dog.
Iccchy.
As I said, it was a weird book. Especially for children.
tunes: DC Talk--Jesus Freak. (almost old skool).
6.5.04
I just got back from a walk with JO!
Nothing like a late night conversation to soothe one's tattered....
eh, who'm I kidding? Nothing about me was tattered. I'd just been inside watching tv for too long. And, with the absence of school comes a lack of JO! time.
tonight though, such tragedy was averted! all thanks to...
well, to me and jo.
Oops, I mean JO!
Nothing like a late night conversation to soothe one's tattered....
eh, who'm I kidding? Nothing about me was tattered. I'd just been inside watching tv for too long. And, with the absence of school comes a lack of JO! time.
tonight though, such tragedy was averted! all thanks to...
well, to me and jo.
Oops, I mean JO!
may birthdays
well, may 5 was my sister's 20th birthday.
20 years ago, in Neilburg Saskatchewan, she was born.
that was a good day.
she's a girl who I want to protect. I want to punch people who hurt her, lecture bosses who misdirect her, lay into those whose childhood woundings have left scars on her precious heart; perhaps as a way of redirecting my own guilt.
it's such a honour to watch my sisters and brother turn into such wonderful, godly, hilarious people. we're becoming friends, really.
good times.
20 years ago, in Neilburg Saskatchewan, she was born.
that was a good day.
she's a girl who I want to protect. I want to punch people who hurt her, lecture bosses who misdirect her, lay into those whose childhood woundings have left scars on her precious heart; perhaps as a way of redirecting my own guilt.
it's such a honour to watch my sisters and brother turn into such wonderful, godly, hilarious people. we're becoming friends, really.
good times.
5.5.04
3.5.04
Today started....with a slow crawl. Out of bed.
UP the stairs to breakfast...over to the couch for TV. Goooooood times.
I perused a reader's digest, settling on a story about Cougar attacks in Colorado (cheery, eh?). At the end of the story, a young man was mauled by the cat, and subsequently, killed. The description was bare, but still horrifying. What some predators can do to a person...*shudders*...
Anyway, one of this guy's friends said about his death, "It felt natural....like it was part of nature, and part of the way the cycle happens. It seemed kind of pure."
Another said it was fitting, because he was "a real outdoorsy guy."
WHAT!?
So flaky! LAME! If you ever say that about me, should I be killed by some sort of animal, I'll come back and punch you in the face!!!!!
So there.
Ha.
UP the stairs to breakfast...over to the couch for TV. Goooooood times.
I perused a reader's digest, settling on a story about Cougar attacks in Colorado (cheery, eh?). At the end of the story, a young man was mauled by the cat, and subsequently, killed. The description was bare, but still horrifying. What some predators can do to a person...*shudders*...
Anyway, one of this guy's friends said about his death, "It felt natural....like it was part of nature, and part of the way the cycle happens. It seemed kind of pure."
Another said it was fitting, because he was "a real outdoorsy guy."
WHAT!?
So flaky! LAME! If you ever say that about me, should I be killed by some sort of animal, I'll come back and punch you in the face!!!!!
So there.
Ha.
I just saw the WORST paidtvcommercial EVER.
Not everyone is meant to be monogamous.
A service for attached adults seeking new relationships. After all, we're all sexual beings. Why bother trying to communicate your spouse, when there are other people out there, wanting to try something/someone new.
We are sexual beings, and those needs must be met. Why be faithful to your marriage if you're miserable? (hmm..."for better or for worse..."). Screw the vows! This is a liberated, free choice society people!
This calls for action! Exercise your individual freedom to attain your own happiness and fulfillment!
Act NOW!
Not everyone is meant to be monogamous.
A service for attached adults seeking new relationships. After all, we're all sexual beings. Why bother trying to communicate your spouse, when there are other people out there, wanting to try something/someone new.
We are sexual beings, and those needs must be met. Why be faithful to your marriage if you're miserable? (hmm..."for better or for worse..."). Screw the vows! This is a liberated, free choice society people!
This calls for action! Exercise your individual freedom to attain your own happiness and fulfillment!
Act NOW!
1.5.04
I don't know how many of you have heard of, or read of, or listened to, Rich Mullins (note also: Brennan Manning), but NOWTV was just playing an old talk of his, and wow.
He was talking about how wonderful it is that we aren't meant to be perfect, because that would be life without living. Where there is life, there is mess.
