The clock on this blog doesn't work. Often my post-times are wrong, and ALSO when I comment on other blogs (particularily imr's) the clock is at least 3 hours off.

The VSO was amazing. Absolutely amazing. And it was only $16.50 (rush tickets), and the balcony wasn't even half full, so I think ya'll should go sometime. $16.50!!! Rush tickets @ the Sydney Opera House were $50 or something like that....hence I couldn't go. Theatre tours were $16 there. Not many places in the world can you see a world-class symphony for under $20!!! AND...if you're a STUDENT...it's $13.25, and then if you join this thing that Jo joined, you can order tickets for $10!!! They want students to come see the symphony!!! So let's go already!

Speaking of studying, I've been having mini-panic attacks today about my not being a student. And even though I worked today (YAHOO!!!) I'm having mini-panic attacks about only being a sub, hence no regular work....

But they are just mini-panic attacks. And I think things are going well...I'm determined to get the demos out to coffee shops this week, and also determined to sleep by midnite, so I can be up by 9 or 10 and study the Bible/theory, walk in the mornings, read my novel...maybe even catch a few sunrises.

Yeah.

I hate that Joan Osborne song, 'If God was One of Us" or whatever the stink it's called. If only because YES!! God was one of us, He absolutely was...I dunno. The song just bugs me. A causation of this hatred could be that I once knew a youth leader who used it during worship @ retreats, and that really pissed me off. A lot.

I think worship songs should speak the utmost truth about God, and they should be focussed on God, on praising Him because...not on, "oh poor me, I am so sad...waaaah,"...that's lame. We worship God because HE IS, not because we are...

Ugh. Enough.

I saw an ex-Portland resident on the street today, begging. That made me quite sad. He's an older-looking fellow, though he's apparently under 50. His life is a sad, sad tale to tell, and seeing him sitting there on the sidewalk broke my heart. I didn't know what to do, so I just walked by (not that I had any cash or cigarettes to give him anyway). I felt so powerless. What could I have done? He's not a resident I knew well. He's rather a paranoid fellow, and would only accept home support from this one other worker.

The whole (non)-encounter has left me somewhat shaken. I sometimes wonder if I should try harder to get back on staff @ the hotel...



Working at that hotel changed my life in a lot of ways. Being on the inside of that downtown-east-side world (while still being able to walk out @ the end of the day) changed my perception of the people who live there every day. It changed my black-and-white idea of drug abuse and addiction, and the lifestyle that eventually accompanies it. I was often sick with...disgust and anger and sorrow when I was down there, and I didn't know what to do. It seems so futile, doing anything "good" down there. Cleaning a room today, knowing it will be filthy again tomorrow...and you'll clean it again, and it will be filthy...

Why bother? Why try? Why care? How does God care? How does He go on and on and on caring about us, for us? He pours so much into us, or longs to...does He suffer disappointment? Does His heart break with sorrow? Rejection? He has no ego/confidence problems though...that's the incomprehensibility of it all. He doesn't NEED us to love Him, but He wants us to, because He so desires a full, full, rich, rewarding life for each of us. For me. For you. For the street urchins, the unborn children, the single mums, the professionals, the drug addicts and prostitutes, the victims, the bullies....the pastors, priests, kings, queens...He sees not one of us as being above or below another.

Sometimes I get feeling jealous; like God should love me more. But I'm so glad He doesn't. What a horror it would be to love and serve a compromising, favouritest God.

I could go on forever, but perhaps I should not. I need to sleep at some point, and I think this entry is quite long as it is.

As always, you're welcome to comment.

*peace*

ta!



Listening to: Joe Trio "A Cup of Joe", and Mike's Bass Mix 2001.