20.4.06

just to clarify..

friends are really important.

it's not always easy to find friends who stay with you through your UPS and DOWNS.

good moods, bad moods -- it's such a gift to have friends who see through it all and just love you.



thus, today, i am specifically tributing deanna, because i was just grumpy with her on the phone...but i know that she will still love me. because she's awesome.


(and no, this isn't a guilt trip post. at all. but i hope she reads it and knows that i, through my moods, never intend to direct GRR at her. ok? yes. well. goodbye).

19.4.06

mmmm sunny wednesday.


oh, dear ones, how the mood is an ever-changing thing.

i wrote my lieder exam yesterday -- very well could be a disaster in the marking, but that's oookay.

why?

today i sang my jury (voice final). oh, it was glorious. hands-down, my best jury ever (out of 4).

then, i came home, had some lunch, and have been napping on my porch in the WARM, warm sunshine for 2 hours.

oh what a day.

18.4.06

waaaaaaaaaaaah-mbulance. come to me.

(the post is not posting, i am even more sad now, booooooohooooooo).

i do not feel well.

i have a voice lesson in 1 hour and 29 minutes, and i'm writing a history (lieder) assignment, and my exam is at 2.00pm, and i don't feel prepared, so i am blogging (the ever so obvious choice).

and seriously, i don't feel well. i do feel ill. i don't know why. i think that maybe i gave myself some minor, minor food poisoning when i let meat thaw for too long this weekend...


waaaaaaaaaah.

it's as if, the world, she is upon my shoulders.

17.4.06

AH!

Well, today, my hair is a gong show. Even though it's short, there's enough of it to beat me on the grounds of fashion and style.

That made no sense.

I swear to you that I studied for 5 hours today, pretty much straight on through, and for the one exam I have to write, but I don't think I know too much more than I did before.

I'm getting that panicky feeling so common to me @ exam time, when I can't quite breathe (which has been a persistent symptom since I donated blood on Thursday), and I just want to get out and enjoy the stunning, southern albertan sunshiney warm days.

I have to go to an ivcf meeting now, or soon, something like that, which means just a few hours of talking and discussing and some worship/prayer, but I just feel like I can't handle it.

Who watched LOTR 3 last night? Oh, that was me?

SO who's to blame for all this?

...



...


EVIE!

13.4.06

when i was a spy...


i disguised myself as a backpack.

10.4.06

connumdrum?

So here's the thing.

It's 8.02pm here in Lethbridge. It's still light out, and warm, basically the ideal spring evening.

What am I doing posting this post, you ask?

Well, I'll tell you.

I'm on pae 6 of my 20 page paper. I have to sing @ noon tomorrow (recital), and my paper is due @ 3pm.

I basically...am...in one of those moments where school seems to be an impossible and foolish (impossibly foolish?) undertaking.

8.4.06

TAG!

No, no, no, no, no.
Not graffitti. Grafitti. ???
Jo tagged me to do a list of four's, which is good, because darcee did too, and now I can't find the list.

SO...

FOUR JOBS I'VE HAD:
1. countergirl, Broadmoor Bakery.
2. Home support, Portland Hotel.
3. Daycare provider, YMCA, General Currie.
4. Assistant Cook, Keats Camps.

FOUR MOVIES/SHOWS I'VE BEEN ADDICTED TO:
1. Billy Elliot.
2. EverAfter.
3. Withnail & I.
4. The Incredibles.

1. party of five. (no joke, it made the 90's for me. which leads me to...)
2. LOST
3. ER
4. Gray's Anatomy (I find myself cheering for debauchery, and against marriage...!)

FOUR PLACES I'VE LIVED:
1. Marsden, Saskatchewan.
2. Richmond, BC.
3. Townsville, Australia.
4. Lethbridge, Alberta.

FOUR COUNTRIES I WOULD LIKE TO VISIT:
1. Denmark.
2. England.
3. France (provence).
4. New Zealand.

FOUR POPULAR FALSE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT ME:
1. I'm super confident around new people (I'm totally shy. Silence = please talk to me).
2. I must have lots of free time because all I do for school is sing.
3. You can borrow my guitar.
4. I'm younger than I am (I'm 23, 24 on May 16..bring on the presents).

FOUR PEOPLE I LOOK LIKE (according to some):
1. Elizabeth.
2. My dad.
3. My aunt sophie?
4. Britta Fluevog.

FOUR THINGS I HOPE TO DO BEFOE I DIE:
1. shave my head for cancer.
2. climb a mountain.
3. have a family.
4. play my music for the world!
(read: achieve self-actualization in every way possible. go psych 1000).

FOUR PEOPLE I TAG NEXT:
1. mary-ann.
2. skakes.
3. andrew.
4. lil dee.

GO YE FORTH AND LIST!

happy easter ya'll.

because i love you.

sad.

today, i left my voice lesson and almost cried.
it was a great lesson, i was just feeling sad.

oh, feelings.

lauren, kayleigh and i were making dinner more or less together tonight, and we sat down to eat together. it was like having a family meal, with natalie and her dad and kasey sitting in the living room (which is open to the dining room, like @ my richmond house).

anyway, our other roomie came in and started yelling at us because she "couldn't get in the door" because our shoes weren't on the rack.

well, thanks grumpy stepmom. thanks for ruining the whole family atmosphere. thanks for dragging us into your pissy mood. thanks for being such an emotional rollercoaster that we're all nauseous.

i can't handle it. especially when she launches into tirades about "having respect for the other people in the house."

ugh.

20 days.

7.4.06

new stuff.


this one is going adventuring in England and the world.

with her wonderful husband.

am i excited?

sad?

scared?

happy?

full of...joy?

yes.

anna, dave...i will be missing, loving, praying for, cheering for, writing to, thinking of, and looking forward to seeing you.

