I am becoming the biggest jerk ever.
Gifts of compassion are strewn across the desert as I get stomped on again and again by the people I try and care for.
It's been prophesied that I will care until it hurts me, as caring for us hurts God. And I can only offer to others what I in turn receive from Him...
Does anyone understand that? Can anyone grasp what it is MY life, MY thoughts, MY feelings are like? It would be nice to be understood, rather than avoided.

I was never, ever discouraged by someone who was "closer" to God than me. It's so funny the terms we used to talk about one's feelings about God. I am in a relationship with God. We have a friendship, a Father-daughter, Saviour-saved, Best Friend....something that goes beyond any human comparison. Odd then how we can say we are far away from God, and that we don't know how to get back to Him...
What do you do in any friendship where there's a distance? You communicate! You go out, you ask each other questions, you listen to the responses, you send emails, you....communicate. Make an effort, a sacrifice. After a long time of silence, you take the plunge and pick up the phone.
Do you honestly believe it's any different with God?
The only difference is....He doesn't need to be reach via anything but...a spoken word.

Now I am rambling...but if you thought my last post applied to you, or was about you...maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. Maybe I was just blabbering...
but the truth of it is, some of the people I love most in the world are ready to hurl themselves off a bridge...and I am desperate for them to see the light, the truth....the life that God is holding out, offering freely.
So if that's you, be not offended, but realize...I am weak. I am. But I care...perhaps more than you realize. I pray that if a grain of truth slips through your veil of despair it would be...that beyond cliches and church talk...God loves you.
Think about it.
Choose something to meditate on other than your own sadness. That's the only way out.

The way I live is a choice. It's a struggle, a daily battle to choose God over...whatever else. But worth...more than gold.
Like Matt said, when my life boiled down to me and God...cliches took on meanings so deep, all I could do was lie on my face and praise the Lord.

*sleep peacefully*