is that really you, Lord?

fasting for a week.

what do you know about it?

tips?

this had to be separate.

i think south beach is working.
i'm about...7 pounds lighter than the last time i jumped on the scale, and about 10 or 15 pounds lighter than at christmas.

so.

hope.

hope.

hope...

something i often forget about. even though i can be passionate and mature and strong in this faith of mine, it is hard to live on hope. honestly.

today, i went for a run/walk, against the wind! it was to get out, and to force some time with my Abba. i rarely talk on those runs, i more just run, or walk, and think, and occasionally say stuff out loud, but it's more like, "i'm here. you're here. ok."

scintillating. ?

it was really good, though. something about the wind blowing fiercly -- the bite of it, the cold, the freshness on the air. reminds me of the ocean, where i love to go and sit, and not think anything in particular, just be.

be.

Safeway Savings.

It was either Ben or Elizabeth who, as a young'un, used to love pointing out 'the big S for Safeway.'

I bought groceries at Safeway the other day, and I gave my BC home phone number to the clerk, in lieu of a Safeway Club card.

The points went to RAJINDER RANA. 4446 points. To Rajinder Rana.

?

Burning to Shine.

a song by K-os, with the CBC Radio orchestra -- the last of its kind in North America.

I just watched a short doc. about it on CBC...and k-os (kevin bereton) said something that hit me..."something can't be truly creative if it's planned out."

That is something that's a real struggle for me, in music, and also in leading worship. That something can't be "real" if it's been planned out -- but I kind of think that's crap. Sure, something that's live and spontaneous and fresh -- there's a certain energy to that, but being able to take that, and work with it, and build upon it-- that's a part of the creative process as well.

I think he learned that.

I think I'm learning that. Or we both are. me and k-os.

he should hip-hop it up on my next album.

funny.

my friend Matthew wrote this when he...well, you'll get it.

Dear Friends,

The time has come. My resolve has weakened. My will has been shattered. I have crumbled before the collective cry of the telecommunication gods. I have forgone the highly charished privilage of an unreachable existance. It's true, somehow I have given in. I have become something new. My flesh has been forever united with plastic and metal to become a composite. No longer simply human, I am now cyborg-- a being equipt not only for the rigors of daily life, but also for the making and answering of phone calls at any and all times. No matter where i roam i will now be able to hear the ringing of mass communication within my fragile skull. I am a walking antenna. My voice is now but a small combination of numbers away.

(he got a cell phone).

ponderings.

I feel a little bit like a failure today.

Or maybe a lot.

I read a lot of textbook today at school, but it was psych 1000, and the scientific stuff doesn't stick as well as concepts and theories about human interaction (like in soc 1000).

I basically got home and ate a bunch of stuff I'm not supposed to while I'm on 'south beach'.

I have this hunger and thirst for God, for his righteousness, to know him more, for intimacy, for prayer -- but I don't really even know how to feed that a lot of the time. Or I feel like I don't...

And then I got an email from a friend today -- just an invitation to check out his blog/keep in touch while he's living out of the country.
In the year after grade 12, I basically had 2 friends who I spent almost all my time with, and he was one of them. Good times. Really good. For him, he was moving away from a lot of crap he'd been into with other friends -- recreational pharmaceuticals and the like.

Anyway, the pictures on his blog kind of sent me flying, and the tone of the writing too. Just a lot harder and more biting than I would've expected...and a lot more partying in the pics that I would've expected.

Just kind of shocked me. Maybe broke my heart a little.

There is so much more to this life -- this weekend renewed in me, reminded me...I will die for Christ, but I will also live for Christ. And I will absolutely fail in that. I will probably feel alone in it...and feel sorry for myself...

but I can see you again Lord.
I can see you on the horizon on my life...
I can see your sun, it's rising up...
and I don't have to be discouraged anymore.
I don't have to feel this loneliness anymore.
Cuz you're in my life, more than anyone could ever be.

-- jason upton. and me.

so. peace out.

words.

"my personal style is very stylish...i dress like i'm used to it."

--kanye west

story.

no words.

My friend Jon and I were out in Coquitlam once, and we drove past this guy's farm.

We both got so nauseous, we had to book it and fast.

For me, though, it was more than nausea, more than a sick feeling, knowing what had happened to so many women only feet away from where I was. I felt sick in my spirit. So deep, so deeply repulsed.

And then to think, that my Jesus, my saviour, my Lord -- he died for this man, too.

It's a silence...

dee looks good on fridays.

hi.

so that's mary-ann (ma) and her rad brother mark. yep. she has curly hair and in this picture it's straight...

just to clear things up.

ok, so i'm in edmonton at the 'break forth canada' worship/ministry conference.

i heard tim hughes, graham kendrick, andy park and....another guy speak today. about worship. it was pretty awesome. and tim hughes has a sweet accent.

