12.6.06

something new.



at church this year, I was prayed for/prophesied over a few times...and the words have stuck in my head.

particularly one about me being created as a wildflower...

still working out what that means. on days like today, I get a glimpse of the picture...and I like it.

7.6.06

what-what.

birthday:



june 3. delayed celebration.

me & a bbq, keeping happy theo ash brett jeff steve chong jon ben neal ash.

steve ben and chong making beautiful music in the basement.

darcy tyler mary jo! emily jonathon. come to hang out.

milkshakes @ denny's with les boys. birthdays bring out the generosity. love it.

near death driving experience with jesse b.

latelatelate night walk with ryan f.


way smaller partaaay than i expected, and some no-shows that were a shocker (zoe playing badminton for 3 hours...not at my house), but pretty much awesome. i will never be a chef for life, but cooking for people i love is great.



ok.

3.6.06

not my computer.

so, hello blogalanders.

i'm at my friend jonathon's house in east van (not earl styles though...little less ghetto).

it's good times -- lots of cyclers, so i haven't told them yet about my *cough* car.

mm. not much else to report. party @ my house tomorrow night in case you didn't already know.

COME OVER.

that's all.

here's a picture:



by: emily. "folkfest".

27.5.06

oooooh.

those kids on Laguna Beach are in HIGH SCHOOL.

it all makes so much more sense now.

23.5.06

it's that time again...



CANDLES!!!

Wh-what is new with me, you ask?

I can't think of where to begin.

We all know about my new job, yes yes, and there's no new boyfriend, nono. I got some new cd's for my new age (24).

Oh, and this:

I went to the chiropractor last Thursday, to ask about orthotics and the phenomenal pain in my back. We got that all sorted out, and $335 later, I was on my way.

Fast forward to SUNDAY: dad comes in to wake me up for church, and as I roll over, willing myself to consciousness, I notice that my back hurts. No biggie -- whenever I sleep for more than 6 hours at a time, my back is sore/stiff/etc. My ankles are still every morning when I wake up, so this is NO BIG DEAL.

HOWEVER:
I drive to church alone, because I got up late, and my back still hurts. This is sort of unusual, especially since when I breathe deeply, the pain worsens. All through church I feel pathetic, but the sermon is about DO NOT DESPAIR, so I think, ok, fine, I won't.

AFTER CHURCH, we go to milestones: still in pain.

Fast forward to MONDAY: I get up to go to work, still in pain, even after extensive stretching on Sunday night (before bed). Nonetheless, I drive to Stanley Park, and do my sandwich thing. While wheeling a cart of lasagnas and salads into the cafe, I slip on the freshly mopped floor, and fall on my derriere. MOMENTS LATER, I am walking back into the kitchen, and I slip on a piece of lasagna and fall again.

AH!

The pain is not much worse, but I elect to go home early.

WHILE DRIVING HOME: I decide to swing down dunbar, to see if Mikael is home. Somewhere on Pt.Grey Road, my flip flop gets caught under the gas pedal, just as I need to brake suddenly, so I violently SWERVE into the next lane, to avoid hitting the car in front of me. I take my shoes off. I am shaken, but ok.

LATER ON: my neck hurts. It is painful and nearly impossible to turn my head. AHH what have I done?

THIS MORNING: the chiropractor and I talked about WCB claims, at my pre-office hours appointment. She says, while fixing me up, that I seem to have whiplash, a muscular injury, and I should file a WCB claim.
*whiplash*, I think. Oh, and then I recall my self-inflicted car "accident".

I don't think I can claim that from WCB.

THUS: I am in pain. I will not despair, but I am in pain.

17.5.06

a greater thought.

for most of this year, i have been an AVID watcher of 'the amazing race'. family edition...wow. and now back to the regular edition, featuring "the hippies" bj & tyler. the final episode is on in...25 minutes.

i have a couple friends who wanted to hang out tonight, one of whom mocked my plans to watch 'amazing race' and 'lost'. fair enough, it's nice out, and she and i should hang out, but come on...

i'm talking about TRADITION.

happy birthday, happy birthday, happy, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to m e.