6.4.06

it's about time.

for a new post.

the question is, what to post about?

now, often one logs into blogger.com or xanga.com or myspace.com, with an anecdote, thought, quotation, song, video, picture, etc.. to share with the world.

today, i don't really have any of those things. i just thought it was time to post.

time according to whom? you, faithful reader?

perhaps.

do i really care?

not particularly. that is, i'm not really tortured over my motivation to post.

i mean seriously...why be tortured over things that don't really...matter.

now, earthworms dying all of the sidewalks of lethbridge, that's something i'll hold up a sign to!



here is laurell, singing protest songs to save the earthworms.

(i was googled earthworm pics but they were too gross -- besides, pics of my house show are WAY COOLER!)

3.4.06

kasey glenn.

my newest house-mate.




2.4.06

here she is!


EVERYONE!

I would love for you to meet, the beautiful, wise, witty, intelligent and very dear to my heart, Mikael Bingham.

Seriously, she's amazing.

And yes, her name is Mikael. (I'll give you a moment to come to terms with that).

Ok.

I met Mikael very briefly @ keats one summer -- she came to my cabin and wanted to borrow a vaccuum. That week at keats was awful for me -- and I've always wondered what it would have been like to be in her cabin. However, had I never gone to keats, I probably wouldn't have met her (or Jessica, Anna, Jenny, Ted, Aaron, Sarah, Ange, Dave and Nola, etc) at all. That is someting I can hardly imagine -- I can't really imagine it at all. Mikael has been (and continues to be) one of the most important people in my life.

She lived in Mexico for 9 months, and when she came home, spanish would flow in and out of her sentences.

She's got this gorgeous, naturally red hair -- seriously, people pay for that.

She's got superb taste in music, without being a snob, and she can sing. Also...she'll play ukelele on my next album...I hope.

Umm..she's got 4 siblings, and her parents are wonderful and hilarious and bizarre, and I love them.

She's got a door that's always open, and I love to just walk in and grab a snack or a cup of tea from the kitchen.

Her boyfriend (pictured here) is Aaron Braun, also quite amazing.

Actually, they've both, in their own ways, been examples of grace and forgiveness to me. And Mikael -- well, she's been with me through some stormy times. Hence, I've taken to calling her my best friend. Hard to categorize that, but in so many ways she is.

Anyway, here she is -- the pink-wearing red head (and once, someone I was with told her she didn't have red hair -- that was...weird).

26 days...

31.3.06

if this were my life...

It totally could be.

We both play taylor guitars.

seriously.

maybe that's all it takes.





right?



*sighs*

rocket summer.



watch for the parts (near 2nd chorus) where he TOTALLY ISN'T ACTUALLY PLAYING THE PIANO.

and also, the brief wedding ring shot -- totally the video guy (phew).

WORST ANALOGY EVER.

(heard on the miracle channel).

"...it's like the sperm and the egg. Our spirit is an unfertilized egg, and the sperm of God, the Holy Spirit, comes in and impregnantes us..."

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!



sperm of God!?



AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

29.3.06

welcome to our world.

kasey glenn.
born march 29, 5.10am.

i will always remember that i was holding you as you celebrated your first 12 hours in this world.

oh, be still my heart.

why!?


THIS MAN WAS A GENIUS.

IT MAKES NO SENSE TO REQUIRE ME TO ANALYZE HIS MUSIC.

why!?

BECAUSE I AM NOT A GENIUS!!!!

28.3.06

me.

this is ...

c'est linna.



by dee.

27.3.06

join forces! revolt!

THIS IS A REVOLUTION!!

e-mailers of the WORLD join forces!

STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHTS!!

STAND UP FOR YOUR INBOX!!

STAND UP FOR FREEDOM!

.co.uk is way cooler.

choir geeks get noticed.

turn around (left side part 2).


should i fall this hard again
your name, still so unfamiliar to me.
is it safe this time, will you catch me?
how far 'til i know?

frozen time stands here before me
and i swear i've been here before.
how will your hand fit in mine,
what is the distance.

in a photograph your eyes enchant me
i can't find words to paint what i see.
don't look at me so closely,
you know i'm lost with you here beside me.

frozen time stands here before me
and i know i've been here before.
how will your words mix with mine
will they fall to the ground?

frozen time lies all around me
i know i've seen you before.
how will you leave me this time?
what is the ending...

26.3.06

imr is everywhere.

in my form and analysis textbook :

"Omission of an Initiating Function

A subordinate theme can acquire formal loosening by giving the impression of starting in medias res. In other words, the theme begins with a continuation or cadential function instead of a standard initiating function (such as a basic idea or presentation)."

yep.

25.3.06

from universalis.com

Come, today, and listen to his voice: do not harden your hearts.



