oh my word. it's coming.

it's 11.53pm. in the province where i was born, it's already happened.

on may 16, 2006, i will be 24 years old.

i can't tell you how strange this feels.

i have a job that i love, but it is exhausting. i have no boyfriend, and no crushes to speak of. i just watched the season finale of grey's anatomy, and shows like that make me feel alone.

i'm still going to school, for a B.Mus, which may or may not amount to dreams coming true. i live at home, and i'm mostly broke. i have a beautiful guitar that sits in my room.

my brother, who's 19, tells me that he's cooler than me, and that my friends like him better than me. i can imagine in my head the day i snap and scream at him to stop saying that because it breaks me into pieces.

i have a lot of people scattered across the globe, who have little and big pieces of my heart. not that it's been taken apart, but it's spread everywhere. i long, sometimes ache, to see them again.

i never used to think that following God could be hard, but now that it takes my best friends into marriage, and me into alberta, it's getting tough. it doesn't seem fair. how could i be made to love so deeply, when the ones i love are adventurous and bold, and not here with me? how could that be fair?

at church this year, a man named blake prophesied over and prayed for me a few times. he prayed for a lot of things, not all of which i remember, and not all of which i will share. however, he did say several times that i am a beautiful wild flower, and God has made me that way. i'm not wrong, or a nuisance, or needing to be tamed -- i'm growing the way i was created to.

wild flower.

well, i'm 24 now -- happy birthday to me!

*sighs*

this sure is strange.