I wish it was still May 16.

Alas.

This picture is from last year, my birthday -- not the best pose, but fitting for the occasion, non?


On may 16, the 24th anniversary of my birth, I:

.got up early, and went to work.
..had a good, but hard, day at work. exhaust fans were broken so it was all heat in the kitchen baby -- ALL HEAT.
...got changed after work, which is worth mentioning, because...I said so.
....drove to n.vans (note: the exit from stanley park --> lion's gate bridge is CLOSED during evening rush hour).
.....dinner with chong, amanda, ashley/eigh, katrina b. and a grumpy waiter.
......asap, just the tail end.
.......bellinis and THE BEST CHOCOLATE TORTE EVER with laura b, sidney, amy. hoorah for milestones, and australian waiters.
........less b.day emails than previous years, but it's all good. natalie and kasey called, wow, kasey is so amazing, even at 6 weeks old, and over the phone.
.........sidney and I were talking about this amazing guy we know, who has all the girls in love with him, but ignores them all. I said he should go for this girl who liked him forever, sidney said, "he should go for you!!". that went a long way towards making today amazing. I never think of myself as the girl the guy should go for.
..........yay me.

16.5.06

oh my word. it's coming.


it's 11.53pm. in the province where i was born, it's already happened.

on may 16, 2006, i will be 24 years old.

i can't tell you how strange this feels.

i have a job that i love, but it is exhausting. i have no boyfriend, and no crushes to speak of. i just watched the season finale of grey's anatomy, and shows like that make me feel alone.

i'm still going to school, for a B.Mus, which may or may not amount to dreams coming true. i live at home, and i'm mostly broke. i have a beautiful guitar that sits in my room.

my brother, who's 19, tells me that he's cooler than me, and that my friends like him better than me. i can imagine in my head the day i snap and scream at him to stop saying that because it breaks me into pieces.

i have a lot of people scattered across the globe, who have little and big pieces of my heart. not that it's been taken apart, but it's spread everywhere. i long, sometimes ache, to see them again.

i never used to think that following God could be hard, but now that it takes my best friends into marriage, and me into alberta, it's getting tough. it doesn't seem fair. how could i be made to love so deeply, when the ones i love are adventurous and bold, and not here with me? how could that be fair?

at church this year, a man named blake prophesied over and prayed for me a few times. he prayed for a lot of things, not all of which i remember, and not all of which i will share. however, he did say several times that i am a beautiful wild flower, and God has made me that way. i'm not wrong, or a nuisance, or needing to be tamed -- i'm growing the way i was created to.

wild flower.

well, i'm 24 now -- happy birthday to me!

*sighs*

this sure is strange.

15.5.06

new things.


I learned how to properly use a knife yesterday. I also learned how to cut onions. Who knew there were such things to be learned?

In other news, I just bought a parking pass for Stanley Park for the month of May.
daily parking: $2/hour, $6/day.
my pass: $25/month.


I'll be 24 in a few short hours -- keep on your toes for an awesome party, june 3.

13.5.06

beach-y.

i...am really starting to like laguna beach.

oh what the heck, starting to?? i love it. well, i like it a lot. i'm hooked.

no more friday night life for me.

nono.

*sighs* the only man in my life was kasey, and now he's 14 hours away.



i live through the pretty blondes of california.

oh, and also, i got a job.

11.5.06

ack.black.blah.lah.lag.tublave.

I NEED A JOB.

IT MUST BE:
fun.
flexible.
well-paying.
interesting.
close to home.
challenging.
non-confrontational.
engaging.
musical?
perfect.




ya, true story ladies. i don't know where i'll find it.

10.5.06

no hazel eyes here. nope. brown, but not hazel.


this is me, checking my email 1,000 times, and not having any new ones.