What if she had said No?
The question may strike you as irreverent. How dare I suggest that the Blessed Virgin Mary, Queen of Heaven, Co-Redemptrix of mankind, could have left us in the lurch like that?
But what if she had?
Could she have said No? You might say that of course she couldn’t, she was far too holy — but you would be guilty of demeaning and dangerous sentimentality. It is demeaning because it turns Our Lady from a free human being into a sanctified automaton. The whole glory of the Annunciation is that Mary, the second Eve, could have said No to God but she said Yes instead. That is what we celebrate, that is what we praise her for; and rightly so.
This sentimental view is dangerous too. If we believe that the most important decision in the history of the world was in fact inevitable, that it couldn’t have been otherwise, then that means it was effortless. Now we have a marvellous excuse for laziness. Next time we’re faced with a tough moral decision, we needn’t worry about doing what is right. Just drift, and God will make sure that whatever choice we make is the right one. If God really wants us to do something he’ll sweep us off his feet the way he did Mary, and if he chooses not to, it’s hardly our fault, is it?
So Mary could have said No to Gabriel. What if she had? He couldn’t just go and ask someone else, like some sort of charity collector. With all the genealogies and prophecies in the Bible, there was only one candidate. It’s an alarming thought. Ultimately, of course, God would have done something: the history of salvation is the history of him never abandoning his people however pig-headed they were. But God has chosen to work through human history. If the first attempt at redemption took four thousand years to prepare, from the Fall to the Annunciation, how many tens of thousands of years would the next attempt have taken?
Even if the world sometimes makes us feel like cogs in a machine, each of us is unique and each of us is here for a purpose: just because it isn’t as spectacular a purpose as Mary’s, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. When we fail to seek our vocation, or put off fulfilling some part of it, we try to justify ourselves by saying that someone else will do it better, that God will provide, that it doesn’t really matter. But we are lying. However small a part I have to play, the story of the Annunciation tells me it is my part and no-one else can do it.
Faced with the enormity of her choice, how was Mary able to decide? If she said No, unredeemed generations would toil on under the burden of sin. If she said Yes, she herself would suffer, and so would her Son; but both would be glorified. Millions of people not yet born would have Heaven open to them; but millions of others would suffer oppression and death in her son’s name. The stakes were almost infinite.
You might say that Mary didn’t worry about all this, just obeyed God; but I don’t believe it. What God wanted was not Mary’s unthinking obedience but her full and informed consent as the representative of the entire human race. The two greatest miracles of the Annunciation are these: that God gave Mary the wisdom to know the consequences of her decision, and that he gave her the grace not to be overwhelmed by that knowledge.
When we come to an important decision in our lives, we can easily find our minds clouded by the possible consequences, or, even more, by partial knowledge of them. How can we ever move, when there is so much good and evil whichever way we go? The Annunciation gives us the answer. God’s grace will give us the strength to move, even if the fate of the whole world is hanging in the balance. After all, God does not demand that our decisions should be the correct ones (assuming that there even is such a thing), only that they should be rightly made.
There is one more truth that the Annunciation teaches us, and it is so appalling that I can think of nothing uplifting to say about it that will take the sting away: perhaps it is best forgotten, because it tells us more about God than we are able to understand. The Almighty Father creates heaven and earth, the sun and all the stars; but when he really wants something done, he comes, the Omnipotent and Omniscient, to one of his poor, weak creatures — and he asks.
And, day by day, he keeps on asking us.

24.3.06

he's back.

should i feel this much?
i don't even know your name.
should i fall this hard?
deep brown eyes. i love you today.

your hand in mine...this moment feels so right.
can i stay here a while?
your words make me smile.

but i know, you have to go.
but i know...you have to go.

(left side, by me, 2002).

23.3.06

ooooh my heart

have you seen the notebook?

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

22.3.06

melinda's soup

water (with salt, to boil faster)

tomatoes

celery.

*ponder*

ahha! lentils

fry onions and garlic.

*ponder*

ahha! kidney beans

salt, pepper, basil (check mom's recipe)

carrot

put it all in the pot

more salt, pepper, basil.

simmer...simmer...*forget it's onthe stove* remember! simmer...

take it off the burner.

*forget about it*

oh yeah! stir, stir, stir to help it cool. taste...mmm...good.

20.3.06

what is fear?

I'm afraid to fail -- or am I afraid to succeed?

I'm afraid that my hopes will be let down -- but why assume they will be?

Oh, so emo, here's the thing. I want to play shows this summer. So here's my list of what I'll do...



1. find out about all the open-mics in vancouver, and play them.
2. chat it up, sell some cd's, leave demos with the venue/booking guys and gals...
3. rehearse with the band (m.fab.4).
(b). get a mic, for myself, for when we rehearse.
4. play shows on vancouver island with anna.
5. give a recital, of my classical music. because that would be fun and awesome.
(b). find an accompanist.

Ok, that's all for now.

ta!

19.3.06

ahhh.

it's almost time to snuggle into bed.

just me and my pillows.

i feel a certain peace wash over me as i look about my room today -- that's right, i cleaned up.

everything has a place, and that which did not is now...gone.

*sigh of relief*

oh, it feels good to be neat.

16.3.06

tally up.

i have 4 semesters left here, and 14 courses still needed.

that's approxinmately 3.5 courses per semester.

yeah. i'm basically weeping with a workload that intense.

let's say i want my final semester (spring 2008) to only consist of voice lessons, ok?

then that's 3 semesters, and 13 courses...approximately 4.3(333333333) courses per semester.

again -- deadly.

however will i survive?

west jet style.

luggage tag:
"don't fret, you'll be reunited with your bag soon enough, and we're going to take good care of the both of you. imagine that little rush when you spy your luggage happily rounding the corner on the carousel. "it's got my name on it," you'll proudly say as you point to the tag. so, fill out this tag and make your reunion that much more enjoyable."

true north

tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?

- mary oliver

15.3.06

love is...





anna and jessica.

these girls are 2 of my lifelines -- i'm so excited to see them again. maybe it's the (few) years of friendship, the history of conversations and tea, or just who we are, but with them i feel known.

just a quick introduction. for you, the blog readers.

soon to come (if i can get a picture!): you get to meet mikael bingham, another half of me.

13.3.06

sur l'autobus


hey.










on the bus:

remember the drew carey show? I saw a girl on the bus who totally looked like kate.

I also saw...something else that was funny....but now I forget!

I almost missed my stop, which is always amusing. Well, I did miss my stop, but there's another one close-by, so I was alright.

I guess that's it.

EXCITEMENT YES YES YES.

11.3.06

ahhhhhhhhhhh i'm hiding in my room

my roomies are cleaning -- with a vengeance.



freezer burn? we're throwing you away!

i'm hiding in a slight panic -- how can they throw so much food away, when i am rationing mine like a crazy person!

!?!?!?!!!!

Food is such a huge deal to me lately -- watching what i eat, watching myself eat what i shouldn't, being aware of me not losing the weight i want to...

gah.

i told them not to throw any of my food away -- some pesto-flavoured wraps almost met their doom.

close call.

phew.