He went on to talk about St.Peter (you know, the one who lets people into heaven? Yeah, him). Here was a man who denied Christ, who was forgiven, who preached to thousands, and still had hang-ups about gentiles. But the beauty of it is...he wasn't preaching because of his own perfection, or his self-confidence or self-belief. No. No, he preached, he spoke, he called out to the masses of people at Pentecost because of his conviction, his faith in Jesus Christ.
That's what is rocking me right now, folks.
More later.
He was talking about how wonderful it is that we aren't meant to be perfect, because that would be life without living. Where there is life, there is mess.
He went on to talk about St.Peter (you know, the one who lets people into heaven? Yeah, him). Here was a man who denied Christ, who was forgiven, who preached to thousands, and still had hang-ups about gentiles. But the beauty of it is...he wasn't preaching because of his own perfection, or his self-confidence or self-belief. No. No, he preached, he spoke, he called out to the masses of people at Pentecost because of his conviction, his faith in Jesus Christ.
That's what is rocking me right now, folks.
More later.
26.4.04
It may have been his heart-WRENCHING performance in say anything...or the way he sold me on the beta band's "3 ep's" in High Fidelity...or the fact that every character he's played has been a dorky fool-in-love...whatever the case...John Cusack...steals my heart away.
wait a second.
WHAT IF HE IS THE ONE WHO CALLED!!???!?!?!!!!
wait a second.
WHAT IF HE IS THE ONE WHO CALLED!!???!?!?!!!!
25.4.04
MISSED CALL!!!
Somebody called just before dinner...a boy...and my sister told him to call back in half an hour!!
BUT HE HASN'T!!!
Who is he? What did he want? Could we have hung out? Was he a friend I see often, or one I see rarely!?
Was it for a movie? Ice cream? Music? WHY DID HE CALL!!!??!!
BOY, boy, if you are reading, please call again! Dinner is over, and I have NO homework!!!
Somebody called just before dinner...a boy...and my sister told him to call back in half an hour!!
BUT HE HASN'T!!!
Who is he? What did he want? Could we have hung out? Was he a friend I see often, or one I see rarely!?
Was it for a movie? Ice cream? Music? WHY DID HE CALL!!!??!!
BOY, boy, if you are reading, please call again! Dinner is over, and I have NO homework!!!
mister God, this is Melinda.
Sometimes there are friends you have who just...know.
Not much is ever said, but what is in common is rooted in your hearts, and you just know. One day, your paths will intersect, run together for a time, but until then, each time they cross you are thankful once again for their long-distance friendship.
I ran into one such friend tonight. He and his wife, and their family, have blessed me a thousand times more than I deserve. The love they've shown me has been a light in darker times, and their lives are markers in mine. When I'm struggling with something, just barely slogging through each day, I know that they've been here too. Fighting. And I know they're cheering me on, too.
Wow. Praise the Lord for such depth of fellowship.
Not much is ever said, but what is in common is rooted in your hearts, and you just know. One day, your paths will intersect, run together for a time, but until then, each time they cross you are thankful once again for their long-distance friendship.
I ran into one such friend tonight. He and his wife, and their family, have blessed me a thousand times more than I deserve. The love they've shown me has been a light in darker times, and their lives are markers in mine. When I'm struggling with something, just barely slogging through each day, I know that they've been here too. Fighting. And I know they're cheering me on, too.
Wow. Praise the Lord for such depth of fellowship.
24.4.04
23.4.04
22.4.04
the end....
I decided not to go to camp this summer, for good reason, and definitely after much time spent asking God about it.
So, I'm fine with that. City summer, could be awesome...there are definitely some people here who I look forward to spending time with.
I had a few camp friends who were going to be staying home as well, and I was so stoked about that. They're good friends too, awesome people, and I was so excited at the prospect of hanging out with them. Still would be. Except...they're not staying home anymore.
Aiiya.
I can't even blame them, I mean...who would stay here...when you can be up there? It's beautiful, the night sky is incredible, you get to spend your summer OUTSIDE, with friends, working, but really, it's chill. And there's the faith aspect too, when it all works together, it can be really uplifting.
It's my God, you know, he's just pushing me to trust him more and more. Who knows? Maybe I'll meet a guy this summer who I never would have met, had I been way. Maybe I'll get other incredible opportunities, in ministry, in friendship, or with school and music...things that never would have happened while I was at camp. I actually have a lot of hope in my heart that this summer will be amazing. Seeing prayer answered in the real world context.