EXCEPT:
jessica bell will be @ the airport between 10.30 and 11.00 am tomorrow morning -- i'm not sure where, but i will find her.

jon bentall is getting married on may 20 in a small service -- thus, no invitation. it's strange, i think, to miss the wedding of a good friend. strange. major life event for you, a day of bike riding and mundaneness for me.

i emailed myself patty's email addresses -- that was handy.

i guess that's about all for now.

oh, you want to know how the last day in victoria was? ok, well, ma and i went to andrew dean's for lunch, and markwatt was there, and patty came too. then we walked to the beach (even though andrew thought we should drive, even though it's a 3.75 minute walk away). we adventured on the beach for a bit, found a crab, and when i held the crab, he dropped his claw -- that was weird.

we left the beach, sunburnt and smiling, said good bye to the boys, and headed off for dinner @ patty's, where i gave a small living-room performance. ahem.

we left patty's searched for, and did not find, gelato, then boarded the ferry and came back to richmond.

WHOOOEEE.

9.5.06

less animated.


[i don't know these people, but apparently they are joel, matt, and shawna. go patty's computer, go].


my posts don't have pictures...because i haven't been using my own computer. but i found pictures on this one.

*sighs*

but i'll look around on patty's computer, see what i can find.

SO MONDAY was amazing. we said farewell to andrew, and then had this little encounter:

me + ma: [re-packing the car].

mr.crutches: hey, that was really funny when you cut me off.

ma: is he talking to you?

me: huh?

mr.crutches: yeah, i was laughing.

me + ma: what? was that for us? hmm?

me + ma: driving around the airport parking lot, trying to figure out if we could have ever cut this guy off. we determined that it was impossible.

me + ma: driving around victoria, laughing every few minutes, and then admitting to each other that we were still laughing at, "hey, that was really funny when you cut me off."

thank you, mr.crutches, for a brilliant and funny memory.


Post-airport, mary-ann and i went to find somewhere for her to get her pics developed (or rather, put onto cd), because her memory stick was full.
Then, we went to find a beach, and discovered that reading and following a map is pretty dang fun.
We found the beach, watched a puppy play, exfoliated and tanned. I called andrew dean, he called me, and we slow-ran toward each other and embraced, to cheesey music, when he arrived.

ma + me went downtown, had lunch at an amazing irish pub, walked around the harbour, and i think that once again someone refilled our parking meter.

we explored some city gardens which paled in comparision to the x-men castle gardens, but it was ok. we took pictures at mile 0, and enjoyed some amazing ocean breezes.

THEN andrew dean made us dinner, we got the scoop on LOST from jeff (geoff?), played volley-tennis with andrew, jeff, tim and karen, had spitting contest, got maccccc'd up by jeff (geoff?), and finally arrived at laura's house to watch a movie and reunite with patty.

WHAT AN AMAZING DAY.

8.5.06

capital adventures

i'm in victoria, adventuring with mma and andrew.

andrew says he hates my brother, because ben said he hated andrew, while he was hidden under all the stuff in the van on the way to vancouver from lethbridge.

anyway.

we had really, really good dinner. captain's table, on the waterfront, in sidney.
we sang 21st century music in the rainforest.
we were blown away on mount doug. (i saw luke's house...well, mt.tolmie).
we went to the x-men castle.
we saw where andrew spends his summers (in paradise).

it was great.

the bad news is that we can't get in touch with the girl who said we could stay at her house on monday night.

homeless? hostel? hotel? lynne and john? andrew dean?

WHO KNOWS.

kind of exciting. kind of stressful (for me).

BUT I have gotten good news from pedalheads bike camps -- they want me to come for an interview on monday. I'll be in victoria, so we'll try and work that out.

Ok.

6.5.06

best moment from "rock n' roll high school".

quite possibly the worst movie i've ever seen (clips from), but the Ramones are in it, so that adds something.

here's a line:

[principal togar]: those ramones are peculiar people.

[policeman]: they are ugly....ugly, ugly people.

[getting pics off the internet is taking too long so i'll add visuals later, love melinda].