10.3.06

rejoice!

I just hd the best voice lesson of my career! (so far).

no joke!

Sometimes, the people who teach you/surround you try and convince you of improvement, of having reached a goal...and sometimes you just know.

Today, I just know.

wahoooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



(ps for all the doubters, these flowers are the colours of my grade 12 grad dress -- gorgeous, like a sunrise).

9.3.06

words words words.

paul says:
g'nite melinda. i love you more than 34 1/2 road trains put together!

nelson mandela says:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

gracious and compassionate.

sometimes all you gotta say is "i need you". cuz this space is big and empty, and i can't fill it. and i fell while i was running. all my notes came out flat. my fingers hurt from strumming. i can't stay on track. grace and compassion -- i'll depend on you to be that. there's nowhere else that'll take me, and i couldn't get there if i tried. my legs are weak, my eyes are sore, my heart is broken, tired. i need you, i need you, i need you -- i've said it now.

he lifts his voice. the earth melts.

peace.

8.3.06

7.3.06

see you soon.


I've forgotten you just like I should
of course I have
Except to hear your name
or someone's laugh that is the same.
But I've forgotten you just like I should.

I get along without you very well
Of course I do
Except perhaps in spring
But I should never think of spring for that should surely break my heart in two.

(note: this is jonathon and emily -- we all fell in love last spring. they were the strength i needed, the friends i chilled with, the voices that ring in my head, the memories on the shelf beside my heart, and the embrace my arms can't forget. i thought of them, and posted these jazz lyrics, because emily sing jazz).

resolutions presented resolutely. of course.

i just ate my last 2 cookies.

no more.

nuh-uh.

*sighs*

5.3.06

monkeys.

ben went through a phase where he always made monkey faces in pictures.

lizzy caught on.

here's proof.

2.3.06

you spoke my name, Lord. I was expecting shame, you spoke my name.

I was just chatting with my friend Natalie -- she's just over 8 months pregnant. It's amazing to me, and an honour to be involved in her life. She's trying to make decisions about this baby, without much support -- she's incredible. Stronger than I think I'd be. Well, who knows.

from psalm 139:
For you created my innermost being
as you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I will praise you, for you made me so wonderfully:
so wonderful are your works,
so perfect your knowledge.

I want to do that - praise God, because me made me so wonderfully. I can barely bring myself to think about it.



Lord, help my unbelief.

27.2.06

i hate technology.


soimbiddingonaipodminionebay.

tears of...

phew.

home.



26.2.06

what!?

today:
woke up @ uncle roy's. ate breakfast, showered, left around noon.30.
drove to pike lake. packed up my stuff, ate some eats, locked up the house.
drove to granda dan's. unchained the gates, drove up to the house. hugs and near tears with grandpa dan and grandma joanne.
packed bread (homemade, love g.pa), drove to airport.
checked in, said good bye, aced security.
called to check that my ride back to lethbridge was a-ok.
right?
right.!?

...

right .... ?

oh.

wrong.

10 minutes to take-off, and I have no idea how I will get home from calgary.
send 10 text messages.

board plane.
read german poetry (for school -- so much for "Reading week").
----


It only gets worse and better from there. Dawn Turnbull and her boyfriend picked me up from the airport. I know her from keats. I joined her family for her birthday dinner, and am spending the night with her sister Nancy, at the condo where Nancy will soon live with her husband, Brent (after they are married).
AND...theresa will drive me home.

SO.
That's it.




I'm going to bed.

24.2.06

incidentally...

my grandparents have been divorced for almost 40 years.

they both use 'incidentally...' as the lead-in to many of their 'new topic/question' sentences.

they have similar dishes for eating (g-ma has a set made by a potter friend in calgary; g-pa has also pottery-style).

they drink tea a lot (well, that's not just them).

they both have this maaaad interest in everything in the lives of the ones they care about.

they both have a few chromosones in my mom.

they both have amazing blue eyes.

incidentally...

23.2.06

we're online!

I am in Saskatoon.
I've drafted a few blog posts, but they are maybe not for the public. They'll stay in the privacy of my computer for now.



Family is good. Complicated. Sad. Joyful. Talented. Loving. Hilarious. Familiar. Accepting. Expecting. Witholding. Giving. Generous. Petty. Forgiving. Outrageous. Political. Involved. Opinionated. Irrational.

etc.

My uncle roy is a brilliant percussionist. He's married, with 2 great kids (and also, a great wife). It's so different to actually be around him -- different from hearing about him. I always thought he was so cool, and brag about his percussive abilities whenever I can.

Anyway. It's been a trip to remember. Drove into Saskatoon by myself last night, and cried over my family. Good to do. I recommend it.

Meanwhile at home, tragedy strikes for a good friend. I am torn -- wishing I could be there. I don't know what I'd do...but you know how that is.

love to you.

20.2.06

worship (got this from chongkid.blogspot.com)


Manley Beasley - "A glimpse of God will save you. To gaze at Him will sanctify you."

ponderings.

apparently, I've had a post by this same name before. Huh.

I was driving to Calgary with my friend Mel today (well, she drove, I passengered), and we were talking, and she asked me a little bit about my life. We're still getting to know each other...imagine that.

Anyway, I was wondering how my parents or siblings would have answered the same questions. What does my life story look like in their memories?



Deanna.
Mike.
Mel (the one I drove with today).

19.2.06

good night.

i will type the whole article, eventually.

"To the usually breathtaking question,"If there is calamity in a city, will not the LORD have done it?" (Amos 3.6) we're only allowed to whisper a resolute, pietistic "no."

Here God is dangerous, wild, and unpredictable. He is dynamite and a kidnapper. That's the God of Abraham.

quoting Anne Dillard:

"On the whole I do not find Christians, outside of the catacombs,
sufficiently sensible of conditions.