Um, so mary-ann.

pretty much, she's rad. back in the fall, we had some groundbreaking conversations -- i'd say she's the person in lethbridge who knows the 'most' about me in a lot of ways. that was a huuge blessing, finding a friend like that.

in december, she emailed me and asked if i'd be interested in the prayer coordinator position with ivcf -- something i'd thought about anyway.

it's hard to know what to tell you about mary-ann. she's is a beautiful, passionate woman who inspires and spurs me on in my relationship with God. she's hilarious, with an infectious laugh that pulls me in everytime.

she's a friend for stars, tea, walks, accountability...she listens to my fiery frustrations and passionate visions.

aiiya. and she can sing.

mary-ann is just one more piece of life in lethbridge that makes it amazing.

and her brother mark is pretty sweet too.

grr.

There is almost always a cosmo at my house. The magazine that is, an issue of it. At my house. Always.

I realized something about it yesterday -- it's pretty much porn for girls.
Seriously.
Within its pages you can find a description of how to do (and how you *ahem* should be doing) just about everything and anything related to SEX. Not only that, but it also teaches you how to be...a consumer, in every way possible.

Kind of makes me feel sick. It's the same kind of trap that men fall into with regular porn, but I think it twists women in a different way. Not only that, but it also...how to put this...it really cheapens sex. When reading cosmo, it becomes so obvious that sex is pleasure, and the more for you, the better. It's not about love...if you can have a hot one-night-stand, then go for it.

the subjective objectification of women. or something.

Like I said, cosmo is porn for girls. And in that sense, the addiction to it is just as destructive as any man's addiction to porn.

mel out.

First Aslan and now Pedro -- it ain't easy being king of the jungle these days.

no more pedro.

my heart breaks a little.

or a lot.

starting over.

honestly, south beach wasn't going so good.

one day, i swear i ate a whole chicken's worth of chicken.

i still ate chocolate (damn roomies...).

and then...this weekend -- the opposite of carb free. i mean, we arrive to a bernard callebaut chocolate fountain.

!!

at that point, Dee said, "Ok Linna....what are you gonna do."

i was like "uh...chocolate fountain...and tomorrow will probably be something carb-o-licious for breakfast, lunch and dinner....i will start again on monday."

so, that's what i'm gonna do.

monday january 23-monday february 6, 2006, i will be doing phase 1 of the south beach diet.

end of post.

oops.

and also...iatecake.

better than a swingline.

"Even in peacetime I think those are very wrong who say that schoolboys should be encouraged to read newspapers. Nearly all that a boy reads there in his teens will be known before he is twenty to have been false in emphasis and interpretation, if not in fact as well, and most of it will have lost all importance. Most of what he remembers he will therefore have to unlearn; and he will probably have acquired an incurable taste for vulgarity and sensationalism and the fatal habit of fluttering from paragraph to paragraph to learn how an acress has been divorced in California, a train derailed in France, and quadruplets bork in New Zealand."

-- C.S. Lewis, surprised by joy.

Another Minna?! What the.....

Hello all in the wonderful world of Melinda's blog!

This is the before mentioned fantastic neighbor friend of Ms. Appenheimer here to report a rather bizarre story. It took place in my anthropology class this morning and goes like this:

Teacher: "Does anyone have a story about words they used to attach to people when they were young....anything."

Student: "Yeah...my sister's name is Melinda and I couldn't say that when I was a kid so I just called her Min or Minna instead."

Deanna: *Jaw dropped* (in her head) "But that's what MY friend Melinda was called. You can't have it! No you can't!!"

As you can tell, I was quite shocked, but very intrigued at the thought that Melinda was probably being called Minna around the same time this girl's sister was too just somewhere else in the world. How bizarre!

Never change Linna! (HA! no one can take that nickname cause I made it up when she moved to Lethbridge! I know...I'm a genius)

Dee is Over and OUT
(that's me in the picture)

le beach south.

so..
I've been "on" the South Beach Diet for a week or more..heh, but not so much.

I CAN'T RESIST THE CARBS...

Skakes is holding me to it (and the lovely Julie Cerantola knows I'm on it), and I was just reminded that everyday is a new day.

So here it is.

I ate my favourite ichiban noodles just now, and that's it. Tomorrow morning -- new day, new resolve. I will just do this one day at a time.

brr.

it's pretty much -1 today, but with windchill, i'd throw it down to a -7 or -10.

what th----

it snowed.
overnight.

i dyed my hair purple.
at 2am.


the two are not connected...or are they?

tips.

my friend ryan often asks if i have any tips.

today i found some tips. tips about working out.

here they are:

Some Tips To Remember


1. The more you go the more confident you will get
2. You will start to see results in three weeks if you go three times a week
3. Don't use scarily high fees as your spur to get you going ? choose a gym that feels right for you and pay as you go if you can
4. Be prepared to build up your fitness levels slowly
5. Remember people aren't looking at you ? they're too interested in getting through their own routines
6. Try to vary your workout ? some weights, some power walking, rowing, stretching
7. Try to go with a friend or join a class where you can make new ones
8. Find out if they do women or men-only days if that helps
9. Don't eat for an hour before you go
10. Drink lots of water


There it is.

TIPS.