4.5.06

home.



my room is a jungle of stuff.
old stuff to throw away, new stuff to put away, everyday stuff floating around.

my laptop picks up somebody's wireless, but doesn't actually connect -- so i sit, staring at the "connected" icon, all the while knowing that it means nothing.

like a hollywood makeover. pretty on the outside, garbage on the inside.

hence, i blog from the family computer.

let's see what pictures i can find.



home.

29.4.06

10hours19minutes.



well folks, in a few short hours, i will be on my way to vancouver, my home away from lethbridge, and i can hardly believe it's true.

what a surreal feeling -- to be leaving one home to return to another.

i've been listening to a lot of country songs, about going home, or being from a small town, and how that's always who you are. well, i'm not really definitively from anywhere. marsden, richmond, now lethbridge --

in the most sincere way possible, i think that my home is love. HA! CHEESE!



but seriously, home is where i feel at home. there are things about everywhere i've lived (even townsville) that i really liked, and there are things about living in vancouver that have been hard to live without (here), but honestly...when i think about home, or where i might "settle" one day, it's the people who i hope will be there that really matters to me.

yep.

CHEESE. SINCERITY. HOME SOON. SO CALL ME.




ps close to lethbridge is VULCAN -- it's quite the experience.

27.4.06

there are times i lose my worried mind.

what the --

oh right. i didn't sleep last night.

NOT A WINK!!!

the sun is rising, and i'm all suited up for a run, with a powerbar and the necessary amount of water in my belly.

just waiting about 10-15mins, and i will head out...running.

hopefully that will make me tired, so maybe i can nap when i get home.

i guess the bonus is that i packed for the last 3 hours, so my desk and my shelves are pretty much ready to move when julie or anyone else comes over.



yesterday, deanna was looking at my birth certificate (a reissue, i've had it since April 2004), and she noticed that my first named is spelled "MEILINDA".




my-linda?
may-linda?

i prefer melinda.

25.4.06

jack black says...


"It was a lame gig. I learned a valuable lesson. Never do a lame gig."

24.4.06

22.4.06

i know i will get up before 7am at least once this month.





April 30, when I drive home.

But today, I woke up @ about 10.40am. Naturally, I reached over and turned on my radio, to listen to the Saturday morning CBC Radio 2 set...The Vinyl Cafe and I Hear Music.

SO good.

This morning on I Hear Music, we are exploring the music of Hoagy Carmichael, who wrote The Nearness of You, Skylark, and I Get Along Without You Very Well (just a few of my favourites, and also the only ones I know the titles of).

Actually, those three would be a nice little set for a recital. They're all three quite slow, but...beautiful.

I felt pretty jazz savvy though -- Chet Baker's version of I Get Along... is the "definitive" version, according to the radio guy, and I AGREE! I listen to that song at least a dozen times whenever I decide to listen to my Chet Baker album on this here computer.

Yeah.

Jazz Savvy.

So many doubles of obscure letters.

Radio guy said that to get a Carmichael song, the singer needs a vision and an ear for the structure of the entire song. Yeah. I could do that.

21.4.06

oooh new pictures!

i uploaded a bunch of pics from deanna's compy today.

thank you verbatim store-n-go.

these are some snapshots of my life in lethbridge, over the last couple weeks or so.


DONATING BLOOD.






LAST CLASS BASH.









POST-DONATION TATTOOS.





and that's all...for now.

20.4.06

just to clarify..

friends are really important.

it's not always easy to find friends who stay with you through your UPS and DOWNS.

good moods, bad moods -- it's such a gift to have friends who see through it all and just love you.



thus, today, i am specifically tributing deanna, because i was just grumpy with her on the phone...but i know that she will still love me. because she's awesome.


(and no, this isn't a guilt trip post. at all. but i hope she reads it and knows that i, through my moods, never intend to direct GRR at her. ok? yes. well. goodbye).

19.4.06

mmmm sunny wednesday.


oh, dear ones, how the mood is an ever-changing thing.

i wrote my lieder exam yesterday -- very well could be a disaster in the marking, but that's oookay.

why?

today i sang my jury (voice final). oh, it was glorious. hands-down, my best jury ever (out of 4).

then, i came home, had some lunch, and have been napping on my porch in the WARM, warm sunshine for 2 hours.

oh what a day.