DOES ANYONE HAVE THE FOGGIEST IDEA WHAT SORT OF POWER WE SO BLITHELY INVOKE?

Or, as I suspect, does no one believe a word of it?

The churches are children playing on the floor with the chemistry sets,
mixing up a batch of TNT to kill a Sunday morning.

It is madness to wear ladies' straw hats and velvet hats to church;
we should all be wearing crash helmets.
Ushers should issue life preservers and signal flares; they should lash us to our pews.

For the sleeping god may wake someday and take offense, or the waking god may draw us out to where we can never return."

from an article called "playing with knives: God the dangerous" by douglas jones.

"In our pietism, though, we tend to insist that God is primarily Nice. Period.

God is Nice and Nicer and Nicest.

The chief end of God is to be Nice. I believe in God the Nice. Maker of Niceness. In heaven, we'll all be Nice. Pilate wasn't Nice. He was mean and "mean people suck."

This whole modern Christian litany is so tedious and tiny.

Of course, other people -- equally foolish -- think the solution is to be rude and mean. Yeah, God isn't nice; He's rude.

But Yahweh is neither Nice or Rude; He is dangerous and unpredictable.

He is Trinity. He is Fire, and fire is hard to contain.

Sometimes all the advanced firefighting technology gets overcome in a canyon by a storm of flames.
Sometimes people freeze next to a tiny flame.
Fire's edges won't stand still; its borders aren't easily traced.

"Our God is a consuming fire."

God's command for Abraham to sacrifice Issac came right from the center of flame. As H.A. Williams notes,

"Whatever God wants in our relationship with Him, it certainly isn't respectability."

15.2.06

cover songs.

sun kil moon.

covers.

modest mouse.

tiny cities made of ashes.


absolute genius. i downloaded it because of aaron braun. that kid is money.


it is really windy in lethbridge today. especially at the school, walking to the parking lot, brutal wind flying straight across the coulees. my forehead almost fell off.

that was awkward.

13.2.06

announcement.


because He works in me, and works all things together for the good of those who love Him (and have been called according to his purpose), because His grace is sufficient, and His wisdom confounds mine, because mercy is flowing and love changes how you are...

I applied for keats this summer. Worship director. or Captain. preferrably, both.


And, I will need a job or benefactor in may/june.


so...heads up. like, keep yours up for me.

It's windy in lethbridge -- should be @ -28 or -19 for the rest of this week.

oh. goodie.

say, say it again.

my fingers are sore from lots of guitar playing.

if you knew today was your last day on earth, where would you want to be?

11.2.06

good things.


(picture credit: dave delnea, of jessica and a boy in peru.

I went to dinner at the home of my dear Jessica's godmother -- Jean, and her husband Bill.

WOW.

awesome.

So much good conversation, and food and warmth -- and they invited me back! That's always good news.

yeah. That's really all for now.

Did you know there's a L'arche community here? I didn't. Now I do.

hiya.

just wanted to introduce you to...LYNNAE!!!



Lynnae and I have the same voice teacher -- tony the great.

ANYWAY, this morning, I headed out to the bus stop, beginning my ridiculous journey downtown, a fifteen minute drive, one full hour before I had to be there.

oh, the bus.

I was waiting for the bus, and my mistake was here -- I'd neglected to familiarize myself with the saturday bus routes. Because in Lethbridge, they're very very very different from the weekday bus routes.

I thought the bus was impossibly late, so I started walking to school, and just when I'd reached the point of no return, the bus went by.

ducky.

So, I walked to school, and then discovered what a mess I was in, because of the 'saturday' bus routes.

:P

In desperation, I called Lynnae -- and she, fresh from the shower, not yet beautified, said she would come and get me. She arrived at the school, looking gorgeous as usual, and completely saved my day.

She came with me to get my ears stretched -- and I am now sporting a lovely 10-gage ring. Mhmmmmm. Before that, I was at electrolysis, so this has been an invasive day for my face and ears.

OK. peace out.

10.2.06

buenos dias.

new perspective with the sun's rising.

my friends.

hey all.

today was weird -- this week's been weird.

prayer breakfast was...i don't know. i'm not sure 'how' to prepare for those, but i know i need to.

i have this STRONG sense we need to be more active, speak against the enemy, proclaim God's truth -- pray in all the ways i've known to be powerful etc...but i don't know how to 'make' that happen...
can i start by just me praying that way, and then...the other kids can either jump on board, or jump off the wagon?

dunno.

but...yeah.. more to say, no time to think of how to say it. so i'll go to bed.

love.

8.2.06

umm, i guess if you know something...

leave a comment.

this is an email i got from a friend...

---
Ladies,

There are a number of women, most in their late teens and twenties who passed
away last year due to blood clots that are believed to be related to the use of
the Ortho Evra Birth Control Patch. Many more allegedly survived strokes and
other blood-clot related health issues.

My Uncle is a Lawyer who is initiating a law suit with respect
to this. He is looking for women in Alberta and British Columbia who may have
used this product and suffered similar health problems (the problems do not have
to be as severe as described above). You are likely to have come across effected
women. Please contact me ASAP if you have a plaintiff thay can be referred to my Uncle.
The case depends on women willing to come forward.


Teresa
---


so, if this applies, let me know. k. good deeds, out.

7.2.06

just look at him!

K-Os.




He's just so dang cool.

is that really you, Lord?

fasting for a week.

what do you know about it?

tips?

4.2.06

this had to be separate.

i think south beach is working.
i'm about...7 pounds lighter than the last time i jumped on the scale, and about 10 or 15 pounds lighter than at christmas.

so.

hope.

hope.

hope...

something i often forget about. even though i can be passionate and mature and strong in this faith of mine, it is hard to live on hope. honestly.

today, i went for a run/walk, against the wind! it was to get out, and to force some time with my Abba. i rarely talk on those runs, i more just run, or walk, and think, and occasionally say stuff out loud, but it's more like, "i'm here. you're here. ok."

scintillating. ?

it was really good, though. something about the wind blowing fiercly -- the bite of it, the cold, the freshness on the air. reminds me of the ocean, where i love to go and sit, and not think anything in particular, just be.

be.