NOT HAVING THE BUBBLE TALK...that will be good.
I'm just so sentimental. And when you're in that state of mind, nothing bad filters through. I only remember the good, love-filled, stars and sunset times. The long conversations, hikes in the forest, drinking tea at sunrise (okay...I've never done that), but swimming, tanning, chilling on the field...
Problem is, I think a lot of it is sentiment. A lot of it is remembering the great traditions, but forgetting the Spirit who still moves today. Forgetting that he sometimes does new things. Forgetting that all the great memories in the world don't change a life forever. But meeting the eternal God does.
Anyway, I'll probably spend a few nights crying, missing what has been, wondering what is happening up at camp. And no doubt, I'll go and visit. But I think there's a lesson in continuity, in perserverence, in trust. I'm excited to be here. I'll miss the ones up there. But really...it's only 8 weeks.
If you see me in July and August, bring on the lovin', though. I'll be missing that the most.
So, I'm fine with that. City summer, could be awesome...there are definitely some people here who I look forward to spending time with.
I had a few camp friends who were going to be staying home as well, and I was so stoked about that. They're good friends too, awesome people, and I was so excited at the prospect of hanging out with them. Still would be. Except...they're not staying home anymore.
Aiiya.
I can't even blame them, I mean...who would stay here...when you can be up there? It's beautiful, the night sky is incredible, you get to spend your summer OUTSIDE, with friends, working, but really, it's chill. And there's the faith aspect too, when it all works together, it can be really uplifting.
It's my God, you know, he's just pushing me to trust him more and more. Who knows? Maybe I'll meet a guy this summer who I never would have met, had I been way. Maybe I'll get other incredible opportunities, in ministry, in friendship, or with school and music...things that never would have happened while I was at camp. I actually have a lot of hope in my heart that this summer will be amazing. Seeing prayer answered in the real world context.
NOT HAVING THE BUBBLE TALK...that will be good.
I'm just so sentimental. And when you're in that state of mind, nothing bad filters through. I only remember the good, love-filled, stars and sunset times. The long conversations, hikes in the forest, drinking tea at sunrise (okay...I've never done that), but swimming, tanning, chilling on the field...
Problem is, I think a lot of it is sentiment. A lot of it is remembering the great traditions, but forgetting the Spirit who still moves today. Forgetting that he sometimes does new things. Forgetting that all the great memories in the world don't change a life forever. But meeting the eternal God does.
Anyway, I'll probably spend a few nights crying, missing what has been, wondering what is happening up at camp. And no doubt, I'll go and visit. But I think there's a lesson in continuity, in perserverence, in trust. I'm excited to be here. I'll miss the ones up there. But really...it's only 8 weeks.
If you see me in July and August, bring on the lovin', though. I'll be missing that the most.
21.4.04
Okay folks, that's 6 down, 1 to go. After my jury (@ 2pm on Friday), I will be finished first year, well on my way towards a Bachelor of Music.
*sighs*
Feels pretty good, I'd say.
I know that there's a lot of work ahead of me next year, a lot of polishing, striving for excellence, not goodness. It will require more committment than I ever imagined, so once September hits, I'll be back in hermit mode. But don't worry. I'll make time for YOU, and if you need me...be not afraid to call.
Next week, I look forward to some time with my American friends, and after that...a summer of:
1. FUN (avec mes amis, et ma famille).
2. WORK (to make the money for school!)
3. MUSIC
4. SUNSHINE
5. RENEWAL
Pass the sunblock, mix the tapes, load up the gear...it's time...for....SUMMER!!!!!!
*sighs*
Feels pretty good, I'd say.
I know that there's a lot of work ahead of me next year, a lot of polishing, striving for excellence, not goodness. It will require more committment than I ever imagined, so once September hits, I'll be back in hermit mode. But don't worry. I'll make time for YOU, and if you need me...be not afraid to call.
Next week, I look forward to some time with my American friends, and after that...a summer of:
1. FUN (avec mes amis, et ma famille).
2. WORK (to make the money for school!)
3. MUSIC
4. SUNSHINE
5. RENEWAL
Pass the sunblock, mix the tapes, load up the gear...it's time...for....SUMMER!!!!!!