18.4.06

waaaaaaaaaaaah-mbulance. come to me.

(the post is not posting, i am even more sad now, booooooohooooooo).

i do not feel well.

i have a voice lesson in 1 hour and 29 minutes, and i'm writing a history (lieder) assignment, and my exam is at 2.00pm, and i don't feel prepared, so i am blogging (the ever so obvious choice).

and seriously, i don't feel well. i do feel ill. i don't know why. i think that maybe i gave myself some minor, minor food poisoning when i let meat thaw for too long this weekend...


waaaaaaaaaah.

it's as if, the world, she is upon my shoulders.

17.4.06

AH!

Well, today, my hair is a gong show. Even though it's short, there's enough of it to beat me on the grounds of fashion and style.

That made no sense.

I swear to you that I studied for 5 hours today, pretty much straight on through, and for the one exam I have to write, but I don't think I know too much more than I did before.

I'm getting that panicky feeling so common to me @ exam time, when I can't quite breathe (which has been a persistent symptom since I donated blood on Thursday), and I just want to get out and enjoy the stunning, southern albertan sunshiney warm days.

I have to go to an ivcf meeting now, or soon, something like that, which means just a few hours of talking and discussing and some worship/prayer, but I just feel like I can't handle it.

Who watched LOTR 3 last night? Oh, that was me?

SO who's to blame for all this?

...



...


EVIE!

13.4.06

when i was a spy...


i disguised myself as a backpack.

10.4.06

connumdrum?

So here's the thing.

It's 8.02pm here in Lethbridge. It's still light out, and warm, basically the ideal spring evening.

What am I doing posting this post, you ask?

Well, I'll tell you.

I'm on pae 6 of my 20 page paper. I have to sing @ noon tomorrow (recital), and my paper is due @ 3pm.

I basically...am...in one of those moments where school seems to be an impossible and foolish (impossibly foolish?) undertaking.

8.4.06

TAG!

No, no, no, no, no.
Not graffitti. Grafitti. ???
Jo tagged me to do a list of four's, which is good, because darcee did too, and now I can't find the list.

SO...

FOUR JOBS I'VE HAD:
1. countergirl, Broadmoor Bakery.
2. Home support, Portland Hotel.
3. Daycare provider, YMCA, General Currie.
4. Assistant Cook, Keats Camps.

FOUR MOVIES/SHOWS I'VE BEEN ADDICTED TO:
1. Billy Elliot.
2. EverAfter.
3. Withnail & I.
4. The Incredibles.

1. party of five. (no joke, it made the 90's for me. which leads me to...)
2. LOST
3. ER
4. Gray's Anatomy (I find myself cheering for debauchery, and against marriage...!)

FOUR PLACES I'VE LIVED:
1. Marsden, Saskatchewan.
2. Richmond, BC.
3. Townsville, Australia.
4. Lethbridge, Alberta.

FOUR COUNTRIES I WOULD LIKE TO VISIT:
1. Denmark.
2. England.
3. France (provence).
4. New Zealand.

FOUR POPULAR FALSE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT ME:
1. I'm super confident around new people (I'm totally shy. Silence = please talk to me).
2. I must have lots of free time because all I do for school is sing.
3. You can borrow my guitar.
4. I'm younger than I am (I'm 23, 24 on May 16..bring on the presents).

FOUR PEOPLE I LOOK LIKE (according to some):
1. Elizabeth.
2. My dad.
3. My aunt sophie?
4. Britta Fluevog.

FOUR THINGS I HOPE TO DO BEFOE I DIE:
1. shave my head for cancer.
2. climb a mountain.
3. have a family.
4. play my music for the world!
(read: achieve self-actualization in every way possible. go psych 1000).

FOUR PEOPLE I TAG NEXT:
1. mary-ann.
2. skakes.
3. andrew.
4. lil dee.