3.2.06

Safeway Savings.

It was either Ben or Elizabeth who, as a young'un, used to love pointing out 'the big S for Safeway.'

I bought groceries at Safeway the other day, and I gave my BC home phone number to the clerk, in lieu of a Safeway Club card.

The points went to RAJINDER RANA. 4446 points. To Rajinder Rana.

?

2.2.06

Burning to Shine.


a song by K-os, with the CBC Radio orchestra -- the last of its kind in North America.

I just watched a short doc. about it on CBC...and k-os (kevin bereton) said something that hit me..."something can't be truly creative if it's planned out."

That is something that's a real struggle for me, in music, and also in leading worship. That something can't be "real" if it's been planned out -- but I kind of think that's crap. Sure, something that's live and spontaneous and fresh -- there's a certain energy to that, but being able to take that, and work with it, and build upon it-- that's a part of the creative process as well.

I think he learned that.

I think I'm learning that. Or we both are. me and k-os.

he should hip-hop it up on my next album.

funny.

my friend Matthew wrote this when he...well, you'll get it.

Dear Friends,

The time has come. My resolve has weakened. My will has been shattered. I have crumbled before the collective cry of the telecommunication gods. I have forgone the highly charished privilage of an unreachable existance. It's true, somehow I have given in. I have become something new. My flesh has been forever united with plastic and metal to become a composite. No longer simply human, I am now cyborg-- a being equipt not only for the rigors of daily life, but also for the making and answering of phone calls at any and all times. No matter where i roam i will now be able to hear the ringing of mass communication within my fragile skull. I am a walking antenna. My voice is now but a small combination of numbers away.

(he got a cell phone).

1.2.06

ponderings.

I feel a little bit like a failure today.

Or maybe a lot.

I read a lot of textbook today at school, but it was psych 1000, and the scientific stuff doesn't stick as well as concepts and theories about human interaction (like in soc 1000).

I basically got home and ate a bunch of stuff I'm not supposed to while I'm on 'south beach'.

I have this hunger and thirst for God, for his righteousness, to know him more, for intimacy, for prayer -- but I don't really even know how to feed that a lot of the time. Or I feel like I don't...

And then I got an email from a friend today -- just an invitation to check out his blog/keep in touch while he's living out of the country.
In the year after grade 12, I basically had 2 friends who I spent almost all my time with, and he was one of them. Good times. Really good. For him, he was moving away from a lot of crap he'd been into with other friends -- recreational pharmaceuticals and the like.

Anyway, the pictures on his blog kind of sent me flying, and the tone of the writing too. Just a lot harder and more biting than I would've expected...and a lot more partying in the pics that I would've expected.

Just kind of shocked me. Maybe broke my heart a little.

There is so much more to this life -- this weekend renewed in me, reminded me...I will die for Christ, but I will also live for Christ. And I will absolutely fail in that. I will probably feel alone in it...and feel sorry for myself...

but I can see you again Lord.
I can see you on the horizon on my life...
I can see your sun, it's rising up...
and I don't have to be discouraged anymore.
I don't have to feel this loneliness anymore.
Cuz you're in my life, more than anyone could ever be.

-- jason upton. and me.

so. peace out.

words.

"my personal style is very stylish...i dress like i'm used to it."

--kanye west

30.1.06

story.

no words.

My friend Jon and I were out in Coquitlam once, and we drove past this guy's farm.

We both got so nauseous, we had to book it and fast.

For me, though, it was more than nausea, more than a sick feeling, knowing what had happened to so many women only feet away from where I was. I felt sick in my spirit. So deep, so deeply repulsed.

And then to think, that my Jesus, my saviour, my Lord -- he died for this man, too.

It's a silence...

28.1.06

dee looks good on fridays.


hi.

so that's mary-ann (ma) and her rad brother mark. yep. she has curly hair and in this picture it's straight...

just to clear things up.

ok, so i'm in edmonton at the 'break forth canada' worship/ministry conference.

i heard tim hughes, graham kendrick, andy park and....another guy speak today. about worship. it was pretty awesome. and tim hughes has a sweet accent.

Um, so mary-ann.

pretty much, she's rad. back in the fall, we had some groundbreaking conversations -- i'd say she's the person in lethbridge who knows the 'most' about me in a lot of ways. that was a huuge blessing, finding a friend like that.

in december, she emailed me and asked if i'd be interested in the prayer coordinator position with ivcf -- something i'd thought about anyway.

it's hard to know what to tell you about mary-ann. she's is a beautiful, passionate woman who inspires and spurs me on in my relationship with God. she's hilarious, with an infectious laugh that pulls me in everytime.

she's a friend for stars, tea, walks, accountability...she listens to my fiery frustrations and passionate visions.

aiiya. and she can sing.

mary-ann is just one more piece of life in lethbridge that makes it amazing.

and her brother mark is pretty sweet too.

25.1.06

grr.

There is almost always a cosmo at my house. The magazine that is, an issue of it. At my house. Always.

I realized something about it yesterday -- it's pretty much porn for girls.
Seriously.
Within its pages you can find a description of how to do (and how you *ahem* should be doing) just about everything and anything related to SEX. Not only that, but it also teaches you how to be...a consumer, in every way possible.

Kind of makes me feel sick. It's the same kind of trap that men fall into with regular porn, but I think it twists women in a different way. Not only that, but it also...how to put this...it really cheapens sex. When reading cosmo, it becomes so obvious that sex is pleasure, and the more for you, the better. It's not about love...if you can have a hot one-night-stand, then go for it.

the subjective objectification of women. or something.

Like I said, cosmo is porn for girls. And in that sense, the addiction to it is just as destructive as any man's addiction to porn.

mel out.