GO YE FORTH AND LIST!

happy easter ya'll.

because i love you.

sad.

today, i left my voice lesson and almost cried.
it was a great lesson, i was just feeling sad.

oh, feelings.

lauren, kayleigh and i were making dinner more or less together tonight, and we sat down to eat together. it was like having a family meal, with natalie and her dad and kasey sitting in the living room (which is open to the dining room, like @ my richmond house).

anyway, our other roomie came in and started yelling at us because she "couldn't get in the door" because our shoes weren't on the rack.

well, thanks grumpy stepmom. thanks for ruining the whole family atmosphere. thanks for dragging us into your pissy mood. thanks for being such an emotional rollercoaster that we're all nauseous.

i can't handle it. especially when she launches into tirades about "having respect for the other people in the house."

ugh.

20 days.

7.4.06

new stuff.


this one is going adventuring in England and the world.

with her wonderful husband.

am i excited?

sad?

scared?

happy?

full of...joy?

yes.

anna, dave...i will be missing, loving, praying for, cheering for, writing to, thinking of, and looking forward to seeing you.

6.4.06

it's about time.

for a new post.

the question is, what to post about?

now, often one logs into blogger.com or xanga.com or myspace.com, with an anecdote, thought, quotation, song, video, picture, etc.. to share with the world.

today, i don't really have any of those things. i just thought it was time to post.

time according to whom? you, faithful reader?

perhaps.

do i really care?

not particularly. that is, i'm not really tortured over my motivation to post.

i mean seriously...why be tortured over things that don't really...matter.

now, earthworms dying all of the sidewalks of lethbridge, that's something i'll hold up a sign to!



here is laurell, singing protest songs to save the earthworms.

(i was googled earthworm pics but they were too gross -- besides, pics of my house show are WAY COOLER!)

3.4.06

kasey glenn.

my newest house-mate.




2.4.06

here she is!


EVERYONE!

I would love for you to meet, the beautiful, wise, witty, intelligent and very dear to my heart, Mikael Bingham.

Seriously, she's amazing.

And yes, her name is Mikael. (I'll give you a moment to come to terms with that).

Ok.

I met Mikael very briefly @ keats one summer -- she came to my cabin and wanted to borrow a vaccuum. That week at keats was awful for me -- and I've always wondered what it would have been like to be in her cabin. However, had I never gone to keats, I probably wouldn't have met her (or Jessica, Anna, Jenny, Ted, Aaron, Sarah, Ange, Dave and Nola, etc) at all. That is someting I can hardly imagine -- I can't really imagine it at all. Mikael has been (and continues to be) one of the most important people in my life.

She lived in Mexico for 9 months, and when she came home, spanish would flow in and out of her sentences.

She's got this gorgeous, naturally red hair -- seriously, people pay for that.

She's got superb taste in music, without being a snob, and she can sing. Also...she'll play ukelele on my next album...I hope.

Umm..she's got 4 siblings, and her parents are wonderful and hilarious and bizarre, and I love them.

She's got a door that's always open, and I love to just walk in and grab a snack or a cup of tea from the kitchen.

Her boyfriend (pictured here) is Aaron Braun, also quite amazing.

Actually, they've both, in their own ways, been examples of grace and forgiveness to me. And Mikael -- well, she's been with me through some stormy times. Hence, I've taken to calling her my best friend. Hard to categorize that, but in so many ways she is.

Anyway, here she is -- the pink-wearing red head (and once, someone I was with told her she didn't have red hair -- that was...weird).

26 days...

31.3.06

if this were my life...

It totally could be.

We both play taylor guitars.

seriously.

maybe that's all it takes.





right?



*sighs*

rocket summer.



watch for the parts (near 2nd chorus) where he TOTALLY ISN'T ACTUALLY PLAYING THE PIANO.

and also, the brief wedding ring shot -- totally the video guy (phew).

WORST ANALOGY EVER.

(heard on the miracle channel).

"...it's like the sperm and the egg. Our spirit is an unfertilized egg, and the sperm of God, the Holy Spirit, comes in and impregnantes us..."

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!



sperm of God!?



AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

29.3.06

welcome to our world.

kasey glenn.
born march 29, 5.10am.

i will always remember that i was holding you as you celebrated your first 12 hours in this world.

oh, be still my heart.

why!?


THIS MAN WAS A GENIUS.

IT MAKES NO SENSE TO REQUIRE ME TO ANALYZE HIS MUSIC.

why!?

BECAUSE I AM NOT A GENIUS!!!!

28.3.06

me.

this is ...

c'est linna.



by dee.

27.3.06

join forces! revolt!

THIS IS A REVOLUTION!!

e-mailers of the WORLD join forces!

STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHTS!!

STAND UP FOR YOUR INBOX!!

STAND UP FOR FREEDOM!

.co.uk is way cooler.

choir geeks get noticed.

turn around (left side part 2).


should i fall this hard again
your name, still so unfamiliar to me.
is it safe this time, will you catch me?
how far 'til i know?

frozen time stands here before me
and i swear i've been here before.
how will your hand fit in mine,
what is the distance.

in a photograph your eyes enchant me
i can't find words to paint what i see.
don't look at me so closely,
you know i'm lost with you here beside me.

frozen time stands here before me
and i know i've been here before.
how will your words mix with mine
will they fall to the ground?

frozen time lies all around me
i know i've seen you before.
how will you leave me this time?
what is the ending...

26.3.06

imr is everywhere.

in my form and analysis textbook :

"Omission of an Initiating Function

A subordinate theme can acquire formal loosening by giving the impression of starting in medias res. In other words, the theme begins with a continuation or cadential function instead of a standard initiating function (such as a basic idea or presentation)."

yep.

25.3.06

from universalis.com

Come, today, and listen to his voice: do not harden your hearts.



What if she had said No?
The question may strike you as irreverent. How dare I suggest that the Blessed Virgin Mary, Queen of Heaven, Co-Redemptrix of mankind, could have left us in the lurch like that?
But what if she had?
Could she have said No? You might say that of course she couldn’t, she was far too holy — but you would be guilty of demeaning and dangerous sentimentality. It is demeaning because it turns Our Lady from a free human being into a sanctified automaton. The whole glory of the Annunciation is that Mary, the second Eve, could have said No to God but she said Yes instead. That is what we celebrate, that is what we praise her for; and rightly so.
This sentimental view is dangerous too. If we believe that the most important decision in the history of the world was in fact inevitable, that it couldn’t have been otherwise, then that means it was effortless. Now we have a marvellous excuse for laziness. Next time we’re faced with a tough moral decision, we needn’t worry about doing what is right. Just drift, and God will make sure that whatever choice we make is the right one. If God really wants us to do something he’ll sweep us off his feet the way he did Mary, and if he chooses not to, it’s hardly our fault, is it?
So Mary could have said No to Gabriel. What if she had? He couldn’t just go and ask someone else, like some sort of charity collector. With all the genealogies and prophecies in the Bible, there was only one candidate. It’s an alarming thought. Ultimately, of course, God would have done something: the history of salvation is the history of him never abandoning his people however pig-headed they were. But God has chosen to work through human history. If the first attempt at redemption took four thousand years to prepare, from the Fall to the Annunciation, how many tens of thousands of years would the next attempt have taken?
Even if the world sometimes makes us feel like cogs in a machine, each of us is unique and each of us is here for a purpose: just because it isn’t as spectacular a purpose as Mary’s, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. When we fail to seek our vocation, or put off fulfilling some part of it, we try to justify ourselves by saying that someone else will do it better, that God will provide, that it doesn’t really matter. But we are lying. However small a part I have to play, the story of the Annunciation tells me it is my part and no-one else can do it.
Faced with the enormity of her choice, how was Mary able to decide? If she said No, unredeemed generations would toil on under the burden of sin. If she said Yes, she herself would suffer, and so would her Son; but both would be glorified. Millions of people not yet born would have Heaven open to them; but millions of others would suffer oppression and death in her son’s name. The stakes were almost infinite.
You might say that Mary didn’t worry about all this, just obeyed God; but I don’t believe it. What God wanted was not Mary’s unthinking obedience but her full and informed consent as the representative of the entire human race. The two greatest miracles of the Annunciation are these: that God gave Mary the wisdom to know the consequences of her decision, and that he gave her the grace not to be overwhelmed by that knowledge.
When we come to an important decision in our lives, we can easily find our minds clouded by the possible consequences, or, even more, by partial knowledge of them. How can we ever move, when there is so much good and evil whichever way we go? The Annunciation gives us the answer. God’s grace will give us the strength to move, even if the fate of the whole world is hanging in the balance. After all, God does not demand that our decisions should be the correct ones (assuming that there even is such a thing), only that they should be rightly made.
There is one more truth that the Annunciation teaches us, and it is so appalling that I can think of nothing uplifting to say about it that will take the sting away: perhaps it is best forgotten, because it tells us more about God than we are able to understand. The Almighty Father creates heaven and earth, the sun and all the stars; but when he really wants something done, he comes, the Omnipotent and Omniscient, to one of his poor, weak creatures — and he asks.
And, day by day, he keeps on asking us.