22.1.06

starting over.

honestly, south beach wasn't going so good.

one day, i swear i ate a whole chicken's worth of chicken.

i still ate chocolate (damn roomies...).

and then...this weekend -- the opposite of carb free. i mean, we arrive to a bernard callebaut chocolate fountain.

!!

at that point, Dee said, "Ok Linna....what are you gonna do."

i was like "uh...chocolate fountain...and tomorrow will probably be something carb-o-licious for breakfast, lunch and dinner....i will start again on monday."

so, that's what i'm gonna do.

monday january 23-monday february 6, 2006, i will be doing phase 1 of the south beach diet.

end of post.

18.1.06

oops.

and also...iatecake.

better than a swingline.

"Even in peacetime I think those are very wrong who say that schoolboys should be encouraged to read newspapers. Nearly all that a boy reads there in his teens will be known before he is twenty to have been false in emphasis and interpretation, if not in fact as well, and most of it will have lost all importance. Most of what he remembers he will therefore have to unlearn; and he will probably have acquired an incurable taste for vulgarity and sensationalism and the fatal habit of fluttering from paragraph to paragraph to learn how an acress has been divorced in California, a train derailed in France, and quadruplets bork in New Zealand."

-- C.S. Lewis, surprised by joy.

17.1.06

Another Minna?! What the.....


Hello all in the wonderful world of Melinda's blog!

This is the before mentioned fantastic neighbor friend of Ms. Appenheimer here to report a rather bizarre story. It took place in my anthropology class this morning and goes like this:

Teacher: "Does anyone have a story about words they used to attach to people when they were young....anything."

Student: "Yeah...my sister's name is Melinda and I couldn't say that when I was a kid so I just called her Min or Minna instead."

Deanna: *Jaw dropped* (in her head) "But that's what MY friend Melinda was called. You can't have it! No you can't!!"

As you can tell, I was quite shocked, but very intrigued at the thought that Melinda was probably being called Minna around the same time this girl's sister was too just somewhere else in the world. How bizarre!

Never change Linna! (HA! no one can take that nickname cause I made it up when she moved to Lethbridge! I know...I'm a genius)

Dee is Over and OUT
(that's me in the picture)

le beach south.


so..
I've been "on" the South Beach Diet for a week or more..heh, but not so much.

I CAN'T RESIST THE CARBS...

Skakes is holding me to it (and the lovely Julie Cerantola knows I'm on it), and I was just reminded that everyday is a new day.

So here it is.

I ate my favourite ichiban noodles just now, and that's it. Tomorrow morning -- new day, new resolve. I will just do this one day at a time.

16.1.06

brr.

it's pretty much -1 today, but with windchill, i'd throw it down to a -7 or -10.

15.1.06

what th----

it snowed.
overnight.

i dyed my hair purple.
at 2am.


the two are not connected...or are they?

13.1.06

tips.

my friend ryan often asks if i have any tips.

today i found some tips. tips about working out.

here they are:

Some Tips To Remember


1. The more you go the more confident you will get
2. You will start to see results in three weeks if you go three times a week
3. Don't use scarily high fees as your spur to get you going ? choose a gym that feels right for you and pay as you go if you can
4. Be prepared to build up your fitness levels slowly
5. Remember people aren't looking at you ? they're too interested in getting through their own routines
6. Try to vary your workout ? some weights, some power walking, rowing, stretching
7. Try to go with a friend or join a class where you can make new ones
8. Find out if they do women or men-only days if that helps
9. Don't eat for an hour before you go
10. Drink lots of water


There it is.

TIPS.

i wish we spoke german.

I'm taking this class...a music history class...about Lieder, which is, essentially, german art song.

Mmm...

It really is beautiful stuff, even with a bare, bare, bare minimum of understanding of the language.

Take this, by Goethe (poet).

Uber allen Gipfeln
ist Ruh,
In allen Wipfeln
Spurest du
Kaum einen Hauch;
Die Vogelein schweigen in Walde.
Warte nur, balde
Ruhest du auch.

A poor translation:

Over all the mountains
is rest,
in all the treetops
you sense
scarcely a breath;
the birds fall still in the wood.
just wait, soon
you too shall rest.


Half the beauty of the poem is in the sound of the german (not nearly as gutteral and you'd think). The german word for peace, Ruh, is so peaceful sounding. Almost like 'roo-uh', but better.

anyway.

Also today, a watermain burst, and there was no water for me to shower, so I went to the gym @ school, worked out, then showered.

That's more or less all for now.

so. peace out.

11.1.06

here he is.


this is ben. sometime in his first year, trying to crawl on our parents' bed.

LOOK AT THOSE EYES...awww....

this is it. 5 weird this about me. me.

Alright, as tagged by my dear friend Skakes (cuz I don't know how she spells her first name, although I think it's Lindsey), I will make a list of 5 weird things about myself.

*ahem*

1. the only "boyfriend" I've ever had lasted about 16 hours...and a few years later, he was gay. still is. so...

2. I get an allergy shot (like a vaccination of sorts) every 2 weeks. I've been doing this for about 10 years now.

*sneeze*

3. I...just changed my mind of the one I was going to say. Hang on...

3. At home, I sleep with a plush-IKEA-duck. it's not because I'm lonely, but because my arms feel weird when I lie on my side (to sleep). my arms also feel weird when I'm just sitting, but it seems not entirely appropriate to carry the duck around ALL the time.

*cough*.

4. when I go to sleep at night, the room must be in COMPLETE darkness. during the day, it doesn't matter, I can nap wherevs. but at night-time...

5. I'm hella allergic to cats. except for one cat. I met him in the Cook Islands in May 2002. he used to sleep on my bed (fair enough, it was a mat on the floor), and I always got mad, but then...the little guy kinda grew on me. and as it turned out, all my protesting about being allergic was NO DEAL.