24.3.06

he's back.

should i feel this much?
i don't even know your name.
should i fall this hard?
deep brown eyes. i love you today.

your hand in mine...this moment feels so right.
can i stay here a while?
your words make me smile.

but i know, you have to go.
but i know...you have to go.

(left side, by me, 2002).

23.3.06

ooooh my heart

have you seen the notebook?

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

22.3.06

melinda's soup

water (with salt, to boil faster)

tomatoes

celery.

*ponder*

ahha! lentils

fry onions and garlic.

*ponder*

ahha! kidney beans

salt, pepper, basil (check mom's recipe)

carrot

put it all in the pot

more salt, pepper, basil.

simmer...simmer...*forget it's onthe stove* remember! simmer...

take it off the burner.

*forget about it*

oh yeah! stir, stir, stir to help it cool. taste...mmm...good.

20.3.06

what is fear?

I'm afraid to fail -- or am I afraid to succeed?

I'm afraid that my hopes will be let down -- but why assume they will be?

Oh, so emo, here's the thing. I want to play shows this summer. So here's my list of what I'll do...



1. find out about all the open-mics in vancouver, and play them.
2. chat it up, sell some cd's, leave demos with the venue/booking guys and gals...
3. rehearse with the band (m.fab.4).
(b). get a mic, for myself, for when we rehearse.
4. play shows on vancouver island with anna.
5. give a recital, of my classical music. because that would be fun and awesome.
(b). find an accompanist.

Ok, that's all for now.

ta!

19.3.06

ahhh.

it's almost time to snuggle into bed.

just me and my pillows.

i feel a certain peace wash over me as i look about my room today -- that's right, i cleaned up.

everything has a place, and that which did not is now...gone.

*sigh of relief*

oh, it feels good to be neat.

16.3.06

tally up.

i have 4 semesters left here, and 14 courses still needed.

that's approxinmately 3.5 courses per semester.

yeah. i'm basically weeping with a workload that intense.

let's say i want my final semester (spring 2008) to only consist of voice lessons, ok?

then that's 3 semesters, and 13 courses...approximately 4.3(333333333) courses per semester.

again -- deadly.

however will i survive?

west jet style.

luggage tag:
"don't fret, you'll be reunited with your bag soon enough, and we're going to take good care of the both of you. imagine that little rush when you spy your luggage happily rounding the corner on the carousel. "it's got my name on it," you'll proudly say as you point to the tag. so, fill out this tag and make your reunion that much more enjoyable."

true north

tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?

- mary oliver

15.3.06

love is...





anna and jessica.

these girls are 2 of my lifelines -- i'm so excited to see them again. maybe it's the (few) years of friendship, the history of conversations and tea, or just who we are, but with them i feel known.

just a quick introduction. for you, the blog readers.

soon to come (if i can get a picture!): you get to meet mikael bingham, another half of me.