SO those things aren't too weird? But...hey..there ya go.


WEIRD COINCIDENCE...last year, @ school, I had one heckuva crush on this guy Aaron. Well...in the end, it ended. Hadn't talked to him in months, until I saw him, playing bass, at the New Year's Worship Invasion. We talked. A-ok. Closure, even.

LITTLE DID I KNOW...MA, Skakes, JonJon, Lucas Stone, and Robyn...Robin..., anyway, they came back from NSLC (that's all who went, right?), and they'd met Aaron's brother TIM from IVCF UVic. They also met Paddy or Patty, who I met, in Victoria, when I was with Luke Stones, hanging out post-Brennan Manning (and also earlier in the day, for a picnic of cake ala Andrew Dean), the VERY SAME DAY I first saw stars and Aaron in the same gaze (NO HEAD INJURY INVOLVED).

WEird.

10.1.06

mmmmm....

i am exhausted, and i don't know why. with sleeping in, i slept for 10 hours this past night.

argh.

yep.

9.1.06

take that, insomnia!

In the early hours of January 9, 2006, I studied the changing face of my digital clock for FIVE HOURS!!! 5!!!!

AHHHH!!!!

5.30 this morning, I think I fell asleep.

Woke up @ 11.36am, fully having slept through my first, and only, class of the day.

ARGH!!!

When I finally got up, I ate, read most of Nehemiah, then headed off to school.

Stopped by Tony's office, picked up some music for this semester, and my jury sheets (ie. evaluations of my voice final). REALLY GOOD COMMENTS. I was so encouraged by what the jurors had to say. WOW.

And Tony said: A professional career in singing is possible with dedicated work.

!

7.1.06

In Between Dreams.

Remember all that stuff about going for a run this morning?

HA!

First of all, I totally turned off my alarms and slept 'til 12.50pm.

Goooodtimes.

Secondly, it's snowing! Which means it's well below zero, which means that I'm not going to run!

Bah!

On another note, I haven't had an allergy shot since November 8, and I'm supposed to get them every 2 weeks.

AIIYA!

UPDATED

If I could have, I would have spent my day on a beach like this.




INSTEAD...I got up, went to school (one class), then came home.
On the no.11 bus. It's new ... only 5 mins home instead of 25! Heeeey! Well, 10 min, with walking. Still...better.

Then I napped!

Then I got up!

I watched TV.

I made dinner.

I showered.

I ate dinner.

More TV.

Pretty much, a house-junkie day. That's okay, I guess. I gotta sleep it up soon, so I can get up and run tomorrow.

Sheesh.

4.1.06

words of farewell.

"have a nice flight. read and listen to nice things in your ears!"

- matthew mcdaniel

2.1.06

elisa slept on the bunk above me for 6 months in australia.

HEY ALL!




elisa micheli, dts roomie, cool girl. This isn't a picture of her...I can't find my digital picture cd's (containing some of her). OH well.

living in NZ, sent me an email, this quotation..

“Just once we pass this way –
therefore, let's attempt something so great...
so imaginative... so demanding...
that when it has been accomplished,
all will know it could not have been done
without the aid and blessing of the Almighty God!"


word up, peace out, hollaback, shizzle.

new year indeed.

hello one, hello all.


HAPPY NEW YEAR!!


Wow. I rang in the new year with some very good friends by my side. No matter what's happening on a given new year's eve/day, when I end up @ worship invasion, I am so thankful to be there. It's just...perfect. The conversations and run-ins and catching up seem so ordained. The stuff that Ed spoke about last night was BANG, straight into everything I've been struggling with. The worship was real. Bass-boy (remember him?) was playing bass, so we talked after.

THE WORD WAS...talking about 'being conformed by the renewing of your mind.'

Just what the heck does that mean?

Well. Meditating on the WORD so that your spirit is resounding with it. Meditate on it, hold onto it in your MIND, which influences your WILL and your EMOTIONS and your BODY. The stuff of the word will stay in your mind, and it will be renewed.

Simple, maybe not the best explaining ever (I don't always blog my best wordings...? eh?), and SO GOOD. I felt like a blindfold was being lifted as I listened.


SO, that's newyear's. No more feeling sorry for myself.

POLAR BEAR SWIM!!! My first ever was today @ about 12.30pm, with Katrina and Aaron Bjornson. So fun. Pictures to come.

LOVE!

29.12.05

carved out of the forest

Stanley Park seems over-rated (on those gorgeous summer days when you think it'd be a great idea to picnic there, but so does the rest of the GVRD), but it is beautiful.
For those of you who don't live here, I wanted to show it off -- maybe it will strengthen your resolve to come out for new year's 2006/07, and we can ride the Christmas train together.

"A city that has been carved out of the forest should maintain
somewhere within its boundaries evidence of what it once was, and so long
as Stanley Park remains unspoiled that testimony to the giant trees which
occupied the site of Vancouver in former days will remain"
The News Herald - October 30, 1939

That's all for now,
love
m.

27.12.05

i do not think that word means what you think it means.

i was at london drugs with my mom the other day, and i saw some pillows on a shelf. normal enough, they were those pillows that are shaped to better support one's head and neck.

they were called "Cervical Pillows".

yeah.

boxing day.

i kind of boxed with myself today. boxing with ... my heart? i don't know.

i went for breakfast @ the bentall's, which was amazing. amazing because jenny is one of my best friends, because her dad is hilarious, because her food is so good, and her family is great.

talked with jon bentall for a few hours. he's getting married. ok, ok, so i was a tiny bit hearbroken when i heard that. but let's face it, i knew he wasn't for me.



he's so ugly.

the rest of this post would be pretty self-involved....realizing how much i miss home, in how many ways mikael is my best friend, how much i love walking on the beach, and having friends who love my family...

big thanks to aaron braun for giving me the day with mikael.

peace.love.don't get pregnant.